Advice needed please on seperating with husband, child and 1 on the way involved

Morglin

MonsterMunch08 wrote: »

We have been arguing for months now. Fell pregnant whilst on contraception and since finding this out our marraige has gone from bad to worse. There is now no way of salvaging the marriage, so we have come to a mutual agreement to seperate.

We will stay friendly for my sons sake who is 17 months old. And all debts etc will be halved. He will be moving out in the next 2 weeks, as is sorting out a flat.

I am a full time student at university as a midwife in my first year, and would be taking a year out in May to have baby number 2.

But now I am unsure whether to try hard to stick at uni or whether to pack it in and be a stay at home mum, whilst looking for a part time job.

I will now have bills to pay alone, and am worried if I packed in uni I would have to pay back my bursary and loan.

We have agreed on 50/50 custody and the same when baby is born, as this is the only way best for both children. But obv I am still worrying about coping alone.

Sorry for the moan, just wondered if anyone can offer some advice, or if anyone has been through simular?

Thanks for reading and listening x

After Christmas, contact the CAB, who will refer you to a welfare rights worker, who will discuss all options with you, and what you would be better off doing.

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/


Lin

Fly_Baby

MonsterMunch08 wrote: »

Thanks for your advice. After today I think I may still quit uni. Found out hes seeing someone else. We were agreeing on 50/50 custody, but not sure I want my son living with his new gf when theyre not even serious yet.. I want whats best for my kids Oh I just dont know..

Stuff your husband and his affair - why do you want to quit uni? You no longer want to be midwife? Or you are just afraid that you wouldn't be able to cope with studies and two small children?

sazziecee

Hi!

I think if at all possible you should carry on with your course after the year out to have your baby.

I split with my ex OH when my youngest son was 3 months old, I had completed my first year of a degree and was on a year out. I went back to my course when he was 11 months old. This wasn't midwifery so I probably had less "contact time" but I also worked 16 hours a week in a shop, because of this I was entitled to tax credits too.

Yes I was tired, yes I had hardly any time for myself but it was worth it and I was so proud of myself for completing my degree as I know some of my family thought I would drop out.

I was actually financially better off as a student than I have been since! I was getting my loan, dependents grant, tution fees paid, 80%?of my childcare paid through SLC my wages and my tax credits. I was even able to save up £6000 of my loans/grants and buy a car.

Just don't rush into any decisions while your emotions are so raw. If it was me I would take the year out to have baby2 and then decide during that year if you want to go back or not, rather than quitting completely now, it is a waste of the training you have already completed.

MonsterMunch08

Thank you for your replies. I am going to take a year out at uni from now.. if theyd allow me 2. That way I'm here for my son and baby when it comes. But can go back to uni and carry on my studies.

Do you think its unreasonable to deny him coming to the pregnancy scans? Just doesnt feel right after hes left me for another woman...

simpywimpy

I guess there is no medical reason why he should and it will cause less stress for you if he doesn't.

Don't give up on uni, you'll regret it in years to come I'm sure

Everything looks much worse at the beginning of a split but you'll eventually get yourself sorted out and in a new routine. Make sure he takes his fair share of childcare to give you a break to catch up with your studies. I know its difficult when he has someone new in his life but I think you will appreciate the break more than you realise.

MonsterMunch08

He is now saying he will be working full time and have a weekend job to pay his bills so he will have no time for the 50/50 custody he is demanding.
And I will give him a scan pic... but dont see how his gf would want to see that tbh.
I cant see anyway with uni right now, I am so so far behind. But I am def speaking to my tutor next week before I make the final decision x

Molly41

Good luck with your tutor. They will be sympathetic and understanding - they see this a lot. There is a time limit on completion of course but I think its longer than a year. You will go back much more positive and able to cope. I worked on my assignments whilst on my breaks and read my journals and midwifery texts so as not to lose touch. Midwifery is not like other uni courses and you have to on top form especially with practice. I think you are making the best decision x

Tigerlilley1980

Hi there. I gave up uni when I was pg with dd because I was so poorly,and as I was a student nurse I just couldn't cope with the 37 and half hour week. It's the worst thing I did, so my advice is to stick at it as hopefully in the long run you will have a better career. I also split from my dds dad when she was 8 months and once I got in a routine it was fine. That didn't last long though because I met a wonderful man who I married at the start of the month. You will be fine xx