I am so unhappy - dont know what to do

swiss69

You mention that you have felt like this about him for 4-5 years and your youngest is 4. Was the youngest planned? If so was it a joint decision or did you force the issue?

He may have been just getting his life back to where he wanted it to be with a 9 year old and not having to do quite as much when hey presto another one comes along and needs looking after. Men are not always as keen on kids as women are and whilst they love them, they dont always like running around after them.

I am not saying that the way he is behaving is right but it might explain things a bit perhaps.

Maybe some joint counselling might help you both as he probably feels as unhappy as you but is putting up with things because of the kids.

My view is that if the love has died and cant be rekindled then dont continue with it but try to make things as painless as possible for the kids. My mum stayed in a marriage for 40 years, at least 25 of these were unhappy!

*Louise*

He sounds like an extremely selfish individual. And I feel that you are loath to stand up to him, he obviously has you exactly where he wants you, as you are the one worrying about the kids while he just does what he wants.

Do you love him? Or do you definitely want to leave?

I would make a good attempt to sit down and talk things through before making any further decisions - you don;t want him saying you never gave him a chance to sort things.

If you do decide to leave, you need to think practically. I assume you own the house? Can you aproach your local council/housing org and see what the situaton will be if/when you leave. Technically you will be homeless, and there should be some system in place.

It's a scary decision to make, I really hope that the two of you can talk it through, but I guess that all comes down to him.

robbo04

Hello,I would just like to say that I'am currently going through the same situation as yourself.The only difference is that it was my wife who was treating me as if I was something she had trodden in.We went on holiday in September last year had a brilliant time but as soon as we got through the front door of the house she started hurling abuse at me for no apparent reason,even the children noticed though they aged 18 and 21 they kept out of it.Any way after a couple of weeks back home I said to her why are you not happy and she just said I dont want to be with you anymore,so after a lot of searching I moved out into a house share,not ideal but a start.So the answer to all the abuse you are getting is to just ask him outright why he is giving you such a hard time maybe in his head your marriage is over but he is afraid to say it to your face.It looks like the ball is in your court,you never know you may even find out what is wrong and be able to save your marriage.Good look.

grossbeak

Maybe he should go and see if Canada is the place he wants to be. You can stay in the house and you'll both get a breathing space. He may discover the grass isn't always greener, and you may find out you can do brilliantly without him.

shanleypink

No advice, just thinking of you x

Zazen999

I'd suggest he goes to Canada first - and you will follow if he is happier there, but of course don't!

But, he has to get into Canada first; it's not as easy as just getting on a plane. Has he made inroads into whether he will be accepted or not?

Lets_Say_2

jackie-w, I remember your thread last year when you agonised about taking the job.

No advice to add, except you need to sit down and calmly try to find out why he is so unhappy, and explain how you feel too.

If that doesn't work, then there are plenty here who will advise you how to go about splitting up.

Good luck and hugs x