I just wish this snow would go

whitewing

The other thing that may make you start to feel better is to focus on what your husband does do, rather than what he doesn't. Presumably his wages allow you to be at home with the children, allow you to run a car yourself etc etc. It is very easy to get into a negative thought pattern (as I know well myself). Maybe it will help to list the good stuff. my nan was a great one for counting her blessings. I feel better when I do the same although it's more natural sometimes to beat myself up.

sandiep

Hey there.

This used to be me!! Hubby away from Sunday to Thursday (yes always back after bedtime!). Working from home on 2 businesses. Child at school, child at nursery. I used to cook lovely nutricious meals for my kids, and i'd have a bag of kettle chips. No family around to help. So I really know where you're at. And it is bloomin' difficult.

What you've got to do is work out what makes it all work for you. And then that's it. That's the rules and the routine, and hubby & hubby home time has to carry on those consistencies. My hubby was really good, in that when he came home he did pick up the mantle as far as the kids were concerned.

Break it all down into bitesize chunks. You're right in trying not to load too much onto each day definitely stick at that bit.

I found that my biggest problem was myself, and that the more I got wound up the worse it all got. And I did get really wound up about it all. You've got to get a bit of fun and lightness back in your life, and I know that with all you've got on it's really hard. But once you've got that it will make tackling the rest so much easier.

Don't run yourself down. What you are doing now is far more than even the most challenging jobs. You are basically working full time and a half hours with every moment of your day with your brain pre-occupied with managing the detail that is needed in running a small family. It is no mean feat, so don't underestimate it, and how well you are doing. I worked it out one day I was in the same pit of dispair as you, and I was spending the equivalent of a part time job just managing food, three meals a day, thinking, preparing, cooking, sitting at the table for nearly an hour whilst they messed around instead of eating it, shopping etc. It all adds up.

My sanity was my 9pm reward break. Kids asleep in bed, me, tv, cup of tea and a small bar of chocolate. And then at 10pm to midnight I did all the office work that you just can't get done with the kids around in the daytime.

I learnt never to answer the phone between 4pm and 7pm. I found that with my kids this part of the day was always quite fraught, it was OK if I kept up with or ahead of them, but if the phone rang and I was distracted for the normal half an hour, the kids would go wayward and start bickering, and I would spend the rest of the evening crossly trying to chase myself and catch up. So, I just told hubby and my sister that if they phoned at that time of the day it simply wouldn't get answered. No-one else was important, the phone could wait. It was a easy thing but definitely something that took away a lot of the stress of that time of day.

And book the holiday. Because if it's booked Hubby will stop making reasons to postpone it, and even if its several months away that reward will keep you going.

Just make sure that it's a holiday that the children will be 100% happy and entertained on. Because from what you tell us, and from my experience, even on a holiday, the only way you're going to get a break is if the kids are happy and occupied.

Good luck.

System

Din't want to read and run. I can see from your post you're obviously going through a lot right now. I can relate to low mood and the state of the house. I'll be honest i have weeks worth of washing to do but just the thought of it depresses me further. It isn't helping either that the snow and weather is making me feel worse and kind of trapped inside. But hopefully it will go soon!

I can relate to eating the wrong foods as well, can't seem to stop myself snacking (mainly on chocolate-time of the month i blame my hormones). Does your husband know how bad you've been feeling?Is there any way he could perhaps help out a bit more with housework just to take some of the stress off you?

Counting_Pennies_2

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Does your husband know how bad you've been feeling?Is there any way he could perhaps help out a bit more with housework just to take some of the stress off you?

He understands to a point.

It took a year to make him understand. One morning I sat at the foot of the bed, son despatched to preschool, daughter sleeping and cried my heart out. Told him everything that was going on in my head. He got out of bed (having slept in!) and said thanks for that I have a full day ahead of me and now you have left me feeling suicidal.

I later in yet another non quiet moment said that is how I feel every minute of the day, and it finally dawned on him.

I left a webpage of description of Postnatal Depression on his laptop, and I think he got it.

But each week, I have to remind him there are limitations to my ability, that I can't do everything I used to do and what I do takes it out of me.

To be honest I fooled myself in the first year, that next week I would be ok. I am now resigned that it will take longer, and that I have come so far, and that today I am having a set back, but I can normally put on a front of my life to the outside world ok.

When he doesn't have other things on his mind he does help with the children, when he is here he will come out of the office at 6pm and help put them to bed, and at the weekends we try to get a lie in on one day each, but I tend to end up doing most. He has an ability to bring the children to bed and snore through everything!

I poured it all out to him on the 5 minute phone call, so that probably hasn't gone down well. Had to go, they were all waiting for him in the restaurant!

Counting_Pennies_2

Just wanted to say night and thank you all.

I had quite a nice end to a fraught day. I had Mary Poppins on the Sky planner, and put it on in the background as I tidied up.

Amazing how you remember all the songs, even now!

x

sandiep

It does get better. Honest!