Driving phobia

Felicity

I know phobias are very common and unfortunately blight out lives in more ways than one.

I have a phobia of driving on motorways and large roads. It has been over 2 years since I drove on a motorway and I am 30 years old. It has effected my career and my personal life, I hate the fact that I am not independent anymore (despite having a very supportive husband).

I suspect this thread might drop to the bottom of the page quite quickly as it is probably not something many people relate to but I would love to hear from anybody with similar issues.

I am a determined person and I am going to crack this, I have set myself little goals about driving in different areas, overtaking cars etc. That might sound daft but I have major panik attacks when I do this (legs go to jelly, pupils dilate massively so I see a lot more which is scary in itself, heart beat increases massively etc.)

I have been to a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist for 20 sessions at a huge cost but that did not help. I have also taken Prozac (prescribed by my doctor to help me 'get over this' .... Useless, after a week I decided this was not the course of action I wanted). I have to do this myself and I WILL DO IT!

Sounds so silly for anybody who has never suffered from a phobia I know. I used to think that people who suffered from depression, had phobias etc should just 'get over it'. Hmmmmm my opinion has changed so much now.

wigginsmum

I fully identify with you. I'm 39 and don't drive. I took lessons at 17 (creepy pervy instructor), never took a test, tried at 21 with my Dad who shouted at me, tried again with DH about 7 years ago. I managed literally 10 yards on a quiet road before I stopped the car and got out. I panic going round large roundabouts even though DH is driving. It's one of the reasons why I live in London - I don't NEED to drive.

I will learn when we can afford it. I sometimes even have dreams that I'm driving successfully. And when I do it, it'll be in an automatic, not a manual - gear changes always terrified me, even though my instructor thought I was a good driver. Doesn't help that DH insists on a monstrous 4x4; I could probably cope in something like a Fiesta but we couldn't afford (and don't need) a second car.

All the best with this, Felicity. Could you work your way up - maybe try a medium-sized road at a non-busy time? And reward yourself if you make it to the first junction etc.

EasilyAggravated

i know how you feel but mines a little different. not so long ago me and a friend were in a taxi and decided to go to a 24 hour restaurant in sheffield. we were travelling down the motorway at about 1am and we hit a horse. then a couple of hgv's hit 2 more, turns out our travelling community had tried stealing them, couldnt get them in a horse box so left them.

as a result of someones mindless stupidity and greed, i no longer wanted to travel on a motorway. if i saw a horse i thought it was gonna jump infront of the car. i just thought stuff it, if it happens then someone up above doesnt like me.

just a thought, but it might work, driving instructors are trained to help learners overcome this, why not ring one up and ask them if they'd do the same for you. i know it means spending money but think of the returns in the future.
alternatively, get a map and plan a route that involves dual carriageways whereby you would need to use the inside lane. think to yourself 'this is my car, inside my car is my world, i control what goes on in here'
get yourself some nice calming music to play while you are driving. try somethign like country music. like i said above plan a route that involves the inside lane of dual carriage ways. as soon as you get into your car play your country music, drive round where you feel comfortable for a bit, sing along and then go on the carriageways, overtake a few people, if you get scared just tuck back into the other lane. when you've done this go on the motorway, go from one junction to the next, turn round and come back then next time miss a junction but dont miss too many because the m1 stops when you get to london.

Felicity

wigginsmum wrote:

I fully identify with you. I'm 39 and don't drive. I took lessons at 17 (creepy pervy instructor), never took a test, tried at 21 with my Dad who shouted at me, tried again with DH about 7 years ago. I managed literally 10 yards on a quiet road before I stopped the car and got out. I panic going round large roundabouts even though DH is driving. It's one of the reasons why I live in London - I don't NEED to drive.

I will learn when we can afford it. I sometimes even have dreams that I'm driving successfully. And when I do it, it'll be in an automatic, not a manual - gear changes always terrified me, even though my instructor thought I was a good driver. Doesn't help that DH insists on a monstrous 4x4; I could probably cope in something like a Fiesta but we couldn't afford (and don't need) a second car.

All the best with this, Felicity. Could you work your way up - maybe try a medium-sized road at a non-busy time? And reward yourself if you make it to the first junction etc.

Thank you!!!!!

I didn't really expect any replies to this, just wanted to get it off my chest.

I drove on a dual carriageway on Saturday and even overtook a car towing a carvan (sounds stupid to anybody who doesn't understand), that was a huge step for me! I am going to build on that and keep going, I have set myself little targets and I AM GOING TO BEAT THIS!

With my job, I used to travel many miles and never had a problem, then wham, one day I just started to get these attacks!

wigginsmum

Can you think of anything that triggered it? An inconsiderate driver, a 'near miss'? Well done on the Saturday experiment

Felicity

EasilyAggravated wrote:

i know how you feel but mines a little different. not so long ago me and a friend were in a taxi and decided to go to a 24 hour restaurant in sheffield. we were travelling down the motorway at about 1am and we hit a horse. then a couple of hgv's hit 2 more, turns out our travelling community had tried stealing them, couldnt get them in a horse box so left them.

as a result of someones mindless stupidity and greed, i no longer wanted to travel on a motorway. if i saw a horse i thought it was gonna jump infront of the car. i just thought stuff it, if it happens then someone up above doesnt like me.

just a thought, but it might work, driving instructors are trained to help learners overcome this, why not ring one up and ask them if they'd do the same for you. i know it means spending money but think of the returns in the future.
alternatively, get a map and plan a route that involves dual carriageways whereby you would need to use the inside lane. think to yourself 'this is my car, inside my car is my world, i control what goes on in here'
get yourself some nice calming music to play while you are driving. try somethign like country music. like i said above plan a route that involves the inside lane of dual carriage ways. as soon as you get into your car play your country music, drive round where you feel comfortable for a bit, sing along and then go on the carriageways, overtake a few people, if you get scared just tuck back into the other lane. when you've done this go on the motorway, go from one junction to the next, turn round and come back then next time miss a junction but dont miss too many because the m1 stops when you get to london.

Your advice does make a lot of sense (maybe not for anybody who has not suffered from phobia's, but you seem to have a good sense of what to do). That is exactly what I have to ... am going to do!

Thank you!

Felicity

wigginsmum wrote:

Can you think of anything that triggered it? An inconsiderate driver, a 'near miss'? Well done on the Saturday experiment

Thanks!

Yep, I know exactly what triggered it. I was taking the drug Zyban (helps you to stop smoking). I stopped smoking but I gained these attacks at the same time. Maybe a massive coincidence but I doubt it.

I would advise anybody that is going to try Zyban to have second, third ... and many other thoughts about it!

Thriftylady

EasilyAggravated wrote:

alternatively, get a map and plan a route that involves dual carriageways whereby you would need to use the inside lane. think to yourself 'this is my car, inside my car is my world, i control what goes on in here'
get yourself some nice calming music to play while you are driving. try somethign like country music. like i said above plan a route that involves the inside lane of dual carriage ways. as soon as you get into your car play your country music, drive round where you feel comfortable for a bit, sing along and then go on the carriageways, overtake a few people, if you get scared just tuck back into the other lane. when you've done this go on the motorway, go from one junction to the next, turn round and come back then next time miss a junction but dont miss too many because the m1 stops when you get to london.

I'm really sorry, but I would have to strongly disagree with this advice. The problem with driving is that you can't plan for every eventuality, you can't be sure that you will be able to stick to the inside lane of the motorway, and taking the mindset that 'my car is my world, I control it' is surely the reason why we see so much aggressive, thoughtless and out and out dangerous driving on our roads.

When anyone gets behind the wheel of a car they not only have to think of their own safety but the safety of every other road user, as their behaviour will have a knock on effect. Therefore, if you choose to go on a dual carriage way, knowing full well that you are terrified, and then you freeze up and brake or swerve unexpectedly, you are causing those behind you to have to react. What if the person who behaves unexpectedly isn't you, but the person in front of you? Then you would have to be confident enough to react accordingly. Thats why I disagree with the advice above, you can't be certain when you plan a journey that you will be able to stick to the lanes, or even the roads, that you have chosen.

But I do agree with EasilyAggravated that the best thing to do would be to go to a good driving instructor, someone you feel confident with, and who can help you overcome this. Alternatively, what about contacting the Institute of Advanced Motorists in your area? They concentrate a lot on motorway driving, as its something that isn't covered in the 'learning' stage, since L drivers can't drive on motorways, and therefore can't learn how to use them, which is probably why so many people are terrified of them.

Good luck

Felicity

Thriftylady wrote:

I'm really sorry, but I would have to strongly disagree with this advice. The problem with driving is that you can't plan for every eventuality, you can't be sure that you will be able to stick to the inside lane of the motorway, and taking the mindset that 'my car is my world, I control it' is surely the reason why we see so much aggressive, thoughtless and out and out dangerous driving on our roads.

When anyone gets behind the wheel of a car they not only have to think of their own safety but the safety of every other road user, as their behaviour will have a knock on effect. Therefore, if you choose to go on a dual carriage way, knowing full well that you are terrified, and then you freeze up and brake or swerve unexpectedly, you are causing those behind you to have to react. What if the person who behaves unexpectedly isn't you, but the person in front of you? Then you would have to be confident enough to react accordingly. Thats why I disagree with the advice above, you can't be certain when you plan a journey that you will be able to stick to the lanes, or even the roads, that you have chosen.

But I do agree with EasilyAggravated that the best thing to do would be to go to a good driving instructor, someone you feel confident with, and who can help you overcome this. Alternatively, what about contacting the Institute of Advanced Motorists in your area? They concentrate a lot on motorway driving, as its something that isn't covered in the 'learning' stage, since L drivers can't drive on motorways, and therefore can't learn how to use them, which is probably why so many people are terrified of them.

Good luck

You obviously don't know about phobias / panic attacks.

In the situation that a person is in panic they have a fight/flight instinct.

Their pupils dilate massively which makes them see so much more around them (this is a really weird sensation but it actually makes them far more proactive then other driver).

Their legs go wobbly and they feel like they are going to faint (this actually makes them more proactive on the brakes or gas peddles in the event that they need to get to get out of an accident).

Their heart beat increases rapidly and blood rushes around their body, into their limbs so the limbs are far more proactive.

This is only the basics ….

A person having a panic attack is a far safer driver than one not having one, they are massively more aware of what is happening around them.

EasilyAggravated

Thriftylady wrote:

I'm really sorry, but I would have to strongly disagree with this advice. The problem with driving is that you can't plan for every eventuality, you can't be sure that you will be able to stick to the inside lane of the motorway, and taking the mindset that 'my car is my world, I control it' is surely the reason why we see so much aggressive, thoughtless and out and out dangerous driving on our roads.

When anyone gets behind the wheel of a car they not only have to think of their own safety but the safety of every other road user, as their behaviour will have a knock on effect. Therefore, if you choose to go on a dual carriage way, knowing full well that you are terrified, and then you freeze up and brake or swerve unexpectedly, you are causing those behind you to have to react. What if the person who behaves unexpectedly isn't you, but the person in front of you? Then you would have to be confident enough to react accordingly. Thats why I disagree with the advice above, you can't be certain when you plan a journey that you will be able to stick to the lanes, or even the roads, that you have chosen.

But I do agree with EasilyAggravated that the best thing to do would be to go to a good driving instructor, someone you feel confident with, and who can help you overcome this. Alternatively, what about contacting the Institute of Advanced Motorists in your area? They concentrate a lot on motorway driving, as its something that isn't covered in the 'learning' stage, since L drivers can't drive on motorways, and therefore can't learn how to use them, which is probably why so many people are terrified of them.

Good luck

and the idea that you say to yourself 'this is my car, my world, i control what happens here' is an idea where by you can control everything that happens in your car but you cannot control what happens outside it, ie if someone decides to overtake you, theres nothing you can do apart from ensure you are safe. and bear in mind if you think 'this is my car' you are less likely to do something dangerous while driving. you give your car respect and you respect other drivers. its actually the sort of thing everybody ought to do. then we wouldnt have the aggression . so i have to completely disagree with you when you say that this approach causes dangerous driving. and if you had taken care to read my post, you would have seen the bit where i suggested she drive around a familiar place so she isnt anxious. if she doesnt feel like going on a dual carriageway im sure shes intelligent enough to realise that if she does and she freezes then it could cause an accident.

sandieb

I wonder whether you have considered NLP? As I understand it, it's not the fear of driving, but the fear of the fear. NLP should, hopefully, help to change the way your brain perceives the "threat".

I have been exactly as you and felt that awful feeling of being "trapped" on the motorway.

I tried NLP for another phobia and it helped enormously.

Good luck.