Realte Counselling

suzzi2704

Hi guys,

I read in a magazine that Relate counselling can be helpful with breakups and stuff (long painful breakup going on, we want to make up but can't for circumstantial reasons) - So I looked them up and the best option for me is probably their email counselling but its £28.50 per email, which is a lot when i'm not even sure how good they are.

Can anyone comment on whether this is worth it? I need to do something to help myself.

Thanks

simpywimpy

I would wait until your local relate office is open and have a word with them. They do ask for a donation but if you can't afford the suggested rate, you can pay less.

I do think it can be helpful for couples to have a mediator of some kind when trying to sort out their issues. It can stop things getting out of hand and help you get moving on your sticking points. To say whether it is worth the money is something that only you and hubby can assess and will depend on how much work the pair of you are willing to put into the process.

If Relate are too busy to see you (there may well be a waiting list) then try other avenues for counselling such as through a local surestart service or similar. Your CAB might be able to point you to something local.

Good luck with it.

Morglin

I've known a few couples use Relate, and not one of them has found it useful, but others may feel differently.

To be honest, I think you'd be better trying to talk between the two of you.

An old trick, but it did work, was that you both (first of all) had 10 minutes each to say what you felt, with the other not interrupting.

Then from that, try and find a compromise and a way forward - whatever you both want to do.

Lin

salesaddict

HI Suzzi,

I went to relate 15 years ago, which was roundabout the last recession.
I paid a contribution of £10 per session, which was all I could afford.
For me it was the best thing I have ever done. I went on my own as my husband did not want to attend. It really helped me with my own issues and I think saved our marriage.

I really hope you find somewhere affordable and that you like the counsellor you are allocated. Best of luck to you both.

By the way, I am sure you know that just after Christmas and then again after the Summer Holidays are their two busiest periods.

simpywimpy

Dont give up OP. You will if nothing else have a focus from being on their waiting list and it's surprising how quickly you can get up to the top if you're lucky

I do agree with Morglin, allowing each other 10mins without interruption is a good idea if you feel you can still sit down together and talk and is certainly worth a go in the meantime. Another good tip is to then get the other person (listener) to tell you what they think you have just said. That way, you can make sure they are understanding exactly how you feel.

Also, make sure there is a rule of no blaming. ie no statements such as "you make me feel". Own what you say so more of "I feel"

I have to say that for all my counselling training my hubby is still as blinkered communication wise as ever lol BUT I have also learned to accept that he is the way he is.

clipboard2

Hi Suzzi,
Have you considered the emotional support service that the Samaritans offer by email? [EMAIL="jo@samaritans.org"]jo@samaritans.org[/EMAIL]

- Totally free of charge for as many emails as you need;
-Totally confidential; your email addy is never revealed, the system assigns you an internal number;
- Quick reply, usually within 1 hour, max 3 hours.
- Emotionally supportive, non judgemental,safe place to explore feelings
- Response from fully trained Samaritans

It is totally appropriate for you to use this service when you are experiencing a long painful break-up. CB2X
-

Contessa

Another organisation that offers relationship counselling is Marriage Care. Donations are invited, but no one would be turned away if they are unable to donate.

Kylie

Hmmm, my friends get charged £45 per hour session at Relate...????!!!!

LondonDiva

Kylie wrote: »

Hmmm, my friends get charged £45 per hour session at Relate...????!!!!

Is that an amount they can afford?

Relate charges people as much as they can afford, so that they don't go without counselling because they can't meet the cost of private counselling.

If a couple / client can afford to pay £45 per hour they should, so that others like the OP can pay what they can afford.

It's not about seeing how little you can get away with, but honestly looking at your financial situation and coming up with a figure you can afford.

If those who can afford to pay £45 only come up with £10, that means that the staff giving their time and the service is unfairly stretched and those in need would go without.

Kylie

They were not asked, they were told it would cost £45 per hour.

This is not an amount that sits comfortably with them, no.

They have mentioned more than once that it may be impossible for them to afford to carry on (esp. as it is once a week). No options, price reduction, etc has been offered.

suzzi2704

Thanks everyone. I will give it some more thought, as although I think I need counselling I am not sure if Relate is right for me as its more on an individual level than on a relationship level as my BF and I are no longer together and we are both going to seperate parts of America to work for most of next year. I do feel I need to sort out my strength before I go though.

Clipboard - This is a good idea which I recommend to anyone going through anything - You don't get answers as such, but it does provide comfort and perspective. I have used the Samaritans before - A few years ago I used their letter writing service and found it really comforting. The only problem is I am not sure where to begin with it all!!!