How long after relationship breakup

llh189

About two months ago my BF and I broke up after a 3 year relationship, basically we had come to a crossroad, I wanted a family and settledown. I'm 31 he is 40, and this is something that we talked about and agreed upon almost from day one but my ex BF had been through the emotional ringer with his ex and his son that he dotes on and it has made him very scared about doing it all again. Hence we have broken up, all very amicable and still good friends but I don't want to be on my own.

After my last longterm relationship I spent three years being single, before I met my ex and I don't want to be single for that long again, I don't want a relationship just for the sake of it or just to have a family but I do want someone special in my life and to have a family at some point with that person.

So to cut a long story short, I am thinking about joining something like matchdotcom for friendship at first but in my profile do you think that I should be honest about want I want from my life, I don't want to scare of potential people but I am a bit scared that I might eventually meet someone new and our longterm aspirations might not be the same and I will be hurt again and probably several years older ( biological clock etc ).

If I am too honest I will scare of potential people, I know that this is a bit cart before the horse but I really want to have a happy loving longterm relationship with someone special - what do you all think.

Can't meet anyone at work and live in quite a rural location, all my friends are in relationships with young families, so I have been very interested in the "meeting new friends" thread also and thought that something online would be a bit fun and very safe - has anyone had any good experiences of online dating sites ( ones with good reputations ).

Thanks for your help

Lisa

Emms

Cant help with online dating sites but I met my OH on a newsgroup. Weve been together for 5 years now and were getting married next year so I would definately recommend meeting people through the internet.

Emma

Philippa36

Hi Lisa,

I wouldn't start off by telling people how you are after a serious relationship, you can talk this through after a while.

I would recommend internet dating though, I met my o/h through the net and my bil is a member of one of the dating sites and has met a few people through there

You are still probably grieving for the lost relationship if its only been 2 months. I would just take things easy and relaxed, don't rush anything. Have a bit of fun!

Philippa x

llh189

What sites were they out of interest, PM me if you can remember, thanks for both of your replies.

Lisa:)

homersimpson_3

If I am too honest I will scare of potential people, I know that this is a bit cart before the horse but I really want to have a happy loving longterm relationship with someone specia

you've answered your own question- take any relationship one step at a time and find out what the other person wants by asking the appropriate questions. as you get to know someone, relationship deepens and the bonds become stronger you can reveal more of yourself and aspirations for future. why just not say you're looking for friendship which hopefully will develop into long-term relationship. what if potential partner already has children- would this exclude them from relationship with you? internet is just way one of meeting people- adverts in papers/magazines, clubs, friends friends etc (the usual)

Miroslav

I would be honest from the start. That way, you'll only get replies from people who want what you want, rather than people who think you want something different.

Quincy_3

Go out enjoy yourself let your hair down maybe a bit of romance and fun, your 31 not 51 go on live a little.

Lady_E

Quincy wrote:

Go out enjoy yourself let your hair down maybe a bit of romance and fun, your 31 not 51 go on live a little.

Very good advice !!!

dont put pressure on yourself. if you are looking then it will not happen , however if you just make some new friends through a hobby/internet etc then it will take the pressure off.

L_D_N

It will probably take longer than a couple of months to be able to move on. You may find that the staying friends things holds you back and a complete break is what is needed. It is hard to meet guys when you are in your thirties, particularly those with no baggage. Forget about trying to meet someone and just get out there and make new friends. New activities and hobbies are a good way to get to a different circle of people. Good luck.

black-saturn

I met my OH on the net on a board like this one. I dont go out in the evenings either as I am in on my own with 2 children all evening. We had 2 mutual interests which got us chatting and then it went from there.

summerday

Hi,

I met my OH on a 'dating' site, except you could specify what you were looking for, and as I has only just split from my ex and I didn't want to jump into anything quickly I said I was looking for friendships with males. That's when I met my OH, who said he was looking for a relationship and that's what it ended up as being. I'll pm you the one I used, but it was 3 and a half years ago so I'm bnot sure if its the same format etc. Good luck, if you know what you want I think it's worth being pro-active, especially if you know you'd like a family. My OH was the 1st guy I met up with and it just happened to be right, hope you're as lucky too
Sarah x