I just wish this snow would go

Counting_Pennies_2

I just want to come to vent to you all. Sorry, tried to relieve the frustration through little cries throughout the day, but still feeling so down, I think putting it into words might help me.

I just can't bear this snow any more.

I am getting out of two years of hell with PND and having just hosted Christmas, and now all this snow, I am on my knees.

We don't have family nearby, each about 100 miles away. One side of the family is useless, cause more stress when they do visit (4 times in 5 years), the other is helpful for a couple of days a year, but that is it. Calling them for help just because I can't cope isn't a good enough reason, it has to be for an operation, or something for my husband (they are the inlaws).

I have counselling once a fortnight, used to be once a week and I have managed so well to get myself out of my living hell, but I can feel myself slipping, and I so desperately want to get out of the house, but the expedition is so great, I end up more stressed than when I started.

I have to get my son to school, along with a toddler. I am managing to do a semi rota with some mums for some of the time to share the younger ones at home while we trudge in the snow, but it isn't possible all the time.

I woke up this morning, yet another day my husband is away on business, and wanted to cry at yet another snow fall. I feel so house bound, I find myself standing in my bay window just to feel I am nearly outside. I just stare out at this constant sea of snow. Preventing me from getting on with life and getting better.

My strategies to get through the bad times these last few years has been to have one thing to do a day, a play group, supermarket shopping trip, or a trip to the gym and put my DD into the creche for an hour for me to get some sanity back.

All of these are now unachieveable. I tried the supermarket today and was shaking by the time I got back. The gym is in the country and currently not possible to get to without a 4 x 4. Play groups are too far away, we are completely stuck again since the last snow fall, so can't get the car out.

My husband is away several nights each week, he doesn't call when he is away, apart from a text, or maybe a quick call to say night, before heading out with his colleagues. He doesn't call in the day, too busy. If he does call I am so down that he just doesn't want to talk to me anyway. I probably have driven him away but I am so desperately sad.

I spent months preparing for Christmas, was on my knees at the point they left, and then got the equivalent of an unplanned half term straight afterwards with school closing.

All this is probably achieveable for most, but for me it was an achievement to make it to Christmas without coming down with an illness (my stress normally manifests itself with a virus!)

I am eating too much and the wrong things, I know it is the wrong way for comfort.
I am getting frustrated with the children, who in turn are pushing every boundary there is.
My DD is in week 3 of potty training. Bad timing I know, but the preschool will take her if she is dry, and that will help me in the long run.

I begged my husband for us to go away on holiday, we haven't been away for two years, this last year was cancelled dealing with a dying granny on my husband's side and looking after his spinster aunt who has never left home. He isn't keen to go away now, wants to wait until May. His answer, if I want a holiday get a job. If I say I have been a basket case and not capable of a job (I held down a good one before kids!) I am not exaggerating.

He said I could go away for a weekend back in November to help me get ready for Christmas which was helpful. But the resources have all gone, and now he has booked himself time away so he gets his return of that favour!

I try to explain to him that I am exhausted that his time away on work is the same as my weekend away. But of course work isn't for fun so he is still owed a return.

Most of my 'friends' I lost when I crashed with PND, others work and aren't about in the day, or a too far to get to.

I am so low that my house has become a pit, and that depresses me so much. Ironing is piled high, I just about get through the dishwasher, washing, then keeping my DD entertained, packed lunches, meals and school runs.

Sorry I ramble in a long moan. I am just at the end of all my resources.

Money_maker

Just to say I'm sorry for your predicament. I know how frustrating it can be when you cant get the little ones out at least to the supermarket or somewhere during the day. Helps to use up all their pent up energy.

Your OH isn't sounding very helpful, perhaps a chat could be in order for when he returns?

Are you on any meds? Perhaps a trip to the doctors to adjust doseage?

Don't worry about the state of the house. We're all in the same boat with little ones running around. As long as the basics are done (food, clean clothes) then everything else can wait. You are expecting to achieve too much. Just looking after 2 children 24/7 is a full time job let alone housekeeper, cook, cleaner and chauffeur to boot.

Sit down tonight and relax.

whitewing

When my ironing piles up to unachievable levels I smooth out the clothes as best I can and pack them away without ironing. It can help to get it out of sight.

blue_mum

Hi, sending hugs.

I agree with Money Maker that your Husband sounds not very helpful and a talk on his return might help.

Regarding Pre school, and potty training your daughter so that she can go. Pre schools are not allowed to do this, children can attened even in nappies/pullups. Ask them about there incontinence policy and discrimination. Asking parents to get there children toilet trained before they start causes more anxiety than it is worth.
Don't put extra pressure onto yourself or child with this. talk to the pre school.

Also try your doctors again and see if you are on the right dosage. I had PD, and sometimes do slip backwards, and know that I do have to go back to the Doctors for extra support if my inital self help plans do not work. They are there for you.
x

salesaddict

I am so sorry for all you are going through at the moment. I am sorry that I have no practical help to offer. You have been through so much and you have done so much to help yourself already. I really respect and admire you for that. This is a rotten time of year for most people, least of all for someone like you with your pnd issues. Do you think you may suffer from SAD as well. Please don't think that I am belittling all your issues when I make the suggestion of one of those lamps that replicate daylight? It may help as you said about you standing in the bay window to feel like you are outside. Could you wrap up really warm and go out in the garden with the children just to play and have some fun?. Don't stress about the housework. Just try to do one tiny bit each day. I'd like to give your other half a kick up the backside(no offence) It is fun to go to work and get away from the daily grind that looking after young children can be. Take care and please let us know how you are feeling tomorrow. xxx

kezbabybabe

Hi Counting Pennies,

First of all have a virtual *hug*, it sounds like you've had quite the time of it lately.

I'm not sure if I can provide any thing that would be useful for you, but I bet you already feel a little bit better for writing it down?

Maybe if it feels like it's piling on top of you a to-do list might help? I'd probably keep it quite simple rather than filling it with huge tasks which will seem daunting, just putting one part of a task down and assigning a time scale for it that you feel is achieveable? You can then build on this when you are feeling more confident.

This snow is being a right pain in the what not and I sympathise entirely, especially if you find it difficult to walk around on it. If you do have someone that you can 'buddy' up with you could do a short shopping trip together?

I hope things improve for you soon and that this snow dissappears.

Hopefully other members on here will be able to offer you more suitable advice?

Kerry

Agutka

I can see myself in your post CP. Having the opportunity to go out and about when you want is such a saver, I am soooo glad I made it out of the house yesterday to toddler group and a supermarket. Then this morning, lovely fresh snow and bang I won't be driving again. At least we have to go out with the dog, so that takes half a day.

Your husband sounds like mine, they just don't get it. I have asked him many times to go read up on depression, but he's just one of those "get over it" people. He never phones during the day either - too important I suppose. His weekends are sacred and he needs good sleep every night - I'm still waiting for my turn after two years. I make up for it with getting nothing done. I haven't touched the kitchen since sunday, the bedroom since november. My to-do list is phenomenally long, and I don't care. If I ever get a bit of energy it is interrupted by a phonecall from Mother and I'm back on the sofa, under a blanket again!

If it means anything to you, I think you're doing very well. All the things you say you get done are the important things and well done for doing them. Your kids sound well taken care of. As for hubby - pretend you're a single parent and when he is there for you it feels like a fab gift.

elektra-2007

Heres a virtual "Hug" From me although its not enough. I can understand how frustrated you are my sons school is open but I cant get him there, and were both suffering from "cabin fever". What about talking to the other mums with toddlers and suggesting a toddler hour at each others houses, it might give you a little incentive to spruce up the downstairs, provide some company for you and little one. Offer to host the first one, aslong as youve got some juice and tea and coffee. Not going out at the moment is saving you a bit of money can you put it away and maybe you and the kids go away for a few days or, leave them with inlaws and get a night away? Have you joined any online support forums for pd? Maybe you could increase your councelling for the short term.I really hope it works out. Your husband dosnt sound very supportive atm, maybe hes a little over whelmed, which doesnt help you. Do you get on enough with any of your family to go visit them for a week? Maybe use the excuse of wanting your kids to see their grandparents? Hope it works out for you, and hopfully this time next week all the snow will have melted and you can get back into a routine!

Counting_Pennies_2

Thank you all.

It really has helped to write it down. What a lovely lot you are to have listened and replied.

I have gone off and had a good cry, with the children safely in their beds. Then sat down and strangely Snow Watch was on in the background.

I sat and watched them getting so excited about the wildlife you get to see just by their foot prints in the snow, and found myself mystified by it. Suddenly the snow had an upside too. Not saying I want it to stay around any longer though!

My DD has finally fallen asleep, she chatters on and on then finally zonks.

I have done the dishwasher, second washing machine load and son's packed lunch and I will do a tidy up now, so I feel better when I wake in the morning. My husband is home tomorrow night, probably after yet another children's bed time on my own. So I might be able to leave DD with him while I walk DS in to school on Friday.

Thanks all

x

Counting_Pennies_2

salesaddict wrote: »

This is a rotten time of year for most people, least of all for someone like you with your pnd issues. Do you think you may suffer from SAD as well. Please don't think that I am belittling all your issues when I make the suggestion of one of those lamps that replicate daylight?

Thank you, yes I think I have suffered from SAD for many years. In fact PND has just raised to the surface a huge amount of problems that have been simmering for decades.

My husband bought me a SAD lamp for Christmas, I requested one as I think I need it.

When I do my tidy up tonight I will look for it, I can't find a thing in the house, I had to make a further 2 bedrooms in my 3 bed house for Christmas, and we are still upside down. My presents are somewhere!

x

Counting_Pennies_2

blue_mum wrote: »

Regarding Pre school, and potty training your daughter so that she can go. Pre schools are not allowed to do this, children can attened even in nappies/pullups. Ask them about there incontinence policy and discrimination. Asking parents to get there children toilet trained before they start causes more anxiety than it is worth.
Don't put extra pressure onto yourself or child with this. talk to the pre school.

Thank you. It is a pain, this is a private nursery/preschool and they seem to be able to make their own rule book.

My DD is an August baby and as such it is very difficult to get her into any preschool locally for September this year.

I am at a disadvantage either way you look at it. If entry is to be done by date of name on register, I am at the end of a year's wait list, because of her birth. It is is done of birth date, the same happens, she is at the end of an academic year.

The preschools locally have massive wait lists, and I got the last place of the three preschools for my son who is a March baby, so I don't feel I have much chance of getting her in.

So we have decided to pay a little extra and get her into a private one, just round from the school, so easy to do drop offs, and they also take them at 2 and a half. So a month left to go to get the potty training done.

They are slightly snooty, they can set their own rules, but the children all come out wonderfully from there. The teachers are lovely, and the children tend to be in the top half of their year group, so I have high hopes that she will be ok, I just need to get her dry! They have a settling in day before they accept them, I am sure it is to check they are dry!