Eager Elephant's Effective Everyday Excursion ...

mooomin

Hi EE

Didn't want to see your post and not comment!

Massively long PM sent!

moo2moo

Have reached the conclusion that the only good man is the one belonging to someone else. Wondering if I can persuade the DDs to become lesbians thus saving them from all this hassle.

Sorry hes being such a twonk EE.

Have to admit I do have days where at the threat of suicide a little part of me thinks to myself if you're going to do it then get it over and done with so that I can get on with my lfe without wondering if todays the day I'm going to walk in the door to find him swinging from the banisters. Very selfish of me I know.

Hope things improve.

Might be worth you suggesting he lists his car on Ebay since he won't need it come the middle of the week, it would save the hassle of having two lots of insurance running etc. etc. We sold OHs last one that way and got four times what we were offred as a part ex.

angelicmary85

I've no experience of living with depression but personally, I think the 'getting a reaction' thing is a bit of a cop out...he hasn't had his LBM and is using any excuse he can come up with to still spend. He seems to be using emotional blackmail as a way of you forgiving him. Don't shout at me...I'm just giving you my honest opinion!!

I'm really sorry if I'm talking out of turn but I think you have to get tough...Good luck!!

scoobylicious

Hey eager elley- I come from a family of elley obsessed people :rotfl:
I absolutely admire what you're doing in trying to get your life back on track financially.
I hope you don't mind though but I also agree with angelic, she always has very wise words
I was with my lovely boyfriend for 7 years until last summer when I had a half LBM If I was really wealthy I'm not sure we'd have really fallen out much. But... everytime something didn't go his way or he was just in a strop he would go and buy something for himself and then not be able to fund it so I would end up bailing him out with a credit card. Each time he'd 'learnt his lesson & it wouldn't happen again'. It got worse & he bought a car & then a dog :mad: He does get depressed & I was so fond of him I just wanted him to feel better, but when you look at my sig you'll see I really couldn't afford it! I'm really not sure how you go about it, (I obviously failed!) but I think some tough love if you can do it is probably a good idea. I know it's not easy and I'm sure you might need 3rd party help to convince him that it's not just you 'getting at him'. If not though any efforts made by you are just likely to be squandered by him
Sorry... this is all longer & rather more involved than I had intended but you seem to be trying so hard for both of you and I really remember that sinking feeling when you're not sure whether your OH is not quite as on board a you thought
Best wishes and hope my small tale unnecessary
Scooby x

Eager_Elephant

Thanks for your comments.

I am not sure what the answer is with my DH, I have tried tough love.
When we first moved in together we had a joint bank account and we spent whatever we wanted including on the credit cards. Not sure when I had my lightbulb moment but there was a point when I realised that we could not continue like that forvever.
DH was pretty much on board but this did tend to go in phases, he had agreed to stop using the credit cards but then I will see a statement and he had brought loads of thngs off ebay, not expensive but 20 things per month soon added up.
He agreed not to buy off ebay again but he did so I changed the password on the ebay account, this worked for a little while until he opened his own ebay account and then started buying on there!!

The minimum payments were still coming out of the joint account and I started to wonder why I should pay for his frivolous spending - he agreed again to stop spending but it didn't work so I tried the 'if you buy from ebay again I will leave' - this worked for about 6 months but then he started again and of course I thought it was a petty reason to leave so didn't.

I demanded single bank accounts as I was getting fed up, DH has his own account, I have one and we have a joint one. DH loves spending so this just gave him the green light to spend more. His OD is now at £1350, obviously at the start it was £100 but every few months he gradually increases it and then looks astounded when they send a new thick booklet about the account and tried to deny the overdraft has increased even though the letter with it says he has.

He barely makes it through each month moneywise but then he doesn't need to worry because he just ups the overdraft, soon it is going to get to a point when the minimum payments are more than the income.

I always make sure he transfers on pay day enough money for the bills etc and after that I don't worry.

So if I have tried tough love and it didn't work and I am now on soft love and that doesn't work where do I go??

I'm not making excuses for him but I am sure it did not help that he moved in with me straight from his mum's whereas I had been living away from home for 5 years and knew how to run a household. He kind of just moved into a ready made house with bills all sorted so he has not had to worry about paying bills.

This probably isn't it at all, at Relate he said he didn't want to be treated as a child which is why he deliberately brought things to wind me up to prove that he could do what he wanted.

I understand that the dream of buying a farm will not happen! I hope to clear my credit cards within the next few years and to start saving to prove to him that I can do it without him.

As I said above I would walk away from the marriage but I feel bad for the children because they love their dad and also now we have a relative living with us I couldn't walk away - I did mention to DH whether he had done this on purpose to stop me leaving but he said he hadn't!!

Guess I'll just have to see how life goes for now.

Moo - I agree with what you are saying, but for me if I at least stay for another 10 years or so the sex will have been worth it and I won't have wasted my life!!

EE

Eager_Elephant

Forgot to say that in future when he buys somethng and it annoys me I will not comment to him and instead I will come on here and !!!!!!!

This way he does not have the satisfaction of knowing he has wound me up! and it will not prove I love him!

EE

moo2moo

It works for me. Big shiny parcels arrive and I go "thats nice dear" and pootle off. At some opportune moment I let rip on the PC keyboard and let fly with all the related comments and then resume life chilled. Fortunately I tend not to hit post cos theres a fair old chance I'd break the swear filter.

Eek its 7am and the DDs are still snoring away. Need to get them moving otherwise we'll be v. late for school which is never good on the first day back.

BLT_2

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

Thanks for your comments.


Moo - I agree with what you are saying, but for me if I at least stay for another 10 years or so the sex will have been worth it and I won't have wasted my life!!

EE

And in years to come, when the finances and sulks have got to the point where you are not talking anymore let alone having sex, you finally bail out.

And then find you are too old to attract another partner cause every guy wants a partner 10 or 20 years younger than him (because his pot belly and balding head don't actually show up in the mirror )so have wasted a potential 20 years of sex :rotfl:

moo2moo

I have to disagree here. You are NEVER too old to find a new partner if you want one. Theres far more to a relationship than looks. Just because a person is fat and balding does not mean they aren't worth your time. For that interim phase theres always the battery operated delights of Ann Summers. *Moo goes directly to the naughty corner without passing go.

Meanwhile normality resumes. Having conciously decided to make a go of things theres no point wondering what if. Prices of farms are plummeting through the floor. Round here £250K buys you 20 acres and a 3 bed farmhouse.

Alternatively £150K buys you a barn for conversion and a further £15K buys you a tiny paddock to go with it.

For the slightly more ambitious £16K per year rent gets you a 5 bed farmhouse with 36 acres of land.

Eager_Elephant

Well life goes on so....

today DH collected the car he brought off ebay. I was supposed to take him to the station at 5.50am!! but as he annoyed me last night I didn't!!

DH's Paypal account was not verified so he was only able to send £1000 to someone so he asked if I was verified, I am but denied it. Then he sends me texts to say how bad life is etc. I rung him in a panic thinking something had happened and he had a moan about Paypal not allowing him to verify his account. He moaned on about life being so difficult so I reminded him who's fault it was that life is difficult - he finally realised it was his own fault - possible light bulb moment but I doubt it.

Anyhoo after all that I checked Paypal and I am definitely verified so I texted him to tell him but told him that as I did not agree with the purchase he could not use my account.

Last night I logged into my emails and noticed emails from Paypal to say that funds had been transferred - the little $hite had logged into my Paypal, registered his credit card and paid the guy for the 4x4 so as a result I have changed my password and told him to get to the station himself!!

Cue 4.50am this morning the alarm going off so he could catch the train, he fell asleep again and I lay there hoping he would not wake up to catch the train but unfortunately he did!!! He drove himself to the station and thought I would be pleased that he had managed to catch a train with 1 switch by himself!!

So far I have refused to get in the car or even to look at it (this is quite hard as it takes up most of the drive!!)

DH now thinks he might have a buyer for his car and then a few hours later he said he will put it in Autotrader!!

Rant for today is...
DH has come home and purchased from ebay a mini disc player for his new 4x4!! This might not to be too bad if he hadn't 6 months ago sold his own mini disc player as he did not need it anymore!! Also this has gone on his credit card, I think this is nearly £7000 put on his credit card in less than 1 week so far!!

I will not tell him that I know and I will remain calm etc etc!!

On my debt saving front I have PAD £50 which is my cheque from Yougov which has cleared. As mentioned before it has taken me a few years to get there!!

I have found the cheque for £25 for the online discussion group I did so will pay that in this week also!!

Also in more good news I won £5 on scratchie which takes me over the withdrawal limit but I don't dare request it yet as I have not played much bingo lately!!

Well onwards and upwards for tomorrow!!

EE