Secret Debt

milliejon

How am I supposed to make a stir fry with no carrots and spring onions! All I get from him is "Ooops - should I pop to the grocer's and get some more?" Er - what with??

FullLightbulb - if you don't mind me asking, why can't you speak to your partner about the debt? If he knew, would it not cut your burden? If you don't want to answer please don't feel that you have to.

snoozer

Oh knew all about the debt we were in - he just didn't worry about it like I did. I can completely echo what other posters say about waste - he never turns off the TV, even if he's upstairs on the computer for 2 or 3 hours the TV will be on downstairs (I'm usually in bed).:mad:

He's been away on business trips to Turkey a lot recently, he never birngs me back anything (not that I want him to) but this week his flight was delayed and he came back with 2 huge boxes of chocolates for me. I felt terrible because I was cross with him, but as well as the money I had said to him last week that I was going to go all out on my diet from this week, so I feel sabotaged on two counts.

I know he doesn't do it on purpose but i just wish he'd think sometimes.:rolleyes:

biglad

Me personally i think its best to be totally open, its hard in my situation as my OH only has her student loan and small credit card, but she knows all mine and understands why i cant have a proper bank account and can only have a basic one. I got into my debts through stupid spending and gambling. i gamble just for a bit of interest as i enjoy it, but a ew years ago i was really bad. now im allowed £10 a month if i want it to gamble and its a little target to set to pay off debt or treat my OH to something. if the £10 goes a month it goes and thats it, so ive controlled myself . plus i actually put a self ban on my online betting accounts and shes got one set up now i use

ooppps totally gone of topic but the moral is, best to be open and honest. she thinks the board is great but doesnt post, she knows its helped me out a lot

biglad

forgot to add, i even do the shopping now cos when we shop together its always "shall we have that chocolate cake" etc, i have to be disciplined for my career aswell, cant go piling on the pounds . its not just men that dont understand the concept of not wasting money

stebiz

Mrs_Sparkle wrote:

My OH doesn't know the exact figure that I owe. He's got his own debts which he's dealing with and I haven't told him my grand total, although I plan to when I've got a few months of good payments under my belt.

He doesn't know about my chats on this board either- this is our secret.

All I can say is the mess I got myself in a few years ago I hid from my wife. I won't say the exact amount as some friends of mine know my MSE id. However it was a high amount.......(a very high amount). This got me so irritable and had a big impact on the way I was at home. I also received lots of phone calls and letters off debt collectors. Anyway the bottom line is I told my wife I had big debt problems. I haven't actually told her the amount but I did say that I got myself into it and I would get out of it. I have since been working all hours to pay it off - all the interest on the cards/overdraft has been frozen so it comes straight off. Now she knows that if a debt collector phones or writes that I have it in hand. I have never asked for a penny from her to pay off the debts. All my basic salary is split 50/50 - all my overtime etc go off my debts..............It is now 5 years on and most of my defaults/ccjs fall off my credit record next year or the year after. I will continue paying for many years but now I am in control of the debts - NOT THEM OF ME!!!

Regards
Stebiz

earwig

my oh knows all about my debt there is no way i would or could keep somthing like that from him whats the point of being married if you cant tell them everything especialy when its only money stuff i know if i did keep somthing from him and he found out he would be like the trust has gone if you can hide that from me you can hide anything from me and frankly i wouldnt blame him i would be of the same oppion

bikerqueen

I've been on the otherside of it, found court letters hidden in the wardrobe, took two days for the full extent to come out.

So no, I couldn't lie to him, and thankfullly he's stopped now. Trust is really hard to get back (still have bad days, 3 years on), and lying about money is as bad as lying about seeing other people etc. in my book.

Bunnyinthelights

I kept my debt from my DH for years-It nearly ruined our marriage both not telling him and then eventually owning up to it.
It's been the hardest thing to do but we're now much better for it.
(and I am in A LOT more debt then you...)
It's much easier shared, trust me...
Bunny

Jessiepig

Yes most of mine is a secret. He knows some and managed to transfer some to him on a 0% card so that has helped. I can pay the minium and sometimes more so it does not really worry me but would just like to be debt free.

Catseyez

Am single right now so don't have OH to share the secret with! However, if I did have OH, I'm not sure if I would want him to know. I've been brought up not to discuss money - as a child I was told 'it's vulgar to talk about money' and it's stuck. Even on this board, I feel a little uncomfortable about stating exactly how much I owe.

Am soon to be debt-free so when I do meet someone, I will not have any debt to keep quite about!!