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an alternative to a nursing home?

countrybum
Posts: 439 Forumite


....is there one?
My Grandad has lived with my parents for the last 18months following the very sudden death of my Grandma. He is 86 and is in poor(ish) health. His main problems are arthritis, v low blood pressure and v poor water works. Recently he has been showing sign of dementia. He needs help getting around, getting to the toilet,dressed etc. As you can imagine its very hard for my parents as thy have already been through this with 2 other of their parents. Carers come in twice a week to get him ready for bed. It is getting my parents down greatly, we are at abit of a loss as what to do. My mum says she ca't put him in to a home and he certainly doesn't want to. The carers are a help, but only to a point....does anyone have any words of wisdom or suggestions as how to help?
sorry for the rambling, just needed to get it off my chest as it gets me down too!
My Grandad has lived with my parents for the last 18months following the very sudden death of my Grandma. He is 86 and is in poor(ish) health. His main problems are arthritis, v low blood pressure and v poor water works. Recently he has been showing sign of dementia. He needs help getting around, getting to the toilet,dressed etc. As you can imagine its very hard for my parents as thy have already been through this with 2 other of their parents. Carers come in twice a week to get him ready for bed. It is getting my parents down greatly, we are at abit of a loss as what to do. My mum says she ca't put him in to a home and he certainly doesn't want to. The carers are a help, but only to a point....does anyone have any words of wisdom or suggestions as how to help?
sorry for the rambling, just needed to get it off my chest as it gets me down too!
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Comments
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I'm no expert, but if he needs full time care, then I think that a nursing home is the only option. HOWEVER, if it's not full time care required, the carers could come in more often. With my boyfriend's grandad, he had carers in 3 times a day to get him up and breakfasted; to give him lunch; then tea and to bed. He always had a good stream of visitors through the day too.
Could you get the carers to come into your parents house more often, to help alleviate some of the strain on your parents?
Or, it might be that a bit of respite care would work i.e. your grandad goes into a home on and off to give your parents a break over a weekend or something? I know my aunt has done this with my grandad now and again.0 -
Marcheline wrote: »I'm no expert, but if he needs full time care, then I think that a nursing home is the only option. HOWEVER, if it's not full time care required, the carers could come in more often. With my boyfriend's grandad, he had carers in 3 times a day to get him up and breakfasted; to give him lunch; then tea and to bed. He always had a good stream of visitors through the day too.
Could you get the carers to come into your parents house more often, to help alleviate some of the strain on your parents?
Or, it might be that a bit of respite care would work i.e. your grandad goes into a home on and off to give your parents a break over a weekend or something? I know my aunt has done this with my grandad now and again.
If the grandfather is of sane enough mind to say he doesnt want to go into a home then nobody can force him though.Nature wants the human race to survive. However, it does not depend on us because we are not its only invention.0 -
My step-grandma Monica did the respite care thing with her mother (lived to 102!) so she and my grandad could go on holiday and have some "alone time". Monica always felt she couldn't ask my grandad to look after her mum as he was a man (ie toilet stuff) and she wasn't his responsibility, so it was kind of necessary for them. She started off with a few days, then a week, then a fortnight here and there. She ended up going into the home full-time but it was easier because she was used to it and knew people, and Monica was confident about the level of care.0
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The_Banker wrote: »If the grandfather is of sane enough mind to say he doesnt want to go into a home then nobody can force him though.
Yes and I certainly wouldn't advocate FORCING an old man into a nursing home, I was merely pointing out that respite care is an option to be considered. My personal preference would be to get the carers in more often.0 -
he does go in to respite when Mum and Dad go on holiday but its quite a big thing and a lot of effort for him.. plus he always dreads going (even though he is very well looked after and gets loads of visitors).... carers is an option but tbh Mum thinks its a bit of a waste of time as they don't always do a thorough job of washing him etc (it doesn't help that he puts no effort in)
its just so hard knowing what to do for the best, I can see history repeating itself for Mum and Dad, their lives on hold yet again, it just seems very unfair. I also realise its very difficult for Grandad but sometimes have difficulty feeling sorry for him (maybe not the right word) hen he is so extremely ungrateful for what Mum and Dad (and some of the other family, me included) do for him. Please don't think bad of me fo saying this as I feel very bad for thinking it! Bad day!!0 -
Wow, this really struck a chord with me - my grandad has lived in a nursing home for the last year, after my nan could not cope with looking after him. You have my every sympathy as it is a horrible situation.
A year ago I would never have said this, but the nursing home was the right decision for my grandad. He gets the round-the-clock care he needs, which my nan could not physically provide for him. I know it would take a lot of adjusting to, for him and your family, however please do not rule out a nursing home. There are some lovely ones out there.0 -
I feel for you too and I don't think you're "bad" for finding it hard to feel sorry for your grandad. My grandad can be terribly abusive to my aunt, his carer. He has blackened her eyes more than once and swears at her often, though he was never violent when they were growing up. She has been looking after him full time for 13 years and he has been into respite care maybe 3 times in all that time. My grandad appears to have a form of dementia too (but he is not on any medication) and losing parts of the mind that regulate behaviour may be part of the condition.
I understand the frustration with carers not doing a thorough job, but if your parents are there, could they not stipulate what they expect them to do and to what standard? After all, they are paying for them.0 -
The amount of input from carers can certainly be increased ( at a cost) - the max they usually so in 4 times daily - though it sounds like they may not need more than twice daily. also they can get sitters to stay with hi while your parents can go out0
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I understand the frustration with carers not doing a thorough job, but if your parents are there, could they not stipulate what they expect them to do and to what standard? After all, they are paying for them.[/QUOTE]
Absolutely, but then as my mum says whats the point of them doing it if she has to help/show them? She may as well do it.
Its a very tough situation and I'm glad to know there are others that have had to face these decisions - thanks for all your input.
Grandad isn't violent at all, but he seems to have problems with his memory and can get quite muddled.0 -
Hi,
Has your Grandad had an assessment from social serivces? Under section 47 of the National Health Service Community Care Act 1990 he would be eligible for an assessment. If either of your parents are his carer they too would be able to be assessed for services (this is even if your Grandad refused as carers have their own right).
It may be that following assessment your Grandad is deemed to need support. Nowadays the personlisation agenda is about putting the individual at the heart of servuces therefore to listen to what your Grandad wants. The Direct Payment system would give the money to him (or your parents) to spend as they see fit on things that would improve your Grandads quality of life. This would possible include looking at respite care or a type of home that he and your parents would be happy with if it came to it.
Of course there is a financial threshold of £23k but even if social services won't give any more money under Section 46 of the Act i mentioned they would be able to signpost services. Your Grandad would be assessed with an eligibility cirteria in mind under the Fair Access to Care Services (look at our local council page for info).
Hope this helps.0
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