'The Tim Vine Joke Contest...' blog discussion

MSE_Martin

I just got an email from Mr. Vine senior (aka Jeremy) to say he enjoyed the obtuse joke and that lovers of Tim’s humour may enjoy this www.murraysworld.com/forum/chit-chat/tim-vine-jokes/

ThinkingOfLinking

I hate families. Take mine for example...well, I wish someone would.

One Paul McCartney said on stage at his London concert last year had me in stitches, after he mentioned there were some Japanese people in the audience; "I speak Japanese like a native..........of Korea." Gerry Marsden is the most hilarious entertainer though, his banter between songs is side splitting.

notken

My grandpa got his Viagra and laxatives mixed up. He didn't know if he was coming or going.

JimmyTheWig

I’m going with his brother to see him live next month

Colin? Or Ho-Chan-Chu?

pompey

I am a fan of Tim Vine and also saw him on comedy channel...very subtle!

It seems easy to think of one-liners but it is not as easy as it looks/sounds...here are my attempts:



I took a load of insects shopping the other day, when the nectar was reduced they made a bee-line for it.

I am pretty confident so I went speed dating in the pub the other night, it was meet and drink for me.

I was in a joke shop and said to the manager “My act has a great start, fantastic middle but a poor finish”. He said “would you like something for the weak end sir?”


Just before I go I would like to sing “The ugly duckling” – it’s my swan song!

basieman

BIG Tim Vine fan - Hope you like this one, also best said aloud.... I was in a bar chatting to a girl .. "What's your name then?"
"Chantelle"
"Well please yourself" !!

seven-day-weekend

AFAIK Tim Vine does not do 'dirty' jokes.

seven-day-weekend

This is a real Tim Vine joke (because I can't think of a soundalike):

I went into a skip hire shop. I said ' I wanna skip outside my house'.

The bloke behind the counter said 'well I'm not stopping you'.

djdanjohnson

My girlfriend had a terrible industrial accident and ended up with her right leg thrown over her shoulder, left leg thrown over the other, arm twisted round her ribs, other arm twisted round her neck.... so I had to finish with her... she's just so wrapped up in herself.

djdanjohnson

My girlfriend had a terrible industrial accident and ended up with her right leg thrown over her shoulder, left leg thrown over the other, right arm twisted around her back, left arm twisted around around her neck.... so I had to finish with her... she's just so wrapped up in herself.