'The Tim Vine Joke Contest...' blog discussion

This is the discussion to link on the back of Martin's blog. Please read the blog first, as this discussion follows it.
Read Martin's "The Tim Vine Joke Contest..." Blog.
Please click reply to discuss below.


  • I actually like the obtuse one!
  • My wife asked me if I have ever kissed a man, I said no - but I've kissed a man who has.
  • "I went out with a girl who had a wooden leg... that was fine until I discovered she had a real foot.."

    "Kylie Minogue does nothing for me. Absolutely nothing. I've written, asked, emailed, phoned..."

    And my favourite from the Tim Vine show that I also saw...

    "Last week I put everything I own onto one horse... unfortunately it squashed it..."

    Ba-dum tish
  • RabbitMad
    RabbitMad Posts: 2,069 Forumite
    The Missus asked me to shave her the other week. Thought I did a really good job, no straggling hairs left around the lips; but I did nick her chin in a couple of places.

    The Missus phoned to say she was having a Brazillian. I was a bit disappointed, I'd always considered Juan a friend.
  • I was given a book the other day that guarantees to beat procrastination - I haven't gotten round to reading it yet.
  • I think Tim Vine himself may have done those three Martin - so they're not paltry at all. As you say about the build up of silliness, it's all in the delivery.

    This one's pilfered from the 'made up jokes' feature on the Adam and Joe 6Music radio show... How do you make a questionnaire laugh? Tickle it's boxes.
  • Your Joke:
      “It seems they’ve finally found a cure for erectile dysfunction – that was a long time coming.”
      Are you sure this is not just a case of bad stand up!
  • notken
    notken Posts: 82
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I liked the obtuse one too.

    One I wrote for a stage show at Uni:

    "Are you going to be a flea for ages?"
    "No, I'm just going to be a tick."
  • Apparantly there is a theory that there is a use for kettles with holes in them.....I don't think that will hold water.....
  • MSE_Martin
    MSE_Martin Posts: 8,273
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Money Saving Expert
    Apparantly there is a theory that there is a use for kettles with holes in them.....I don't think that will hold water.....

    I like it - and in good collective brainstorming - i hope you don't mind me suggesting an amendment

    How about

    "Someone has just invented a cross between a kettle and a sieve, but I don't think the idea will hold water."
    Martin Lewis, Money Saving Expert.
    Please note, answers don't constitute financial advice, it is based on generalised journalistic research. Always ensure any decision is made with regards to your own individual circumstance.
    Don't miss out on urgent MoneySaving, get my weekly e-mail at www.moneysavingexpert.com/tips.
    Debt-Free Wannabee Official Nerd Club: (Honorary) Members number 000
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