im so tired of it all sorry self pity thread

kickingkay

sorry before is start!
im so fed up of having no money im tired and skint and depressed its half term in 3 weeks i have no money to do stuff with the kids, i feel such a crap person and a failure as a parent my children did not ask to be skint nor will they understand when all their friends are jetting off abroad and again another year on we still are not going on holiday.
usually i can cope with this crap i have to deal with it on my own as my other half (in all fairness) has his head burried up his own arss, he cant deal with creditors nor would i make him ( i ran up the severe debts not he)
we have had our DMP since jan with CCCS who are great but things are getting tight i have over committed myself hubby isnt bringing home the wage we were led to believe he would be he is short by 200 quid before tax so take home we are short 50-100 pcm, i dont want to change my arrangement again with the CCCS ive only just updated it in may but these last two months i can feel the pinch and im not coping mentally with it we were doing so well i just want to get my debts paid as it is im looking at it being 20 yrs so you can imagine i jsut want to see alight at the end of teh tunnel im sorry i know self pity is a horrible trait but i need to open up i cant to him he will stress and we will row and i so dont want that
if i tell teh CCCS he isnt getting the amount we thought he would get tehn they will make lower payments to creditirs and ive only just got some of them off my back i dont think i could cope with them ringing and sending threatning letters again!
sorry il stop now before i drown you all in my tears

onestep

first off:

:grouphug:

other people will be along shortly to offer constructive advice I'm sure, but my initial feeling is that you have to tell the CCCS - they will be used to people in exactly your situation, and they will deal with all of the rubbish on your behalf. Let them share your burdens, that's what they are there for.

Chin up - things will be brighter soon.

onestep

lynzpower

Kay,

I was in the exact same spot a few days ago and its the bl**dy pits. I know where you are at.

Instead of focusing on what you cant do, I find it therapeutic to think of all the things I can.

I can sit and chat on here with others and have a moan
I can ask for a cuddle off my OH and hes happy to give it
I can make some nice little fairy buns or something
I can sit and day dream about what I will do when Im finally debt free
I mooch in the garden and today I noticed that my first ever strawberry is grown :T saving me all of about 1p

You can do stacks of things with your kids that dont involve spending money. But I know in this sort of hole you probably cant really be bothered to think about it.

But why dont you do something simple like make cards with them, or jst play with them and rediscover your inner kid. At least for a while?

Or scrabble around find some candles, scrounge a book and grab yourself a few hours on the bed, rest, read and just recuperate.

Dont forget to check out your local council webiste, pretty much every council has some free festival or other these summer days.

If they dont work, I always think to myself, well at least I dont have to walk 7 miles to get water. that puts things in perspective for me usually


SENDING A MASSIVE HUG

calleyw

Oh Kay,

I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time.

You are not a crap person and you are not letting your children down at all. Children need more than things they need love. A holiday will last a week or two but when they are older will they even remeber. Nope.

And how do you know that your childrens friends parents are able to able afford holidays with out putting it on Mr Plastic.

You do though need to talk to your OH. As stress will make you very ill and your children need you. So being a very ill mummy is not very good for them. You and your partner both need to sit down and have a chat. As you can't keep carrying the burden alone.

Do you have assets if not then maybe think about going bankrupt.


Take care and I will you all the best.


Yours


Calley

jessicamb

KK

You are not a crap parent if you love your children. They don't need to have expensive things and in the long term it teaches them the value of money. As a child I think I went on three holidays abroad all the time until I was 21. Didnt harm me. Neither did I have top designer gear/computer games etc. If half term is worrying you I'm certain that there are plenty of parents on here who will have ideas about things you can do for free/cheap.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

tru

Give CCCS a ring and tell them. Also change your phone number and if you get threatening letters, send them on to CCCS.

You're not a failure as a parent, I felt like that for a long time too but my kids are 15 and 16 now. They never say things like 'remember the school holidays when everyone except us went on holiday' but they do say (and my son said this the other day) 'remember when we went to the forest and miss troo tripped and fell down that big dip and got buried under the leaves?' he could hardly get the words out, he was laughing so much :rotfl: (it was hilarious - but I suppose you had to be there lol).

Mr troo is rubbish with budgeting, I sort it all out then tell him what he's allowed to spend, if I have to speak to someone about a debt that's in his name, he rings up and gives permission for them to speak to me.

kathfisch

kickingkay, big (((hugs))) from me. You sound like you're in a really tough patch at the moment and everything is getting to you, understandably.

First of all, you're not a bad parent at all! You are trying to sort out your financial situation and, in doing that, make things better and easier for your family in the future. Kids don't need money, luxuries and holidays - just love and fun (which can be very cheap or free). They don't need designer clothes and new toys every week, and by not spoiling them you are teaching them valuable lessons for life (about the difference between want and need.

About the lack of money at the moment, a call to cccs is definitely a good idea. As onestep says, they are used to dealing with people in your situation and the best thing is to be honest and frank with them. They can help best if they know everything and can really work in your best interest, not if you are trying to manage on an unreasonable amount. This will only make you more likely to 'fall off the wagon' as it were and get into more debt.

Best wishes and hugs,

Kath

oops_a_daisy

awwww kickingkay sending (((((((BIG HUGS)))))) things are bad at the moment but dont beat yourself up about it. There are loads of free things to do with the kids which you and they will probably appreciate more. Kids dont need the latest all singing all dancing mobile, they dont need expensive holidays, they dont need expensive designer clothes etc etc they just need to be loved and that is free hang on in there, things will get better. All the best and good luck OOPS

kickingkay

thankyou girl's i know what you are all saying and yes some of it hits a cord! that i would normally say to others im just naffed off i feel everytime i get a step in the right direction something pulls me back!
my boiler doesnt work, i cant afford a plumber to repair it i have 5 bithdays a sisters wedding next month and im skint! this i think is what is really hitting me ive looked on ebay for an outfit normaaly i would hit the shops and go for the works hat bag the lot so im proud of myself ive asked friends but they are all skinnier than me :rotfl:
not to mention two leaving do's at work a wedding evening god its all adding up! im driving to most to sve on taxi and drinking fares, but its my brothers 40th coming up and we have only really been getting to know each other since our dad died we didnt grow up together different mum's so i really want to go and see him but i just dont know if i can affor the fuel, tehn there is xmas to think about i know i have to save from now! but i cant i just dont have a spare penny i could kick myself up the backside im so cross with myself!
im sitting here telling myself off! crazy woman :rotfl:
i am going to check out the council sites for free avents i am going to get the paints out and sand etc and play with my children i dont play enough thankyou for reminding me that one! i do have to get my house back into order my nan always used to say a tidy house is a tidy mind tahts what i need order!!!!!
i cant go bancrupt because of my job (my role in the family business would mean it would have to cease trading) but i did contemplate it at teh start i do intend on paying my debts i have paid nearly 1400.00 off since jan! so thats good just another 80000 to go :eek:
but i will get there i actually have a good life compaire to some people i dont have to walk 7 miles to get water but i do have to have my heating on all day to get HOT water :rotfl: thankyou for allowing me to laugh at myslef again and to see taht im doing ok
sending grateful hugs back:kisses3:
klare

kickingkay

for all literate users i apologise for my bad spellings! fr dyslexic friends amongst us ih!

jessicamb

Glad you are feeling a bit better!