Is anyone else feeling a bit short changed in the emotional dept?

C_Mababejive

Has he any endearing qualities..i.e good in bed,good job,good cook etc...?

I'm assuming this chap was in the forces? I remember the Falklands war and it was harrowing enough to see people being burned and dying live on the six o clock news so God knows what it must have been like to be a live participant and having mates killed and so far from home that you might as well have been on the moon.

Having said that...and sticking with my "all people are selfish" philosophy..if you cant fix it,and it no longer suits..tell him and move out asap.

kittiej

Thanks for all of the replies.

We had a talk (read argument :rolleyes:) last night and it all turned out to be my fault because I don't cuddle him or show him any affection

I had to remind him that every time I try to sit next to him he says "What do you want now"? in a sarcastic but funny way. I did tell him it wasn't a very nice thing to do even as a joke. He finally agreed.

This morning he did make an effort so I shall give him credit where it's due.

He's been off work sick for the last three months and I must admit that I forget this also, so I should step back and think about him a bit more. TBH I'm not the most sympathetic person in the world.

I could never leave him as I love him too much and he loves me. He's just got really old fashioned values I think. He's not what you would call a modern man lol.

This is a bad time of year as well with remembrance day and other personal loss so it can be a bit tricky. He's not a man of many words when it comes to saying how he feels, in that respect he is a private person, every now and again he does give me a little insight and it is scarey stuff.

Oh well today's another day and all's calm again.

Thank you all once again.

Oldernotwiser

Now this is where the use of the term "OH" has its problems. If you mean "boyfriend" then the simple answer is to call it a day with as much kindness and compassion as you can manage. If you mean someone you live and have children with, then it's a whole other situation.

Ruby_Moon

kittiej wrote: »

Thanks for all of the replies.

We had a talk (read argument :rolleyes:) last night and it all turned out to be my fault because I don't cuddle him or show him any affection

I had to remind him that every time I try to sit next to him he says "What do you want now"? in a sarcastic but funny way. I did tell him it wasn't a very nice thing to do even as a joke. He finally agreed.

This morning he did make an effort so I shall give him credit where it's due.

He's been off work sick for the last three months and I must admit that I forget this also, so I should step back and think about him a bit more. TBH I'm not the most sympathetic person in the world.

I could never leave him as I love him too much and he loves me. He's just got really old fashioned values I think. He's not what you would call a modern man lol.

This is a bad time of year as well with remembrance day and other personal loss so it can be a bit tricky. He's not a man of many words when it comes to saying how he feels, in that respect he is a private person, every now and again he does give me a little insight and it is scarey stuff.

Oh well today's another day and all's calm again.

Thank you all once again.

Aww...sorry. I got the impression at first he was just a bf.
I know how you feel though and it is difficult but you know what, you just have to try to remember that when you have crappy days and feel down, then so does he. Men just deal with those days as bit differently to us. We might want cuddles, kisses lots of nice words etc they often like to be left alone or might even get a bit distant.
Sometimes its difficult to try and put yourself in your partners shoes when you are feeling hurt.
I think its just a case of trying to read your OH mood and acting accordingly. That doesn't mean you have to be sympathetic, just a bit more aware. If he has his mind on other things at the moment, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you though.
Give him a few hugs and I am sure he will be ok soon enough.

londoner1998

kittiej wrote: »

Hello all

I can't help feeling as though my OH is emoionally devoid and it's peeing me off and upsetting me tbh.

I don't even think he likes me very much and I just feel like ditching him now.

I could say really bad things but I don't think I should.

What do I do?

In response to the thread title: yes, I do and today is one of those days.
We care a lot for each other but we haven't been getting on very well lately.
I don't want to hijack the thread so I will stop, but today he is behaving like a complete ar****le and I am very sad and beyond getting angry, it has happenned so many times.

It sounds like a cliche but it is true that many men are terrible at the talking bit. I had very traumatic events to deal with by the age of 9 and he just doesn't get it- even if we disagree I deserve my feelings to be respected. But no, I am the weird one and it all has to be in his terms. I am tired of dealing with a 30 years of teenager who keeps saying what miserable person I am but never ever goes away. I really want to stop this vicious circle.

I am at the point of throwing away 7 years together- I am tired of making concessions...
I hope the OP feels better by now (off to read the rest of her thread)

londoner1998

kittiej wrote: »

Thanks for all of the replies.

We had a talk (read argument :rolleyes:) last night and it all turned out to be my fault because I don't cuddle him or show him any affection

I had to remind him that every time I try to sit next to him he says "What do you want now"? in a sarcastic but funny way. I did tell him it wasn't a very nice thing to do even as a joke. He finally agreed.

This morning he did make an effort so I shall give him credit where it's due.

He's been off work sick for the last three months and I must admit that I forget this also, so I should step back and think about him a bit more. TBH I'm not the most sympathetic person in the world.

I could never leave him as I love him too much and he loves me. He's just got really old fashioned values I think. He's not what you would call a modern man lol.

This is a bad time of year as well with remembrance day and other personal loss so it can be a bit tricky. He's not a man of many words when it comes to saying how he feels, in that respect he is a private person, every now and again he does give me a little insight and it is scarey stuff.

Oh well today's another day and all's calm again.

Thank you all once again.

It is good to talk (argue)- good place to start...
If he has been in the forces, I can imagine he has a lot of very difficult stuff to deal with...which doesn't mean your feelings are not true or justified... Well done for talking it out...I know what is like to have seen things you wouldn't want to see ever...is a lonely place- well done you, you sound like a very brave lady...

kittiej

Aw Londoner, did you have counselling?

I can't help thinking men never completely grow up, they are a funny old breed.

In most instances I have to be a bit of a shouty person with him to get my point across, but if I leave him to think about things then he usually comes good.

I suppose though that if you are with someone who never acknowledges that you are unhappy then that would be hard to live with because the situation will never get any better.

ManOnTheMoon

kittiej wrote: »

I can't help thinking men never completely grow up, they are a funny old breed.

I think in many cases you are right. My brother will never grow up, however I've had too and feel bad if I ever have a childish moment.

londoner1998 wrote: »

many men are terrible at the talking bit.

It's always been the opposite for me. I've been the talker, my past partners the shouters/abusers. I'm not a feminine man either, although i'm not a meathead :cool:

kittiej wrote: »

MOTM

He lost his bessy mates etc he was on Sir Galahad afterall

He does cry now and again but he's just so "old fashioned" and it pees me off cos I neeed 'something', he retorts that he tells m that he loves me everyday but it just doesn't cut it iyswim.

It's tough and something he's had to live with, but you need to be with him for love, not sympathy and he has to show affection back. Saying and meaning is two different things. I'm not saying he doesn't love you, but he has to convince you and make you believe it.

I hope you sort it out.

Minimum_Wage_2

i totally agree with Manonthemoon!
you took the words out of my mouth with everything you said.
the only bad thing is i had to end mine as she couldn't give any affection even after what she had done and promised she would.

jack*tigger

In terms of books have a look at Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
It sort of explains why women like to talk about things and men like to go and sit in their caves and sort it our for themselves.

He's never gonna be the chatty, touchy, feely, sort of fella if he isn't already. You probably need to try and accept him as he is - warts and all - and not try to change him into something he isn't. But that doesn't stop you from telling him about how you feel. You've just got to word things in a non-confrontational way e.g. instead of saying "You make me feel unloved" you say "I feel unloved" or "I need a hug".