Secret Debt

Toto

My OH knows the full extent of our debt but he really can't grasp the whole saving money thing at all. In fairness he works like a dog and never goes out socially but food shopping with this guy is a nightmare. Worse still is having him home post shop. He doesn't understand that food can last more than 2 days in a fridge. So a salad to him will be every veggie in the drawer, plus a tin of tuna and a tin of sweetcorn and whatever dish I have prepared to go with the salad. Then he will ask if he can cook some bacon really crispy to go with his salad!!!!

I do feel I have to take the stress of him with the debt situation though because he doesn't cope well. I talk to him about it but only when I have things to discuss with a solution to propose, if I didn't he wouldn't function at work and that would be a disaster. He is out working 100+ hours some weeks to my 60 so he is doing his bit.

domesticgoddess

Not anymore, I've been totally honest with him now. He is the one that is secretive with me and it is driving me mad, I can recognise in the mail that he is missing payments and know that most of his cc are maxed to the limit, it is really starting to affect me and I'm qute honestly very very worried.

I told him I visit here but he thinks I lurk and don't post.

Please GOD will he have his LB moment soon

Toto

It's hard watching someone else go through it. I stuck my head in the sand and would struggle to see my OH doing the same. I have friends who are well and truly in the poop but can't see it and I find that tough. Does he get defensive if you try to talk to him about it? Perhaps if you really play on how much relief you feel since the DMP he might start thinking. I don't know if you and your OH are competitive at all, me and mine are horribly so, but we do it in fun. Saving money has turned into competition for us now, who can cut back the most, who can reduce the most spend, who can save the most in our jars. It's all light hearted and good fun and certainly for the greater good.

domesticgoddess

Toto wrote:

It's hard watching someone else go through it. I stuck my head in the sand and would struggle to see my OH doing the same. I have friends who are well and truly in the poop but can't see it and I find that tough. Does he get defensive if you try to talk to him about it? Perhaps if you really play on how much relief you feel since the DMP he might start thinking. I don't know if you and your OH are competitive at all, me and mine are horribly so, but we do it in fun. Saving money has turned into competition for us now, who can cut back the most, who can reduce the most spend, who can save the most in our jars. It's all light hearted and good fun and certainly for the greater good.

He thinks that I shouldn't be so worried about debt and that some debt is healthy, I don't know if he knows about the snowball effect, as far as I can tell without going through private papers and big time snooping he isn't paying off any debt in real terms, i think he is chipping away at it very slowly.

I've told him how much happier I am now and told him of my plans, he changes the subject when I talk to him about CC debt , he is starting to show some interest in this site and he might look one day, he might even be looking now, who knows.

Maybe there is nothing really to be worried about, but I've seen 2 bills that give me cause for concern, one is over £11K the other is just under £10K, thats the 2 that I know about. He doesn't know that I know yet. I'm not cross woith him, I just want us to tackle this now for the sake of our kids, the rate we are going when our kids turn 16 and need help we wont be able to

Willsnarf1983

Let me put it this way!!!

those of you that have not told ur partner bout hidden debt...what happens when you pay of the debt that they know about and the OH starts planning some big holiday and because ur still paying of the hidden debt you have to go..' sorry love but i actually still have £xxxx to pay' or what if she thinks ur Debt free and then finds a bill for some money oweing after thinking you were debt free! This will cause more damage than good!!

you may as well be hung for as a sheep!!!!!!!!

PS the OP, ur over 60k in debt, tell them now because 6k is nothing!!!

Will

OberonSH

My OH and I have only been seing each other a short while (about 6 months), he knows I have debt, personal & business, and I know he has a car loan, and owes his family some, probably under £7k in total. But we dont live together, and even if int he future we do, I'm going to insist on separate accounts etc. I'd never lie to him about my debt, it's my problem not his. I'd expect him to come clean abot any debt he had, but at this stage in our relationship it's none of my business.

bargainbetty

Catseyez wrote:

Am single right now so don't have OH to share the secret with!

I'm with Cateyez..... though I'd settle for a secret OH that I wouldn't have to introduce to all the rellies - I don't care who knows about the debt!:rotfl:

tesuhoha

i am always nagging OH with the amount we are in debt so he cannot fail to know the amount, unless he closes his ears (which is quite likely I think.)

southernscouser

When I first came on here my fiancee didn't knpw about my debt. Now she's my ex-fiancee! :rotfl:

I reckon my debt (and hers) had a major part to play in us splitting up. We never told each other how much we owed and as a result neither of us could really afford to go out or anything. We wanted to get a flat together but it was impossible. I had to keep making excuses and in the end we drifted apart! :rolleyes:

My advice to anyone would be to come clean with your OH. If they go mad and you end up splitting up then better now than in a few years but if they truly love you then it will be something you should come through together!

Donedoingdebt

Brassic wrote:

Heh, yup, know that one. Also - I can understand the kids forgetting to switch lights and tvs etc off, but surely grown men can remember to do it?!

Sorry, doing 2 things equates to multi tasking & us blokes aren't supposed to be any good at that according to you females out there!