OH thinks differently

DrEvil_2

Hi All

My OH aand I have accumulated about 20k of debt in the last 15 months. It really just crept up on us to be honest. Anyway, we had our lightbulb moment about a month ago...

I'm trying hard to cut down on costs, and have saved an additional £100 a month but OH's spending habits haven't changed at all.

We've had talks etc, but we just have different outlooks regarding money.
We are reducing our debt, but just not as fast as I'd like. We had a chat about a DFD last week. Let's just say that my plan for 2 years didn't go down well:o
I can't be too harsh coz the OH has a huge amount of stress going on at the mo. and circumstances mean that we only see each other 2-3 times a week.

So, when the OH phoned up, sounding stressed and upset, and suggests that we go out for a nice meal and a movie last week, I say yes. £75 later.....
I have to say though that £75 is worth it to see my OH laugh and smile, and forget about her situation for a while.

It's just that when I'm taking sandwiches to work (which I hate), and the OH is buying sushi from M&S. I do get frustrated!

I'm just venting here. Anyone want to share their experiences? Did you get your OH to change.

missk_ensington

Hi there, after months of trying to get my partner to change I threw him out.

He was £90,000 in debt and is now having no choice but to bankrupt himself, and you would think this realisation would shock him and make him sort gimself out? No. He goes out for meals 3 times a week, lads weekends every 4-5 weeks at £300 a time, buys gadets like speed camera snoopers, sat nav, heated bloody car seat covers, a Manchester Utd season ticket....etc etc etc.

It will never ever ever work when you are pulling in different directions are you need to wake up to the cold harsh truth if you don't stop it now (I mean totally stop, no £75 nights out on money you haven't got and can't repay, no luxuries, I'm talking nights playing Cherades and shopping at Netto) If not you'll be paying a payplan for the next decade, worse, you';ll be bankrupt.

Read over some of the threads by people who have no choice but to become bankrupt, and you'll realise how awful that prospect is.

Sorry but I don't have much sympathy for people who know they're £20,000 in the red and then splurge £75 on a night out. You deserve to be on your !!!!!!!

Littlemiss-lotsofdebt

My situation is slightly different to yours, in that I'm the one with debts and he is extremely good with money, however, he too, was not impressed when I started coming home with 'value and basic' food ranges, and my generally becoming a bit of a skint flint.

We had words, lots of them, and now he understands that I'm determinded to get myself debt free, he has actually been very supportive of late. I'm not going to lie to you, it was difficult, especially as he isn't in debt so didn't see the need for me to cut back at first, but now he shops around for things himself and seems much more aware of how much things cost.

Would it be worth showing your OH this thread so she can see for herself how concerned you are? Or pointing out exactly what you could do with the money you're currently paying debts off with, when you're debt free?

Good luck, and welcome to MSE,

LMLOD xxx

dudleyboy

missk_ensington wrote:

Sorry but I don't have much sympathy for people who know they're £20,000 in the red and then splurge £75 on a night out. You deserve to be on your !!!!!!!

Hahaha... oh boy that made me laugh. I have to be honest, I agree with your posting completely... if people have to be on a DMP @ £450 pcm FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES to repay the money they squandered (if that was the case!!! - before i get lynched! ) then so be it... that's called tough sh*t and i'm afraid it doesn't taste all that great!

£90,000 of debt... gone bankrupt... and then doing it all over again?? Makes me mad. :mad:

But i'm not sure DrEvil deserved it... they do seem to have had their LBM even if the OH hasn't and is trying hard to sort things out (despite a night off which we're all allowed! )

although "has a huge amount of stress going on at the mo" is a pretty poor excuse. hands up anyone who doesn't.

dudleyboy

Littlemiss-lotsofdebt wrote:

Good luck, and welcome to MSE,

LMLOD xxx

Oh yeah... I didn't see you only had a few postings under your belt. welcome to MSE! :j :beer:

You'll find everyone here very helpful and friendly... although some cut to the chase a bit more than others.

DB x

missk_ensington

I have a lot of stress going on, I live 60 miles away from ANY family or friends, I have a heart problem, a single parent with a 2 yr old, doing a full time BA hon degree and got my exams, working 16 hours a week, commuting 70 miles each way to uni and just bought a house with no kitchen, bathroom...totally derelict (my partner walked out May 4th and is currently texting me death threats 10x a day). Oh and I'm only 20.

Doesn't mean I'm going to go and run up a load of debt! Ooooh I'm stressed and miserable so lets go and get drunk and have some fun. Thats a short-term fix, because you're happy for a couple of hours and miserable for a few years trying to pay it back!

Dudleyboy- he isn't bankrupt yet, he's hiding with friends so they can't trace him. I think he's hoping they just won't ever be able to locate him on order to get him to pay?!?! Gets me mad too!

I have every sympathy for people in debt because their business has failed, cos someone has died etc etc, you know real reasons. I have zero sympahy for people in debt because they got a £5,000 loan for a conservatory, another £10,000 for a new car and put £2-3,000 on CC's for holidays and nights out.

headchef

It is the OP's OH who hasn't had the full-on light bulb moment and it is difficult not to be pulled different ways when your OH isn't fully on board.
My OH has made all the right noises 'oh yes I do ask myself 'do i really need this or do I just want it' before I buy things' and then comes back with gadgets from the petrol station that 'only cost a fiver'. Or he can't be bothered to send stuff back that he's ordered to fix the car and it's the wrong one (I end up doing it). It's a fiver here and a tenner there and it isn't long before it adds up to £75.
If anyone comes up with any consturctive ideas (he's on the mortgage so chucking him out isn't an option :rolleyes: ) I'll be interested too

missk_ensington

I wasn't directing my anger specifically at the OP, it was more a general rant about people in general!

Headchef you could secretly see a mortgage advisor about transferring the mortgage into your name only, essentially buying him out? If you have kids kick him out, put house on market and give him his share. Use your money from it as a deposit and buy your own house!

headchef

missk_ensington wrote:

I have every sympathy for people in debt because their business has failed, cos someone has died etc etc, you know real reasons. I have zero sympahy for people in debt because they got a £5,000 loan for a conservatory, another £10,000 for a new car and put £2-3,000 on CC's for holidays and nights out.

missk_ensignton, we don't know the circumstances for the debt and anyway they become unimportant once on this site. We are here to help each other.

DrEvil_2

missk_ensington wrote:

You deserve to be on your !!!!!!!

I'm not going to dwell on this, except to say that's it's a little harsh.
I do feel for you though. It sounds like you've got enough on your plate too. Hopefully your situation gets better

Can I just clarify a couple of things. My OH's situation isn't the reason for the debt, and we are currently paying off the debt at about £700 a month.

More importantly, I was wondering how the others get their OHs onboard.

headchef

missk_ensington wrote:

I wasn't directing my anger specifically at the OP, it was more a general rant about people in general!

Headchef you could secretly see a mortgage advisor about transferring the mortgage into your name only, essentially buying him out? If you have kids kick him out, put house on market and give him his share. Use your money from it as a deposit and buy your own house!

Er my comment was supposed to be tongue in cheek. I do love him (been friends for years and been as a couple for 6) I just want to modify his behaviour a tad.

But thanks for the advice - always good to have an escape strategy!