OH thinks differently

Broken_hearted

Well harsh but true!
How did I get OH on board, I took control of everything. When debt free we can have a great holiday to Florida again. Our debt free programme has a £6,000 target for each of the 3 years. Also a 3 months of the year we only pay minimum payments and blow the rest (April, July and December) otherwise we would go stale and give up.

Broken_hearted

OMG my life revolves around the number 3 how strange!:rotfl:

rchddap1

I believe that a few people have and have had this very same problem. What makes this situation worse is where you have one single joint account meaning any savings you make are then spent by your other half. To me it sounds as if you have had your lightbulb moment, but they still haven't had theirs. Until they do you are going to continue to have problems.

The next time you start to think about going out and spending £75 have a quick think if you can do something at home for less cash. Eg, renting a DVD, getting a chinese and then having a nice kiss and cuddle on the sofa.
Another option in this wonderful weather is to put together a picnic.

My partner and I have seperate finances. What he does with his cash is his choice. As it happens we both believe in the old 'get as much as you can for as little cash as possible' and so we can get in a competition for who can get the most for the least. We could go out and splurge, but we both know that we have bills to cover and that would be daft. If you are 100% commited to getting shot of this debt is 2 years you need to work out how far you will go to achieving this. The next step after putting together a budget plan is to talk to your partner about it seeking their help.

Sometimes putting together some numbers helps....such as, if we can pay all this off in 2 years we could have a number of fantastic holidays each year.

You'll get there....just work out what you will and won't do, sort out the numbers and then work on your partner. It can take time, but it is possible to get there in the end.

hobo28

More importantly, I was wondering how the others get their OHs onboard.

You've done what you can. At the end of the day, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Unless he WANTS to tackle it more than he wants a comfy lifestyle then your fighting a losing battle.

Kevicho

i think there is no need to criticise people on here as they have usually found the error in there ways and are here to find help and support.

The best way to convince someone is to encourage them and appeal to what they want.

Show them by saving up they can afford to pay for things themselves and indeed have more spending power because 80% of there wage is going to repay credit cards, and mostly just paying back interest.

lynzpower

I do think MissK is harsh, but then again, maybe Id be that angry had I been in her position

I personally think the thing that many overlook in the quest towards debt free and making those changes is to talk to your partner, but more importantly to listen to each other about the pressures that you face. You dont say what the stresses are, and maybe those stresses are dealt with by spending. If you love your partner and want a future with them, its important to listen to this side of thier personality, and share each others fears. She wouldnt be the first person to buy them selves stuff to cheer them up, geez, whole marketing departments & corporations are built on this premise.

I guess the more active MSErs among us tend to forget ( nad Ive done this too) that actually the majority of the population dont understand why anyone would want to be debt free? Why stopping spending is a good thing? And so forth.

What IM saying is, in a loving relationship, understanding, listening and working on insecurities and stresses is more important than coercing your OH into buying value bread, although with some atention and teamwork, the net result can be the same.

roswell

simple fix seperate finances, what debt has been accumlated your self deal with it, what has been generated by both split, pay what you believe you owe and hold it in your name. dont take on your Oh`s debt and if they have to wait till the bankrupcy notice arrives to have there lightbulb moment so be it, yes £75 is a lot for a meal ... whats wrong with making a meal for your Oh coming home putting on a dvd or some nice music ???? cost probably less than £10

OberonSH

Hey there, welcome to the board, hopefully you'll stick around and pick up some tips.

It can be hard if you have different ideas about money, but have yo sat down with her and shown her how much trouble you're in financially? Is it also worth splitting the finances - assuming you're both working, work out half the bills and have separate accounts. The you both put your halves of the bills in, plus both contribute XX towards debt and then whatever's left is yours to spend. That way she might see that she cannot go on spending as she does, when 3 days after payday her accounts empty.

Good luck with it, and keep us updated.

Kevicho

lynzpower wrote:

I do think MissK is harsh, but then again, maybe Id be that angry had I been in her position

I personally think the thing that many overlook in the quest towards debt free and making those changes is to talk to your partner, but more importantly to listen to each other about the pressures that you face. You dont say what the stresses are, and maybe those stresses are dealt with by spending. I

What IM saying is, in a loving relationship, understanding, listening and working on insecurities and stresses is more important than coercing your OH into buying value bread, although with some atention and teamwork, the net result can be the same.

I love missks opinions, i mean they are the complete opposite to mine, but she is honest and has passion, i say this in a good way but i think she is a bit of a tyrant, but then again if i had kids to look after, and her attitude stems from making sure her kids are ok, she sounds like a really hard worker and i think this has certainly distorted her view on people she see's as "freeloaders", but she has justification.

But back to lynz's point, I think couples should look at this as a genuine opportunity to become even closer, you both (couples in general) have a great opportunity to both work to a common goal, and if successful will create a very tight bond.

Even if it means some pain in the short term it can be worked through, and will benefit you more in the long term

8pnoodles

When I met my OH he was £32k in debt, I was about £10k in debt but paying it off.

He was living on the best food, DVDs, nights out, shiny car, etc. As we'd just got together I felt being critical of him (as his ex was) was going to get me nowhere.

So instead I did it subtly. And boy did it work! I never told him what to do. I started off just by talking about my money a lot, saying I can't afford to do x, y, and z. And getting excited, sharing with him how I managed to live on £15 for groceries for the week, for the first time ever.

We'd watch tv and I'd slate those loan ads, talk about how high the APR was and work out with him how many years 180 months was.

I'd tell him all the horror stories on here, and some of the good ones, about the situations people got themselves into.

But not once did I tell him to cut back on his spending.

But it got him seriously learning about money management.

I offered to work out a budget with him, we did it and he hasn't stuck to it but it's made him realise he has less spare cash a month than he thought and that he had TWO, yes TWO lots of insurance for one single laptop! So he cancelled one.

He's now got as far as deciding (completely on his own I might add) he should sell him motorbike. He was nearly in tears doing it but he got £3200 for it two weeks ago.

He always said he would never sell his bike for a girl, but he says he has and he now knows it's true love. lol (We get married in September this year.)

I have gone the more flexible route of debt paying, some months I do may more off and have a tight month, other months I'll give myself a break.

Honestly, the subtle drip feeding of information works, and when they start to get stressy when you talk about money, BACK OFF and leave it for another day. Nagging gets you nowhere (with my guy anyway!) and this way they think it's all their own idea.

Plus appeal to them, say if we pay this off we can use our spare cash to pay for a playstation 3 the first month we're debt free.

I knew I'd made progress cos OH a while back told me to put down a DVD I had picked up. Then he made me realise that going for the BOGOFF offer on Colgate made it cheaper than Tesco's own brand that week! Turned into a bit of an argument that one, but he was right!

I think you need to work together as a team. personally I'd rather take a bit longer to get out of debt, if that's what my OH wants, rather than pressurise him into a very strict budget straight off. it took me a good year to get the hang of living on a budget from my first serious attempt so I can't expect my OH to get the hang of it in the first week.

Hope this gives an alternative view? As someone else said, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Exactly. And the more you try and force the issue, the more they resist.

(Just to add, I now owe £6200, and OH now owes £21k. He sent me a text message of his cut up credit card the day he did it, bless him.)