Divorce, advice desperately needed!

loftus

Dippychick wrote: »

He cheated on you after you gave him 21 yrs of marriage and 3 children - and you want to be fair?

Fair is getting everything you can out of the b@stard for the sake of your children.

Dog eat dog world. If it was him, do you think he would be so considerate of your feelings?


You want his pension and you want as much as you can out of him. Take the good advice given or you will live to regret it, as has already been said.

Regardless of the reasons for the break up the children spend 3/7 of their time with their father and so taking him to the cleaners isn't going to be beneficial to them either.
However this is the time for the OP to fight for a fair share of the assets and to decide how they want their share - be it more of the equity to enable them to rehouse or a share of the pension for the future. Listen to your solicitor, it's what you're paying for (and even if on legal aid be aware you will still be paying), but beware becoming too adversarial. If this ends up going to court the only winners in the end will be the lawyers.

nicolajaynepeasley

My nisi was granted in August but but i have never filled in any such paper work.The only time i was requested to fill in paper work with regard to my income it was for help with legal costs.

nicolajaynepeasley

I don't want to end up bitter & twisted as i feel it's a waste of energy nor do i want to financially cripple him as this will impact on our children. I went through many emotions when i discovered the affair but i'm a happier person now. My focus throughout all of this has always been the children, providing them with a decent standard of living & ensuring that they have regular contact with thier father thus minimising the impact on them.

nicolajaynepeasley

I couldn't agree more! My solicitor came via the domestic violence surgery & if i'm honest he hasn't explained very much to me at all. I just appointed him as i was at the lowest point in my life & i couldn't face trawling the high street looking for a solicitor. Given that i've never been in this situ before i don't know what is acceptable. I just want this whole sorry mess to be over so that we can all move forward. I want a fair settlement based on our individual circumstances.

floss2

nicolajaynepeasley wrote: »

My nisi was granted in August but but i have never filled in any such paper work.The only time i was requested to fill in paper work with regard to my income it was for help with legal costs.

Both you and your ex should have declared your income, bank accounts, pension details etc to the other person's solicitors.....you urgently need to speak to your solicitor about this so you get what you are legally entitled to sorted & agreed before applying for your decree absolute.

zzzLazyDaisy

I agree. I am ASTONISHED that no steps have been taken to deal with the ancilliary relief proceedings (financial side of things) I would urge you to go and see your solicitor and tell them that you are concerned that Form E hasn't yet been completed by either you or your ex, and that you really need to move the financial side of things along as quickly as possible.

You will find more information about the process for financial provision here

http://www.sharingpensions.co.uk/stepbystep.htm#text3

jdturk

Am I the only one that thinks that at 60/40 and paying £200 is pretty alright? bearing in mind the guy is looking after the kids 3/7 nights and days? You could probably get a bit more but i think thats fairly reasonable.

jdturk

obviously I am...

daska

jdturk wrote: »

obviously I am...

doesn't it rather depend on what is being split 60:40? If there's very little equity and very young children and the mum is primary carer with no job but dad can potentially earn £150Kpa then no, it isn't reasonable. That's why each case is worked out separately.

daska

@OP - it sounds as if your solicitor is not doing his job as well as might be expected. I understand that you're tired of battling but if you've been at home for 21 years then you will probably struggle to get back into the work place. You need to be sure that you are financially stable for the sake of the kids, it won't do their relationship with their father any good in later years to see him living it up and you struggling.