19 and in debt already.

timmmers

Usually I feel sympathy for folk in trouble, especially those who are ill in some way.
No illness makes you jet off on several holidays funded by other people IMO though, that;'s something requiring planning.
If I were you I'd can the jet setting until you can pay your own way, and stop hiding so much behind bi-polar...that's not your real problem here. Lack of will to take responsibility is. !!!!!! you even say that you should be out having fun...as if you are somehow owed a good time because you're a kid?
I hate to be harsh, but you need to grow the hell up. As you rightly say, you aren't in the spot some people are here..owing thousands and worried sick...YET...you'll get there if you continue not to have a LBM about what truly caused this situation.

t

denvore

timmmers wrote: »

Usually I feel sympathy for folk in trouble, especially those who are ill in some way.
No illness makes you jet off on several holidays funded by other people IMO though, that;'s something requiring planning.
If I were you I'd can the jet setting until you can pay your own way, and stop hiding so much behind bi-polar...that's not your real problem here. Lack of will to take responsibility is. !!!!!! you even say that you should be out having fun...as if you are somehow owed a good time because you're a kid?
I hate to be harsh, but you need to grow the hell up. As you rightly say, you aren't in the spot some people are here..owing thousands and worried sick...YET...you'll get there if you continue not to have a LBM about what truly caused this situation.

t

If only life was so simple.

As someone who has suffered from bi-polar in the past (and probably still suffering), I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through, Tayler.
I think what Timmers is saying is that you can't blame your over-spending on an illness which he claims is nothing more than a "lack of will power". You, I and most others know that BPD is a genuine illness and that overspending is merely a symptom - Telling someone who is bi-polar not to overspend or be extravagant during a manic period is like telling someone with the flu not to sneeze. It can't realistically be done, but it can be managed - with help.

I wish I could offer you this help, however I seem to have just "stumbled" across a way of managing my life over the last 20 years which suits me. However my main tip would be to prepare, nurture and productively use your depressive cycles to prepare you for your manic phases. What limited experience I've had of doctors is that they treat the depression and consider the mania as "cured" - this is not true (in my case at least) and when you're "down" you should use this period to rest (after all that is what the body and mind is crying out for).
I tend to lock myself away (where I can) during periods of depression and have a "grey day" once a week for prolonged periods where I have no contact with anyone else at all. This helps me rest, reflect on my previous manic spell as well as allow me time to prepare for my next phase of mania (additionally you can save money :j ).
Though it is extremely difficult to think of your "up" periods when you are down, it is essential you try. No matter how happy you feel or appear during your manic periods, be warned this is your most destructive time (if you ask me they got the name wrong - it should be depression/destructive disorder). If you prepare during your depression phase you can have at least a "fuzzy" plan in place for your manic periods. I don't know about you, but I usually get a day or so's warning before I go totally manic or completely depressed. If you're the same, use this time to prepare close friends and relatives. Organise cheap trips/activities during this time - I always try and visit the zoo, it may be pricey to get in, but this satisfies (to a certain extent) my mania, and if a packed lunch is taken can be a cheap day once inside (the animals always cheer me up and calm me down too).

Sorry for rambling on a bit, I started off only wanting to wish you the best of luck. Hope you manage to accept it, once you do you'll find living with it is quite rewarding (I know that sounds strange).

tayler_remi wrote: »

Hi all.

The third is to do with my ex boyfriend. He was a long term boyfriend so when we went to Turkey in the summer he lent me some money to pay for food etc whilst we were away. We split up recently and he wants his money back. I owe him £115 and need to give it back asap. I would love to be able to give it back to him when I go to give him back his stuff a few weeks in to January because then I don't owe him anything.

I'd worry about this as much as I'd worry about Bill Gates managing to afford to put bread on the table.
What an absolute !!!!!! your ex must be if he expects this to be repaid. You went on holiday as a couple, you had a good time (hopefully) and now the relationship has broken down. So he paid a little more towards the restaurant bills, well BooHoo - so what?
Does he demand a refund for the cinema tickets of failed dates? Or did he keep the McD's receipts from his childhood sweetheart? Although these may seem trivial its the same principle.
Both you and him have got bigger things to worry about than the incidental expenses incurred on a holiday.
I understand it might be a matter of pride, but believe me, you owe him nothing but a slap in the face (wait till you're manic) - - only joking

Take care and good luck for new year.

chevalier

Hi there. Sorry i am a bit ignorant, but I thought the medication you are on should even out the highs and lows if it is working right? So if you have a manic phase then does that not mean you need a medicine review?

I would also say that you could write to your new phone provider and tell them to please cancel the contract because you suffer from a mental illness (bi polar) and are a vulnerable person who should not have been given the contract.

You can also put a note on your credit file, to ask them to go through additional checks because you have bi polar disease. I don't know exactly how it works, but perhaps you bank can help with this?
chev

tayler_remi

denvore wrote: »

If only life was so simple.

As someone who has suffered from bi-polar in the past (and probably still suffering), I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through, Tayler.
I think what Timmers is saying is that you can't blame your over-spending on an illness which he claims is nothing more than a "lack of will power". You, I and most others know that BPD is a genuine illness and that overspending is merely a symptom - Telling someone who is bi-polar not to overspend or be extravagant during a manic period is like telling someone with the flu not to sneeze. It can't realistically be done, but it can be managed - with help.

I wish I could offer you this help, however I seem to have just "stumbled" across a way of managing my life over the last 20 years which suits me. However my main tip would be to prepare, nurture and productively use your depressive cycles to prepare you for your manic phases. What limited experience I've had of doctors is that they treat the depression and consider the mania as "cured" - this is not true (in my case at least) and when you're "down" you should use this period to rest (after all that is what the body and mind is crying out for).
I tend to lock myself away (where I can) during periods of depression and have a "grey day" once a week for prolonged periods where I have no contact with anyone else at all. This helps me rest, reflect on my previous manic spell as well as allow me time to prepare for my next phase of mania (additionally you can save money :j ).
Though it is extremely difficult to think of your "up" periods when you are down, it is essential you try. No matter how happy you feel or appear during your manic periods, be warned this is your most destructive time (if you ask me they got the name wrong - it should be depression/destructive disorder). If you prepare during your depression phase you can have at least a "fuzzy" plan in place for your manic periods. I don't know about you, but I usually get a day or so's warning before I go totally manic or completely depressed. If you're the same, use this time to prepare close friends and relatives. Organise cheap trips/activities during this time - I always try and visit the zoo, it may be pricey to get in, but this satisfies (to a certain extent) my mania, and if a packed lunch is taken can be a cheap day once inside (the animals always cheer me up and calm me down too).

Sorry for rambling on a bit, I started off only wanting to wish you the best of luck. Hope you manage to accept it, once you do you'll find living with it is quite rewarding (I know that sounds strange).





I'd worry about this as much as I'd worry about Bill Gates managing to afford to put bread on the table.
What an absolute !!!!!! your ex must be if he expects this to be repaid. You went on holiday as a couple, you had a good time (hopefully) and now the relationship has broken down. So he paid a little more towards the restaurant bills, well BooHoo - so what?
Does he demand a refund for the cinema tickets of failed dates? Or did he keep the McD's receipts from his childhood sweetheart? Although these may seem trivial its the same principle.
Both you and him have got bigger things to worry about than the incidental expenses incurred on a holiday.
I understand it might be a matter of pride, but believe me, you owe him nothing but a slap in the face (wait till you're manic) - - only joking

Take care and good luck for new year.

Thanks so much for your lovely advice. You're right, my ex is a complete !!!!!! but also very frugal about money so he will expect it back. I'll give it back - because then I owe him nothing, money wise OR emotionally. It'll be good closure.

As for Timmer's post.. well. We can't expect everyone to understand bi-polar. I'm not saying all my spending is down to bi-polar, as I accept a lot of responsibility for it, but I wish some people could understand that when you're depressed or even manic, you try and fill a void. And the fact that I have that void there is not my fault.

tayler_remi

chevalier wrote: »

Hi there. Sorry i am a bit ignorant, but I thought the medication you are on should even out the highs and lows if it is working right? So if you have a manic phase then does that not mean you need a medicine review?

I would also say that you could write to your new phone provider and tell them to please cancel the contract because you suffer from a mental illness (bi polar) and are a vulnerable person who should not have been given the contract.

You can also put a note on your credit file, to ask them to go through additional checks because you have bi polar disease. I don't know exactly how it works, but perhaps you bank can help with this?
chev

Hi there. No you're not ignorant at all, you're quite right. I do need a medicine review; I'm currently on an anti depressent and mood stablisers however I'm still experiencing highs and lows so I think maybe something needs to be upped or even brought down.

I will try contacting Vodaphone. Thanks for your advice.

Ames

Chev, it's not quite that simple, medication doesn't always work. I've been on medication for a couple of years now that's helped loads, but I still went hypomanic through the summer. Luckily, for the first time, I recognised the symptoms early on and spoke to my doctor and upped my meds, I got through it ok without too much damage.

Tayler, are you getting the right amount of support? I was diagnosed 7 years ago and it's only now that I'm seeing the right people. I've got a fantastic psychiatrist, who's pushing for me to have councelling/psychology, and she's referred me to a local group which provides an outreach worker and works on various problems, spending would definitely be one of them.

moo_cow

I have to jump on this one too. 'Jetting off' somewhere when suffering from bi polar disorder is often a form of escape. As a sufferer of chronic depression for somewhere in the region of 20 years now, I know only too well that spending is an instant 'high'. There is no reasoning with it when you're having an 'episode' as it's a mental illness.
I do have to add though that for people perhaps having a negative response to this thread that I like the fact that there are different responses to this thread as I think it can give greater understanding to this type of illness. So i'm not out to criticise anyone at all so please don't take offence.
Also have to add that medication has to be reviewed regularly. I have had mine changed many times over the years.

bikerboi87

i know exactly where you're coming from. when i got out of the mental health unit at the begining of the year, the first thing i did was go and spend a few hundred pounds - new phone (needed since i'd destroyed my old one and because i didn't want some people to contact me), new clothes and many other things. took me a few months to pay it back

ixwood

Is there anything else you can fix your mania on when it happens other than shopping?

Do you have a garden? There's always something to do in a garden and you could get manic trimming the hedge, or digging a bed over, or pulling weeds. I love spending time in my garden. "Gardening is medicine for the soul".

Sorry if I've misunderstood the condition. Not entirely sure how the manic spells work. Does it have to be spending money?

Or something cheap at least. Or maybe limit yourself to things under a quid on ebay (you'd be surprised!) that you can collect locally (no postage costs).

cat4772

hi

I can totally understand Timmers' response in relation to you thinking you are OWED a social life. I understand that you WANT a social life but you have to decide which is more important to you; having a fun-filled social life or paying off your debts quickly.

As other posters have suggested that the £280 DLA shouldn't be counted as income perhaps you can choose to use this to pay off debts, fund a social life or use some for savings to use for the next period of mania.

preparing an SOA / budget would be useful so you can see where your money is going and work out how much you have left to pay off your debt. Also check out what's the cost to see how quickly you can repay your debt.

Good luck with this.