Eager Elephant's Effective Everyday Excursion ...

Seasidegal58

Hi EE - It's a shame when people break up but on reading your posts for some time now I am not surprised that that you have finally initiated proceedings. I think you would have done it already if it wasn't for relative's passing.

Reading those texts would have been the final straw for me as well. It's so hurtful, especially after how you've been there for him over the years.

I agree that the DCs may already be more aware of the situation than you may have thought so it won't come as such a shock.

You've been a marvellous wife and mother - I doubt he'll find another like you. It's YOUR time now EE and you make sure you make the most of it!

SSG x

apple_muncher

Well done EE. Take care of yourself.

doingitanyway

Sorry everything is so difficult right now. Take care.

Knit_Witch

Sorry to hear all your news EE - best of luck in the future!

sashybo

Hi EE,

I hope your appointment with the solicitor was helpful for you. Good luck with everything & I hope that your DH doesn't fight you on this, it's not a decision you have taken lightly at all. I hope it can be done amicably for your sake.

Finally, well done on putting yourself first - your happiness is important. :T

Chrystal

sashybo wrote: »

Hi EE,

I hope your appointment with the solicitor was helpful for you. Good luck with everything & I hope that your DH doesn't fight you on this, it's not a decision you have taken lightly at all. I hope it can be done amicably for your sake.

Finally, well done on putting yourself first - your happiness is important. :T

Second everything that Sashybo said, and hoping that you are OK? XX

beanielou

Hope the legal meeting went well.

Savvy_sewing

Thinking of you x

Eager_Elephant

Thanks everyone for all your lovely comments on here.

The meeting with the solicitor went well, I know exactly the process to follow and can manage the forms myself although the financial settlement agreement has to be drawn up by a solicitor. We don't have any assets although she did mention checking his pension to make sure we are equal in value otherwise to make a claim but too be honest I don't want to.

Its my decision to end the marriage and I don't want to walk away with much apart from my tenancy.

I've decided that 'DH' needs a new name now he is not my 'DH' so I will call him WS for wayward spouse.

Friday night was a bit tense and WS text me to ask how the meeting went, he was at work at the time. so I told him it went ok and he told me he was worried about getting a letter. I told him he wasn't getting a letter yet.
When he got home and DD was in her room he asked me why he wasn't getting a letter and I explained that I hoped we could do this amicably and he would move out and then we could be separated and divorce can come later on but if he refused to go then I would apply for the divorce.
He tried to tell me that he wasn't getting a letter as the solicitor told me I had no grounds and he had got his own advice and as he had not hit me I couldn't divorce him.
I told him that clearly his advice was from the internet as I am able to divorce him and he would know that if he had seen a solicitor.
He also started on about how what I read was taken out of context etc but when asked what context should I have taken it in he didn't know. I told him that too be honest I didn't even care anymore and actually that sentence was all that I needed to get myself in gear to get a divorce and that this had been a plan I had all along.

Saturday night DD was out and WS started an argument with me and we discussed my plan for divorce which had been bubbling away for a long time and he told me I had taken him for a mug as I had talked about buying our own smallholding together etc. I explained that when things were good I often thought we could make it work but then things happen and I realise it cant.
He got really angry and nearly threw something at me.
He also told me how selfish I am and that as I have got older I have become more selfish (I know this is not true as I am the least selfish person ever and have also given and never taken back but now I am being assertive he doesn't like it)
He also told me that I have been too controlling with his money and that if its alright for me to go away and buy stuff to go with then so can he. i reminded him that it was his head problem which led to me taking over his finances and he was happy for me to do that and also it was him that had agreed his budget with me so he did have some input. (I have ordered 2 parcels in the last few weeks ready for the weekend away but he seems to have forgotten that he has had 4 parcels in the last few weeks plus at least 1 or 2 every week all year round)

He also mentioned he had been in contact with some estate agents who had called him back in the afternoon but he had been asleep and missed their calls.

I am ignoring his anger as I know the emotional journey of divorce is tough and I am way further along the line than he is and I have to remember this.

Yesterday I kept getting upset about it all, he helped me with the animals and said that he would miss us doing this together when he goes and I realised that actually it is the little things i will miss as well but I cant keep overlooking what he has done over all these years.
He also had the cheek to ask me to go and look at a house with him, just to see where it was - I declined and that also upset me.
It is the wrong time of month and I think I am hormonal although I think crying is good - I have to mourn the end of my marriage and all these wasted years and also the fact my hopes and dreams for the future have changed.

By last night we are on much friendlier terms and I feel ok with my decision still - I am rereading my diary to remind myself of what has gone on - one comment I made in 2011 made me laugh. It was about being taken for a mug and looking back with regret for not sorting this sooner. That is exactly how I feel 7 years later.

This morning he told me that an estate agent has been in contact and a 2 bed house has just come on the market which is not online yet and he is going to view it on Saturday so this is good news. I know he emailed most of the estate agents in Stowmarket so hopefully he can get some viewings lined up and find somewhere soon.

He is at work today and DD at school so I have time to sort the finances out and then I will hand over all his passwords etc for him to start sorting his own money out.

trix-a-belle

Have popped over from Mooloos thread EE, Well done you! Big hugs!
As has been said, ignore his attempts at emotional blackmail, anger and blame throwing, you are clearly a million miles from selfish having taken the path you have.
I'm not a milllion miles away from you in RL so cheering you on from the north of the county xx