My 18 year old daughter wants to leave home

misskool

I moved out when I was 17 and was given a set allowance a month. I could then decide what to do with it but there was no more money. If I ran out, tough.

I chose my own place to stay, did my own budget for bills, food entertainment, etc.

I learnt PDQ the value of money and budgeting skills.

Work out a reasonable budget and don't give in when she runs out. Good luck.

stev1664

I would say hold on, she's 18 and doing A levels, if she does well she can go to University this September (only 8 months away), this is the best way for a young person to experience freedom, and you'll be safe in the knowledge that she's amongst her peers, people with the same goals, that's much better than having her in a house with random strangers.

LydiaJ

Can I just add a word from a teacher's point of view?

Living independently is incredibly time consuming - shopping, cooking, cleaning, putting the bins out on the right day, dealing with the paperwork to pay the bills, etc all take more time than she probably thinks they will. Working to support yourself is very time consuming too. If she was in my A-level set, I'd definitely be advising against this, I'm afraid - it would put her at a huge disadvantage compared with all the rest of the A-level candidates across the country who get most of these things done for them.

property.advert

I think the most important point is her impending A Levels. The timing of a transition is all wrong and her future life will depend upon these forthcoming exams. This is no time to see her off on her own and having to learn to budget etc.

If you have the cash, renting a place for 6 months would be a solution but she may well be off to university later this year if she manages to secure good grades in her exams.

I suspect that if she moves to her own place, then the exams will go by the wayside as she struggles to cope with the adjustment. Disillusionment with education could follow and as I know from my personal experience at a similar age, it is very hard to get back on track at a later date once you are an "adult" and living by yourself, especially if either her friends have moved on or her friends, including perhaps new and unsuitable ones, have no Higher Education aspirations and effectively drag her down to their level.

Living with a relative may be a better option but I urge you, for the last 6 months if you care to look at it that way, to try to find some ground for reconciliation. It took me 5 years to get somewhat back on track and I did not get what I should out of education, largely because I left and went to live by myself.

finnigan

You mentioned doing up the two rooms at the top of the house, this sounds to me to be the best option. Let her have a fridge and something to cook on in one room along with a sofa etc and use the other as a bedroom. Is there any running water up there? Any chance of putting a sink in or shower room?
You would have to respect her privacy though and not 'visit' unless invited!

roger196

What about a caravan at the bottom of the garden?

HellsGranny

Let her try it, but don't give her money. Make her stand on her own feet and she'll soon find out where she is better off.

Continuing to provide for her is telling her that you are a soft touch and she can continue to drain you. Please don't fall into that trap.

Cheers, HG

tessa0032

Thank you Geenie. it's such a relief to hear that others are in the same position. Yes, Surrey-based: I need her to be able to do her work, but for us not to kill each other in the meantime. She needs to be able to propose to me how she's going to prioritise her school work and I would like to see that start before she goes. We've worked out all the bills etc so she has a realistic idea of what's what. she will be spending some of what she calls her 'savings' ie money she was given as a baby - but her grandma (who gave her some of it) definitely thinks it's the right idea. I was awake nearly all night trying to work out 'where I'd gone wrong' - but it's just life, isn't it. My sister stormed out of my parents' house when she was 18 and got a bedsit - but she's now best friends with my mum and they speak every day and see each other often. It's an emotional time, we need to get something sorted now I think.

tessa0032

ok thought I'd just check in. I couldn't sleep for days with all this stuff. Your replies were all really helpful. I had a session with a parenting consultant and let up on her in terms of hassling about homework, etc - told her that really I didn't want her to move out - anyway she found out after going to the agents that she couldn't get a flat on her own till she was 21 - all that put together with the expense of it all has meant that we are now living together in relative harmony again! Phew. (The parenting consultant was brilliant, I paid £40 for an hour's phone consultation which was really worth it, I can tell you her details if you'd like them, but the main thrust was to say to her 'are you comfortable that you're doing enough work to get the grades that you want to get' - as soon as I started asking her that , for some reason it stopped me being angry with her when I saw her having a good time!)

Ivrytwr3

18 year old daughter?

She can come and live with me.