The hilariously over-optimistic goals I am setting myself in 2010....

dalleDF

Had a pants day at work today. Feeling so demotivated, especially with the passive-aggressive emails from my boss who sits 5 feet away. JUST SPEAK TO ME FOR GOD'S SAKE!

Bought my flatmate beer and choccy for his birthday, but otherwise no more spending, so today was a Low Spend Day. Went to Boot Camp this morning after an internal debate for 10 minutes over whether to go or whether to have a lie-in. I made myself 10 minutes late, but at least I went, and I was glad I did in the end.

Going to make a big fruit salad tonight. My friend brought me a present of a pineapple the other day, and I bought 2 mangoes from Lidl at the weekend as they were only 24p. Bargain!

Have had another crack at the budget for the next few months, and things are looking a bit better. If I really try hard and live frugally I should be able to overpay my Egg loan enough to get rid of it by April. The end date as it stands now is September. This will mean compromising on quite a few things, but if I am disciplined I should still be able to afford my holiday and my tattoo, although the sessions will have to be shorter. The food and entertainment budget are going to take a major hit over the next 12 weeks, but after that things will be easier. Meanwhile will keep ebaying and selling on Green Met, Amazon etc but honestly am running out of stuff!

Am going to start doing daily clicks, have now figured out bingo as well, won a tenner yesterday. Will do it for a month until the free £5 daily bonus runs out, and every time I get over £50 I will withdraw. Fingers crossed I will make some decent money from it.

Am shattered tonight and am facing Hell Day at work tomorrow so will do half an hour of yoga and then hit the sack early. Am dying to watch Flashdance but hopefully it will be repeated at the weekend. God, what a brilliant film. Legwarmers at the ready!

Day 21

Fags smoked: 0
Bottles of wine drunk: 0
Chocolate eaten: a small Milky Bar
Cereal bars eaten: 2
Minutes spent running around in mud: 35
Minutes spent sleeping in: Not enough
Weight lost: Gym scales say 4lb
Weight gained: Home scales say 3lb
Actual change in weight: Who knows?
Pairs of size 12 trousers into which fat a*s can be shoe-horned: -3
Cash spent: £2 on beer and choc for flatmate
Amount of life force sucked out by vampire boss: Large

dalleDF

Sod the early night. Am watching Flashdance.

dalleDF

...I have fallen off the wagon in spectacular style. See, this is what happens when you don't write in your MSE diary for a while. Motivation has well and truly slipped.

Feeling depressed about several areas of my life, so tonight I am going to count my blessings, and work out a plan of action to change the things that need changing.

But first to confess my sins:

I went to a rubbish party and I drank. I took energy drinks with me with the intention of just drinking those all night, but after some drunken tosspot chucked a pint of wine all over me I thought sod it, if you can't beat em, join em. I didn't get legless but I had a few. Have since had a couple of glasses of wine at work lunches. But haven't been drinking at home in the evenings.

Tonight I was feeling low and wanted to sabotage my healthy month so I bought a 10 pack of cigarettes and smoked one on the way home. So now am going to have to kick them all over again.

Today I also ordered a salad for lunch, but then I had a sticky toffee pudding afterwards so that cancelled out the healthy main course.

And I skived Boot Camp on Monday. In my defence, I haven't been sleeping well and 5 hours sleep is not enough to get up at 6.30am and go running in the cold. I haven't dared try on the Trousers of Doom lately, but I did weigh myself and I am still gaining weight rather than losing it. If I had the money I would go on the cocaine diet like the supermodels do!

Work is pants at the moment. Have had a breakthrough in the struggle to forge an alternative career path, but at the moment it is hard work and time consuming for no pay, and may remain so for a while. But I will keep at it.

Tonight I am going to smoke another cigarette, drink a glass of whisky, have a bath and listen to sad music. Then I pledge that tomorrow I will sort myself and get back on the wagon.

In other news, I promised you a love interest....and I actually have 2 dates lined up in the next couple of weeks. One is a second date with a guy I'm just not sure about. He is lovely but I forget him quite quickly when he doesn't text for a few days. Not sure if that says more about him or me.

In other other news: still no sign of the blo*dy Ugg boots!

Day 26:

Fags smoked: 1
Bottles of wine drunk: 1.5
Cake eaten: 1 sticky toffee pudding
Cereal bars eaten: 0
Minutes spent running around in mud: 0
Minutes spent sleeping in: Too many
Weight lost: 0
Weight gained: Probably about a metric f*cktonne
Pairs of size 12 trousers into which fat a*s can be shoe-horned: 0
Cash spent: £4.81 on fags, matches, chewing gum and a scratchcard
Pounds won on scratchcard: 0
Amount of life force sucked out by vampire boss: Almost all
Job sites scoured on work time: 5

BankFree

Hi Hannah,

Just thought you sounded like you needed some cheering up so here goes...
It is always better to satisfy craving urges as its probably what you really needed to pick you up so dont feel bad!! The fags and booze will help... I am meant to not be drinking mid week and fell off the wagon last tuesday after a !!!! day at work, after a bottle of wine I felt much better and ready to start the week again :-)

Plus well done for lasting that long without fags, I would probably last a day at most!!!

And it's only 4 days till pay day (if your the end of the month like me, so you've nearly got the worst day of the month of the year out of the way :-)

Plus you can start drinking again in February which will help alleviate the stress of money saving!!

dalleDF

Hello! Thankyou for the encouraging words. Am trying to view this as a temporary setback from which I will soon recover! Thank !!!! it's almost Feb.

Corona007

Hey Hannah, don't beat yourself up on how you've spoilt "X many good days" with one setback. We all have good days and we all have bad days no matter what our target is - be it to save money, quit drinking, learn the piano, become prime minister or climb Mt Everest.

What matters is not whether we can sustain something for X number of days but whether we can achieve something over X number of days. And from what I've read you are doing just fine.

dalleDF

It's almost February and there is both good news and bad news to report.

First, the bad news. I have fallen off the wagon with the smoking and the drinking this past week, although I haven't actually got really drunk, just had the odd one here and there. So as long as I don't fall back into my old ways I'm ok that. Moderation etc. The smoking has got to go again though, especially as it seems to directly affect how much exercise I do. I can't actually afford to smoke at the moment anyway, unless I don't eat, so will have to read Allen Carr again and brainwash myself out of it.

The Uggs are being held hostage by Parcelforce and HM Customs, who want £53 before they will deliver them. This effectively erases the saving I thought I was making by ordering them from the US and has thrown my already tight budget all out of whack. And I still don't have the bloody boots!

The good news is I am down to 10st 6lbs, from 10st 11lbs at the start of the month. Tried on the Trousers of Doom again today and they are looking much better on. Still got muffin tops pooching out over the top though, so I have a way to go. I realised if I went for a 15 min run every day I could probably maintain the weight loss without having to force myself to go to the dreaded gym three times a week. I can't afford Boot Camp this month so am going to have to start running. Target is still a hilariously optimistic 9st.

Have been doing Bingo Britain even though it is deathly boring, and managed to withdraw £45 of winnings today. Still have £47 bonus money to play as well. Yay!

Also, amazingly I have got an interview for the job I went for, which I desperately want to get. Am spending today writing out practice interview answers and doing research. I HAVE to get this job. It would be a brilliant career move for me and would also solve the money worries as I would be debt free in 6 months on the money they are offering. Please cross everything for me!!

BankFree

Good luck with the interview :-) sending you lots of positive thoughts :-) what is bingo britain? Is it free to play, I am planning on joining a couple of them as u make money in cashback if you do it through quidco...

dalleDF

With Bingo Britain they are doing an offer at the moment where you get £5 free every day for a month to play with if you deposit £5. It's really boring but I have won £65 so far and have only been on it 10 days. So it's worth it.
Thanks for the crossed fingers!

dalleDF

Have been a bit lax with posting lately, need to get back into it to stay motivated. I went for the job interview and it seemed to go well (touch wood!). They are doing another round of interviews but there are only 4 people on the shortlist so my odds are good. If I got the job I would be able to walk to work every day, I timed it and it was half an hour each way, and quite a nice walk so I could probably cancel my gym membership. Result = saving of £42 a month plus being able to fit into the Trousers of Doom hopefully! Felt like punching my boss today so I really think it is time for me to move on and do something that will make me happier during my 9 to 5. *Crossing fingers, toes and other appendages*

In other news, I have won and withdrawn a total of £87 since I started doing Bingo Britain, but today I received a curt message informing me that my membership has been withdrawn. No explanation, although I have asked them why. I didn't think I was breaking any rules. Well, at least I got some cash out of them before they kicked me off the site!

The long-awaited Ugg boots finally arrived after I grudgingly paid the ransom demanded by Parcelforce and HM Customs. And I feel like an idiot now because they don't even look that nice on. Plus it was sunny today, not a hint of snow, and not weather to be wearing big boots. I had a look at how much they are going for on ebay and I would make a loss if I sold them, so am going to accept that I have been a bad MSE-er and just suck it up. Maybe they will look better once I have broken them in.

Have been cr*ap on the health front - smoking, drinking, eating noodles and biscuits and not exercising. *Sigh* Can feel the muffin tops creeping back already. This needs to be addressed. If I get this new job I pledge I will overhaul my life properly this time. I think a change of routine would be a really good kick up the backside to help me do this.

In love interest news, I have been on dates with boys but although they were both lovely there wasn't really a romantic spark. But now they are both texting me wanting another date and I just don't know if I can be bothered.

I did, however, develop a raging teenage crush on someone inappropriate and sent an embarrassing email confessing same to the object of my affections whilst rather 'refreshed' after a night out. He has graciously let me down gently but I now have to see him tomorrow (much sooner than I was expecting). *Cringe*. Am going to hold my head high and pretend like nothing happened. Hope my blushes don't give me away. See, this is why I shouldn't drink. Or at least my phone should have a built-in breathalyser. The person who invents that will become a millionaire. Maybe this is the solution to my financial worries...? *Goes off to draw up blueprints*