bootcamp for unruly teenager?!

fly_dragon_fly

hi all

i know that when trisha was on tv a few years back she would send them to a bootcamp with their parents and would try and sort things out is there anything in the uk?

my mum isn't a bad mum she never has been but it seems my 13 year old brother is going down the route of drugs to the point of it was his birthday the other week and he and some boy picked up some drugs and all his mates ended up taking these drugs and killing my brothers fish weeing in the wardrobes and in bottles and spraying it around the room it was only when my mum heard them snorting the drug that she threw them out

but as it was raining she let them back in once they had emptied there pockets, but it turned out they still had some drugs and ended up trashing my brothers room and smashing his fish tanks so instead of phoning the police she rang all the boys parents and threw them out. ( she didn't phone the police as 3 of the boys were on their final warning and she didn't want to get blamed for that.)

she then had a meeting today at school and is getting done now for allowing the boys to take the drugs and for child neglet for throwing them out at 4:30 am.

she has just rang me in tears crying that she is a bad mother she really isn't and it kills me to hear her like this.

please help with helpful suggestions

and thanks for sticking around this long if you have got this far

shell_girl

Didn't want to read and run as I know how stressful this can be. My brother is now nearly 18 and four years ago I could have written your post.

Is your mum getting any support from someone like parentline?

My parents ended up with very little support from statutory bodies once my brother had been excluded from two schools by age 14. We did get a phonecall each September telling us he had a place at the pupil referral unit... that being the only contact with the LEA despite him not attending.

At one point I thought we'd lose him completely, either through drugs, violence or being put into prison. *Touch wood* he's coming out the other side now and seems to be making a real go of college, and is turning into an ok young man.

Sorry I know you were asking a specific question about boot camp- at one point we were thinking along those lines as well! Just wanted to let you know that no matter how dire it seems it can work out ok.

vaio

If the events detailed in the OP don’t qualify as “bad mothering” I’d be interested to hear what does.

If normal standards of behaviour hasn’t been established by the age of 13 then I don’t think that some publicity driven stage show like trisha & her boot camp is going to help. Consistent discipline & moral guidance from age 2 is what’s needed and sadly I suspect that at 13 it’s too late to do anything. If she’s convicted of allowing children to take drugs in her house then it’s a strong possibility he’ll end up in care and maybe they’ll have more success.

It might, just might be the case that he’ll see the light, apply himself at school, go to university and end up as a lawyer or banker (where his ability to suck assorted substances up his nose will ensure he fits in nicely) but more likely he’ll join the next generation of unemployable benefit dependant citizens.

lynzpower

she then had a meeting today at school and is getting done now for allowing the boys to take the drugs and for child neglet for throwing them out at 4:30 am.

she has just rang me in tears crying that she is a bad mother she really isn't and it kills me to hear her like this.

Your mum should immediately contact social services and be honest and upfront with them & tell them that she cant cope. She should be 100% honest with them about what shes tried. Throwing him out at 4.30 shows shes reached the end of her tether and shes not sure what to do for the best.

Social workers should be makign contact with the brother and finding specialists to deal with his drug abuse. He is really young to be snorting anything and clearly this is worrying for all of you.

He needs help, and social workers have to, by law, work with the family to keep the fmaily together. Why is your brother using drugs, has he got in with a bad crowd- or something deeper? How is he doing at school.

The more honest your mum is the less she has to fear. She needs to be workign in paretnership with all the authorities to get her son the help he sounds like he desperately needs.

kindofagilr

vaio wrote: »

If the events detailed in the OP don’t qualify as “bad mothering” I’d be interested to hear what does.

If normal standards of behaviour hasn’t been established by the age of 13 then I don’t think that some publicity driven stage show like trisha & her boot camp is going to help. Consistent discipline & moral guidance from age 2 is what’s needed and sadly I suspect that at 13 it’s too late to do anything. If she’s convicted of allowing children to take drugs in her house then it’s a strong possibility he’ll end up in care and maybe they’ll have more success.

Ridiculous, totally ridiculous.

OP I am sorry your mam is having to go through this with your brother, I dont have any advice I'm afraid xxx

fly_dragon_fly

he has just got in with the wrong crowd he is inscure always has been and these kids wouldn't come across as the wrong crowd they all skaters and my older brother is a skater and lives breathes skateboarding and he is fine ok he doesn't really like college but he knows if he wants to go somewhere then he has to stick at it so i dont understand why my little brother isnt like him, they all the rich kids who mummy buys everything they ever want.

one day my brother and his friend ask some guy to buy them fags and he stole the money to cut a story short the went home and instead of going to my mums (as they knew she'd be fuming) they went to the other boys mum who gave them £20 because they were traumatised( before you judge, she is a shop owner of a lovely cheese deli in our lovely little seaside town :rolleyes:)

he is one of those kids who will wind my son up and your tell him not to so he'll just do it again so you then try the postive praise thing and he just ignores you and goes back to winding my son up thats why i moved out 4 years ago.

my mum is the most supportive mum to me and all she does is try and make my brother happy but nothing works.

the school are sending round social workers but my mum is scared of them she doesn't know whats going to happen she just wants the best for my brother we all do.

fly_dragon_fly

vaio wrote: »

If the events detailed in the OP don’t qualify as “bad mothering” I’d be interested to hear what does.

If normal standards of behaviour hasn’t been established by the age of 13 then I don’t think that some publicity driven stage show like trisha & her boot camp is going to help. Consistent discipline & moral guidance from age 2 is what’s needed and sadly I suspect that at 13 it’s too late to do anything. If she’s convicted of allowing children to take drugs in her house then it’s a strong possibility he’ll end up in care and maybe they’ll have more success.

It might, just might be the case that he’ll see the light, apply himself at school, go to university and end up as a lawyer or banker (where his ability to suck assorted substances up his nose will ensure he fits in nicely) but more likely he’ll join the next generation of unemployable benefit dependant citizens.

and i think a bad mum is

• somebody who buys there children drink, fags, drugs or gives them the money too, my mum doesn't even give my brother money when he goes out because she know's he will just buy fags ,
• a bad mother is someone who kicks you out if your pregnant as a teen, a bad mother is somebody goes out every night drinking while leaving the kids at home,
• a bad mother is somebody who doesn't work and just spends it on fags drinks and drugs herself
• a bad mother is somebody who is never there for her kids, my mother works when my dad isn't and visa versa

i really could go on and on about what a bad mother is,

if somebody who cares about their children and wants only the best for them then yes my mother is a bad person.

what do you want her to do lock the kid in because trust me its not possible.

Mupette

fly_dragon_fly wrote: »

he has just got in with the wrong crowd he is inscure always has been and these kids wouldn't come across as the wrong crowd they all skaters and my older brother is a skater and lives breathes skateboarding and he is fine ok he doesn't really like college but he knows if he wants to go somewhere then he has to stick at it so i dont understand why my little brother isnt like him, they all the rich kids who mummy buys everything they ever want.

one day my brother and his friend ask some guy to buy them fags and he stole the money to cut a story short the went home and instead of going to my mums (as they knew she'd be fuming) they went to the other boys mum who gave them £20 because they were traumatised( before you judge, she is a shop owner of a lovely cheese deli in our lovely little seaside town :rolleyes:)

he is one of those kids who will wind my son up and your tell him not to so he'll just do it again so you then try the postive praise thing and he just ignores you and goes back to winding my son up thats why i moved out 4 years ago.

my mum is the most supportive mum to me and all she does is try and make my brother happy but nothing works.

the school are sending round social workers but my mum is scared of them she doesn't know whats going to happen she just wants the best for my brother we all do.

You need to tell your mum that if these boys try that again to call the police, so what if they have been in trouble before, that's their problem not your mum's, and fair play for kicking them out, although a lil soft touch for letting them all back in (should of dragged her own son back home and told the rest to go home), she's not the baby sitter, and social services should be questioning the other parents too, allowing their teens out at 4.30 in the morning, where were they?

Your mum is responsible for your brother not his mates, ban them from the house.

be supportive as you are, :T

fly_dragon_fly

thats what she did she let them back in but once they trashed the house she rang all the parents and then when a few said no sorry your meant to be looking after them she threw them all out and told them to go home. it just happened that it was the parents who said that they wouldn't collet their children that complained to the school and police about the child neglect for throwing them out.

she tried to be caring it got her no where she let them in again because she didnt want them to catch a cold they abuse her trust so she rings all the parents telling them what their children do and when the parents dont react she kicks them out.

if that was me i would have rung the police on the first instance but my mum didn't want to get the boys who have warning in anymore trouble because she didn't want the stress on the other parents because again she cares i feel so sorry for my mum and i am fuming mad at these other parents who don't care what their kids are doing because mine does and now she is being made to look like the bad one i'm sorry i'm ranting im just so angry.

verysillyguy06

fly_dragon_fly wrote: »

hi all

i know that when trisha was on tv a few years back she would send them to a bootcamp with their parents and would try and sort things out is there anything in the uk?

my mum isn't a bad mum she never has been but it seems my 13 year old brother is going down the route of drugs to the point of it was his birthday the other week and he and some boy picked up some drugs and all his mates ended up taking these drugs and killing my brothers fish weeing in the wardrobes and in bottles and spraying it around the room it was only when my mum heard them snorting the drug that she threw them out

but as it was raining she let them back in once they had emptied there pockets, but it turned out they still had some drugs and ended up trashing my brothers room and smashing his fish tanks so instead of phoning the police she rang all the boys parents and threw them out. ( she didn't phone the police as 3 of the boys were on their final warning and she didn't want to get blamed for that.)

she then had a meeting today at school and is getting done now for allowing the boys to take the drugs and for child neglet for throwing them out at 4:30 am.

she has just rang me in tears crying that she is a bad mother she really isn't and it kills me to hear her like this.

please help with helpful suggestions

and thanks for sticking around this long if you have got this far

You have received some good advice and see if you can re-assure your mother. Social Services also now known as Social Care will do a through assessment of the situation but please ask her to contact them . But if the school has done it already, she will be contacted by them. They will try and be helpful. They have to keep the family together and work closely with all worried and concerned parties. Your brother needs help and so does your mother. Tell her not to worry, the image of Social Worker is often wrong and if you meet some bad ones...ask for another !

Lots of positive thinking goes your way...boys need a lotta active stuff, e.g. sports, to keep themselves out of trouble...

carlsberggal

vaio I beleive you are wrong in assuming op's mum is a bad mother and the child has had no support or stucture in his short life. They can just get in with the wrong crowd through no fault of the parents. All parents shouls say "there for the grace of god go I", you never know what will be round the corner, good parenting skills or not. Only good parenting in the eyes of the parent others would disagree on parenting skills and what is right or wrong for their family.
OP - no advice to give I'm afraid - just be there for um and brother. Hugs for the difficult time you family is having