Advice needed please on seperating with husband, child and 1 on the way involved

MonsterMunch08

We have been arguing for months now. Fell pregnant whilst on contraception and since finding this out our marraige has gone from bad to worse. There is now no way of salvaging the marriage, so we have come to a mutual agreement to seperate.

We will stay friendly for my sons sake who is 17 months old. And all debts etc will be halved. He will be moving out in the next 2 weeks, as is sorting out a flat.

I am a full time student at university as a midwife in my first year, and would be taking a year out in May to have baby number 2.

But now I am unsure whether to try hard to stick at uni or whether to pack it in and be a stay at home mum, whilst looking for a part time job.

I will now have bills to pay alone, and am worried if I packed in uni I would have to pay back my bursary and loan.

We have agreed on 50/50 custody and the same when baby is born, as this is the only way best for both children. But obv I am still worrying about coping alone.

Sorry for the moan, just wondered if anyone can offer some advice, or if anyone has been through simular?

Thanks for reading and listening x

nearlyrich

I split from my ex hubby when I was 7 months PG with number 2, he was having an affair, we did get back together for a while but finally split for good when DS was 3 and DD was 16 months old. I won't tell you it's the easiest thing I ever did but the now they are 24 and 22 I can say we made it, I was lucky enough to meet my now DH and I discovered that all men are not the same. Hope it works out for you.

Oldernotwiser

I wouldn't give up your course (anyway, no need to decide yet if you're taking a year out).You'll need a decent paying career to support two children and to keep off a life on benefits.

zzzLazyDaisy

Please see a solicitor, many family lawyers will give you a free half hour - you won't get much advice in half an hour but you will be able to tell if you have a rapport and want to work with this person.

As you are not earning, you should be entitled to legal aid. You really do need to know your entitlements based on your own particular circumstances and people on here can only give you very general guidelines.

Also, if you are the parent with child benefit, you are entitled to maintenance for your child (and baby no 2 when s/he makes an appearance). Maintenance is reduced to take account of the nights the child spends with the absent parent, but it is still worth running the figures through the CSA calculator (if things are amicable you may be able to come to a voluntary arrangement based on the CSA calculation)

Please don't make any decisions about your course until you have had chance to cover all the bases, as in the longer term, this career could stand you in good stead, financially.

Good Luck!

Savvy_Sue

I don't know about NHS bursaries, but would you have to pay this off before you were in a position to do so? ie is it different to a normal student loan, where repayment doesn't kick in until you are earning over £15,000?

Oldernotwiser

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I don't know about NHS bursaries, but would you have to pay this off before you were in a position to do so? ie is it different to a normal student loan, where repayment doesn't kick in until you are earning over £15,000?

NHS bursaries are basically grants; ie. they don't have to be repaid.

MonsterMunch08

Thank you for your replies. I have tried to find out and it does seem its just the loan I would repay once I am earning over £15k. I am tempted to take a year out now.. but that means I would be returning to university when baby is only 4 months old. Obv if I can stick it out a little longer I would.. but pregnancy, emotions, stress and worry mean that I am struggling even on basic assignments. And I have already failed my first exam due to stress.

I just cannot know if I will be able to cope in my 2nd and 3rd year with 2 small children. And I have no idea where to start in working out the finances.

I really wish I had a magic wand to wave

Oldernotwiser

MonsterMunch08 wrote: »

Thank you for your replies. I have tried to find out and it does seem its just the loan I would repay once I am earning over £15k. I am tempted to take a year out now.. but that means I would be returning to university when baby is only 4 months old. Obv if I can stick it out a little longer I would.. but pregnancy, emotions, stress and worry mean that I am struggling even on basic assignments. And I have already failed my first exam due to stress.

I just cannot know if I will be able to cope in my 2nd and 3rd year with 2 small children. And I have no idea where to start in working out the finances.

I really wish I had a magic wand to wave

Because of the extra funding that a student who's a lone parent gets and the fact that you can claim LHA and CTB if necessary, lone parents are often the better off students. There are several threads on this on the Students Board and several posters who are in your situation and managing quite well.

I'd do a search on here and make contact with others in your situation for information and support. Do you have a reasonable support network of friends and family who'll be able to cover some childcare when you're on placement?

peachyprice

One piece of advice, from someone who split from their ex with 18 month old twins, please try to keep it all as amicable as possible.

If you're to continue with your carrer it's in everyones best interest to remain friends with your ex. Your children will need to spend time with someone they love and trust while you're working.

It's easy to get caught up in the 'I'm entitled to £x amount of maintenance' scenario, but remember you're (hopefully) going to have a relationship with your ex for the rest of your childrens life, with equal parental responsibility, just don't let money destroy that.

Molly41

I trained to be a midwife whilst being a mum to four kids. I split with kids dad during the course - actually very common and many of the girls on my course had babes - also very common. You can very easily put your course on hold - well that was my experience - my three year course ended up taking five years and was very flexible. I never had to pay anything back. The nature of the training is very emotionally and physically draining and you do need to be in good place to cope with it all. Have you spoken to your tutor at uni re the situation. I would expect them to be very sympathetic. Please PM me if you need more help x

MonsterMunch08

Thanks for your advice. After today I think I may still quit uni. Found out hes seeing someone else. We were agreeing on 50/50 custody, but not sure I want my son living with his new gf when theyre not even serious yet.. I want whats best for my kids Oh I just dont know..