Bit of advice please....

Scared1980

Thanks again everyone for the responses :0) Its lovely to hear all the different experiences.

The reason I haven't done it before now is that I have been a single mum before and could not afford to, however my OH moved in in November and has always said he is more than happy for me to give up work (although he'd miss me - we work together lol). he is an amazing guy ;0)

Another reason it has become more appealing is to spend more time with my mum and nan's, my mum has Parkinsons and it is beginning to take its toll on her, so i'd love to be able to help her out more and I am lucky enough to have both my nans still who I dote on and would love to be able to spend more time with (one of them is 92 going on 18 lol).

I think I am just worried about money etc. but I have managed so far and I think I could easily do bits and pieces at home as I design web sites and am a trained IT Auditor so I think if I advertised a bit I could get bits of work!

The reason I am thinking of doing it now rather thanwait until maternity leave etc. is purely selfish in that I want the bonding time with my 2 dds before no3 arrives and the chance to get used to the sahm routine too.

Ok... rambling now lol!

Thanks again for all the responses

L
x

ubamother

I did it and hated it. I like the structure of work, I like the interaction with other people who aren't part of my home network, I like achieving things that affect other people. I need the buzz of external approbation. I need to be problem solving outside my comfort zone. If you don't, or you get your sense of achievement from home, then great. If you're not totally sure - why not try scaling down first - maybe work part-time so you still have a foothold in your industry if you decide not to go all the way and not work at all. From your post above, you are still thining in terms of work - even if it's from home. Do be very wary - whatever your chosen industry it can develop and change very very quickly and your skills, if not seen to be updated within the industry can be quickly disregarded. Whatever career advice people may say to returning women, the skills learned/honed at home - organisation, delegation blah blah blah are NOT respected in most industries except maybe at entry level to get a foot in the door. While my particular industry is very different from yours, and everyone's experience is different, do be aware that there is a risk to your future prospects/earning potential when you're ready to go back.

Kimitatsu

Scared - sounds to me like you have a good setup. If you can do some bits and pieces at home to supplement your income then you probably wont feel like you have given everything up completely!

I went from working a ridiculous number of hours a week to being a SAHM and then when my two both went to school then I went back to college and then worked part time, working my way back up to almost full time with a combination of flexible working and working from home.

For me I have the best of all worlds, I have a great relationship with my sons, they see that someone has to work to afford the things they want (whether its mum or dad) and they get to understand how to stick to a budget as we do lots of OS stuff so we can afford our lifestyle.

As has been said a routine is the key, and once you have that routine in place then you will wonder how you ever found time to work full time (I know I do!!)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do

valk_scot

I left a good career structure and a better salary than my OH to become a SAHM, fifteen years ago. Never regretted it, really, though a lot of my friends and some of my family thought I was insane. I sort of intended to go back part time when my youngest started school (that was three years ago) but when OH and I talked about it and looked at the finances it barely seemed worth the hassle for the money involved, especially when it came to childcare. Yes we miss the extra money.....most of our friends have a great joint income, we don't and it shows!....but we've got enough and me being at home means not only do I not have work related expenses, I have time to make sure that the income we do have gets used well. I cook and bake, have time to shop carefully for bargains, run a big allotment, sew, knit, do the DIY, garden and all the other stuff that saves shelling out actual cash. I have time to walk or bike places, use the cheaper off-peak fares, don't need to buy extra clothes etc for work. All of this saves money and goes a long way to compensating for that missing second income.

Also, what price quality of life? I'm here for the kids 24/7 which means they can come home after school, get lots of 1:1 attention, no problems as to who looks after them if they're sick or on holiday or if they need a lift somewhere. We have time to do activities together or outside the house and it means that when OH is here we're not trying to catch up with chores or shopping at the weekend but have time to spend together as a family. We can take advantage of my OH's ridiculous amount of holiday time too (he's a university lecturer) and can go away at the drop of a hat when he's off, or I can take the kids camping during their holidays and he joins us at the weekends. Life goes at a far more relaxed pace here than at our dual-income friends' homes, belive me!

So yes, go for it. What's the worst that can happen? You and the family hate it and you decide to go back to work? or you may decide to go part time. But at least you've have given it a go.

charliee_3

if i were you and you are able to i'd try and stay at work till you could go on maternity and then dont go back at the end of the 9 months.. it will at least be 9 months of mat pay so less money worries and you dont have to decide for sure until very much near the time you are due back.. i think you can go on maternity quite early if needs be..

esio_trot

I kind of agree with Charlee, if you can hang on until 11 weeks before your due date which I think is the earliest you can go off (certainly is with my LA job), you'll have that extra pay to ease you into being on one wage. Should give you time to put extra money away to help you with the transition too.

I'm really jealous (due in June), we just can't afford for me to stay at home, though we've compromised and I'm planning on part time instead. I think though, if you can afford it and it's what you want, go for it As posters before have said, you can always go back if it's not for you and your family.

lindab15

Scared1980 wrote: »

Another reason it has become more appealing is to spend more time with my mum and nan's, my mum has Parkinsons and it is beginning to take its toll on her, so i'd love to be able to help her out more and I am lucky enough to have both my nans still who I dote on and would love to be able to spend more time with (one of them is 92 going on 18 lol).

Would your employer consider letting you have Carers Leave / Career Break ? Some places can agree a career break of up to 5 years on grounds like this. Would give you some sort of route back into work if for some reason it didn't work out for you. Not just about like / don't like, but if your financial situation changes. Just another option to consider !

Good luck whatever you decide.

gizmo111

My happiest times were when my children little and I was at home with them, I managed ot avoid full time work until youngest was 7. Money was tight but we managed without foreign holidays, well any holiday actually, my girls remember me always being there. getting back into work was difficult as I ahd to retrain, but it was worth every minute spent with them and very penny not earned.

maryb

I would also suggest leaving it until you get to 29 weeks then go on maternity leave. It could actually be earlier than that if you save up your holiday and take it just before your leave starts. If you are due in September then that would give you the summer with your two daughters.

Don't give up your right to return till you have to, it's insurance in case it doesn't work out. Don't forget you also accrue benefits while you are on maternity leave including holiday. If you then decide not to go back that ought to be paid in lieu

Ladyhawk

What a lovely opportunity you have. I am single and childless, so don't have any practical advice to give except give it a go... Though I am quite career orientated now, I would love to think that sometime in the future I will meet a wonderful man like you have and be a SAHM. I have plenty of friends who have tried it and hated it and plenty who wouldn't want to do anything else while their kids are young.

My only thought is what a waste it would be of maternity pay to not make the most of it!