Can't afford to buy my boyfriend a christmas present

SarahMoon

Money is really tight, I had to quit my job due to someone sexually assulting me at work and getting no support from my employer or the police so I walk away from a job I liked to an extent.

I had some money in savings, I was on the phone to my ex asking for the money he owed me, He smashed his phone and come and saw me demanding I buy him a new one threatening me etc, I give in and go to the nokia shop with him where he clears my savings out. My boyfriend gives me £50 a week to help me whilst I am unemployed at uni (I stay with him 3-4 days a week and he takes care of bills etc) My ex says if I didnt buy him the phone he would tell my current partner some things about me, I'm not sure what but my ex can be convincing and I am worried what rubbish he will make up. (I am going to pay my boyfriend back I am keeping a tab and will pay him back)

Thing is, this was the week before christmas, I was going to go Ireland with my parents/sister so I wouldnt have seen my boyfriend over christmas, so we said we would do the whole gift giving after christmas. I needed no money in Ireland luckily. I come back to find a note from my ex saying "The money I owe you well you have to wait until March" Now I was hoping I would get the money back and be able to afford to get him something, I'm seeing him Tuesday and I don't know what to say I can afford something at the end of the month.

How do I explain this to my boyfriend? Is he going to hate me? How do I resolve my ex boyfriend?

Sorry if I've been a b*tch round here this has made me lash out at people and I feel really depressed.

simpywimpy

Ho awful that you should be stuck with a controlling ex like this. Do you feel it would be possible to discuss the full situation with your current boyfriend? This would take away the control your ex has surely.

LeeSouthEast

Be honest. Christmas is only doable if you can afford it. If your current boyfriend really loves you, he won't mind at all and will understand completely.

Pete*G_4

send him an anonymous email linking to this thread, let him read it and work it out for himself?

RAS

SarahMoon wrote: »

Money is really tight, .

I had some money in savings, I was on the phone to my ex asking for the money he owed me, He smashed his phone and come and saw me demanding I buy him a new one threatening me etc, I give in and go to the nokia shop with him where he clears my savings out. My boyfriend gives me £50 a week to help me whilst I am unemployed at uni (I stay with him 3-4 days a week and he takes care of bills etc) My ex says if I didnt buy him the phone he would tell my current partner some things about me, I'm not sure what but my ex can be convincing and I am worried what rubbish he will make up. (I am going to pay my boyfriend back I am keeping a tab and will pay him back)

How do I explain this to my boyfriend? Is he going to hate me? How do I resolve my ex boyfriend?

You start by telling your curent BF exactly what you put above.

You then make sure that you have no further contact with your ex. You are not going to get back the original money or the money you just let him clear out of your account.

Zazen999

Not another boyfriend problem?

thorsoak

SarahMoon wrote: »

My ex says if I didnt buy him the phone he would tell my current partner some things about me, I'm not sure what but my ex can be convincing and I am worried what rubbish he will make up.

Sarah - do you honestly think this will be the one and only time your ex tries to blackmail you in this manner?

If you have given in to him, he will do it again .... and again.... and again.

I suggest you come clean with your current b/f - show him this thread possibly - if he loves you, he will believe you. If he doesn't believe you, then there's no point in pursuing it.

SarahMoon

Thanks,

He will understand but he will think I don't love him or I am using him. I'm not I hate it when he has to buy me things or give me money. I am keeping a record so I can pay him back.

Its mainly my exs friend that tells me what my ex is doing (We are friends) which makes me feel awful and still feeling a little controlled (admittedly) but I will burst out crying tommorrow when he gives me what he got me as I cannot afford to get him anything

If I was to tell my boyfriend everything that has happend I'm not sure how he will react

RAS

Sarah

As long as you hide this from your current BF, your ex can blackmail you.

Frankly, I would be pretty furious with you in your BF's situation. You know what a vile piece of work he is and you still contact him? Your BF would probably much rather you had not rung your ex.

sammyjammy

Couldn't you have made him something its not all about money?

sprinkleglitter

There is still time to bake a cake/make cookies/jelly/bowl of cutard or whatver you happen to have about (there is ALWAYS something;)!!!) Tell him you love him and explain what has happened. If he loves you he will accept this, if not he is not worth it and you will only be wasting ore time staying with him.