Oh dear love or lust!

dieselhead

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tandraig

whoa - reign in the libido! for the sake of your working relationship if nothing else! you have known him a few weeks you say?
bad relationships in past - hasnt that taught you to take things slow?
you may have been swept along in the past - this time slow things down - if he is genuine he wont mind this. and it can be quite fun hun! dont rush into things - if he wants a date then suggest a film or meal out - which doesnt entitle him to bedroom rights. take it slow - you like him as a person in work - now you need to find out if you like him outside work!

hieveryone

I posted about this not that long ago, and I think I've found for me that if 'it's' not there, it's not going to magically appear.

Maybe it depends on what type of person you are, but I definitely have to 'fancy' someone to even consider falling in love with them...

simpywimpy

I agree, when I met my now OH I also had another male friend that I got on really really well with but that spark wasn't there so although we were ideal for each other in every other way, without that spark it just wasn't going to work.

Now with OH, spark was definately there and we worked at getting to the point I was with on a friendship level with the other chappy. We've been married 5yrs now and together 9

tandraig

every one is different - love can grow you know!
I get the feeling that in the past the OP has gone with the wow - love him thing. now she likes this guy - not sure if she finds him sexually attractive. my advice is - see how things go. its early days yet and if she likes him and finds him fun - explore that! at the very least she may find a new friend!

creased-leach

Are you finding yourself wanting him to kiss you?

Fancying someone is an odd thing, but that's usually a pretty good sign.

soupface

I'll give you the advice I'd give myself from nearly two years ago: stick with it! I met my fiance at his work, we clicked immediately, flirted, he was obviously smitten but I wasn't feeling what I was used to feeling - that is, that "ohmygod you're amazing, I love your eyelashes, please take me right now" stuff. I was really excited to see him, I was really happy when I was with him, we were totally on the same wavelength and all that hippie crap... but the sex part was a bit slow-burning. But the plus point was that I didn't feel at all anxious or hyper-conscious around him - I was always comfortable, which made talking about it a LOT easier. If you feel like that, and your 'thing' progresses, it'll be easier for you to direct him and he'll basically learn how to er, float your boat, right from the horse's mouth! That's what happened with us, pretty quickly, and we're now engaged and very happy. Go with your gut, not your ... other parts. Haha.

Silverbird

I met my husband through a dating site and hadn't seen him before we met (he said he hadn't got a scanner to scan a photograph). I was very nervous because despite what people say there does have to be some slight attraction to somebody physically - or at least you can't be repulsed by them!

Anyway, I met him and we had an absolutely lovely time and I couldn't wait to see him again ... but I didn't fancy him at all physically. I wasn't attracted to him.

I was very upset about this and felt that this surely had to happen in order for the relationship to be anything more than friends, but my mom reassured me that it would all work out if it was meant to be and that I should always, always go for personality over looks (which I had always done anyway - I was just worried that I didn't fancy him one bit!)

We talked lots on the phone after that and when he turned up outside my door on our second date ... my knees went weak and my tummy was full of butterflies and I fancied him!

I've always been really pleased that I fell for his personality first. Also, the fact that I wasn't in awe over his looks when I first met him meant that I was very comfortable and relaxed with him and not intimidated or embarrassed. I'm sure this helped us off to a great start, as I'm usually quite shy and quiet.

So, my advice ... see where it takes you and enjoy it and don't worry about the 'wow' factor physically because it certainly sounds as though he's got it in the personality stakes and the rest should just fall into place if you're good together. Best of luck x

Mrs_P_Pincher

Well said Soupface. I'd had thirty odd years of unsuitable men who made my knees go weak and then I met Mr P. We kept bumping into each other at social events and talking. I wasn't the slightest bit interested in him because he was not 6'2" and blond (he is 5'6" and grey) but he asked me to go to the cinema with him and we went from there. Eight years on we're married and very happy. I am absolutely comfortable with him at all times.

Getting on well with someone who understands you is the greatest gift life can give you. If you have that - the rest will follow.

See how you go, but if you're spending the weekends looking forward to being with him on Monday then there is a connection - let it run...and good luck.

Mrs P P

Kazipoo

My husband and I were penpals (he was a soldier). We wrote to each other for over 6 months before we met. I loved reading his letters. We exchanged pictures, and although he wasn't bad looking, it wasn't an out and out phwoarrrr!

We finally met and it was basically very awkward between us. Our defining moment though was when he kissed me.... it was like electricity shot through my body, and that was when I knew that he was "the one".

Now 17 years later he can still kiss me and make the electricity happen, and I look at him and think "phwoarrrrr", but, we were right for each other because of our friendship, it really helped that we knew each other fairly well because of the letters. He can still reduce me to girly giggles and make me blush. His sense of humour is amazing and is one of the things I really love about him.... oh dear, it all sounds a bit mills and boons doesn't it?? lol.

I definitely wouldn't rush into things, take your time to get to know him, enjoy your friendship, because ultimately that will be the thing that will make the relationship (if any) work. Its all very well and good fancying someone, but if you don't get along with them, its just not going to happen.

Jo_R_2

I had to chuckle at this because me and OH have had discussions about this very subject!

OH is like you, he thinks you have to think "woah hey I'm liking that!" when you first meet someone or else "it" is not there. I've never been like that; when I first knew OH I thought he was a "nice" guy but wasn't attracted to him like that.

Somehow one evening we ended up the two singletons out of a group of couples and he very nicely walked me to my taxi. We ended up swapping numbers and arranging to go out on a date. I just thought, well, I'll go and see how we get on, and take it from there. I had no lustful thoughts (although he did when he lunged for a kiss before I got in the taxi where I had to turn so he got my cheek:rolleyes::D)

We got on well and went on more dates, and the more I got to know him, the more I "liked" him and found him attractive. Fast forward a couple of years and I look at him and have all sorts of thoughts;) It seems crazy that at one point I just thought he was "nice"!

I would say take it steady though, don't rush or give too much of yourself away, there's no immediate need to decide on husbandly suitability, just have a good time and take it step at a time