tracing my ex

koobster

The father of my kids refuses to give me his address he pays childrens money into my account but wont tell us where he lives. He hasn't seen our kids for years and our daughter is now wanting to trace him for some answers. How can i find out his address he says that he doesn't have to give it to me because he doesn't look after our children and he pays his money!!!!!!!!

shell_542

Well he's right really. He can't be forced to give you his address. Do you know the address of any relatives of his? Could your daughter send a letter to him via them? Can you find him somewhere, like on Facebook, to send a message.

If he's set on not having any contact at all, I would make sure I express to my child the likelihood that she may not get any answers and could sadly be ignored

Kimitatsu

How old is your daughter?

I agree with Shell that you cannot make him disclose his address, if he is paying you the correct amount of maintenance then you dont need it and the CSA will not disclose it to you either (they are not allowed to under data protection)

Have you told him that she has questions? Can she not make contact by phone to begin with and see how they both feel? It may be that he does not have tha answers and this is why he is avoiding contact.

koobster

she is 15 and she has alot of questions!!! He pays a good amount of money for them but only because the job he is in he doesn;t want to get in any trouble. From the day he walked out he said he didn't love me or the kids and has never seen them. when i asked him if i could give her his number he said no and then changed his number i know he isn't on the voters roll and his family wont pass anything on to respect his wishes for a new life with his new family! so he can just disapear and make a new life??

Kimitatsu

If he does not wish to have any contact there is nothing you can do to make him.

My eldest had lots of questions that his father refused to answer being fair some of them I dont think he knew the answers to himself. I have had several chats with my son and explained to him that he is very loved and very wanted but sometimes adults do things that they cant explain and dont want to take responsibility for.

So unfortunately yes he can disappear and make a new life as he is maintaining his payments to support his child.

MrsE_2

I gotta agree with kimitatsu, you cannot make him keep in contact with them, you cannot make him love them.
It would be more hurtful if she tries & gets a rude knock back from him than if she leaves well alone, can you not get her to drop the idea?

DX2

MrsE wrote: »

I gotta agree with kimitatsu, you cannot make him keep in contact with them, you cannot make him love them.
It would be more hurtful if she tries & gets a rude knock back from him than if she leaves well alone, can you not get her to drop the idea?

I see your point but (there's always one ) at that age kids think they know everything, maybe it would be better for her to hear it for herself rather than the mother making excuses. Might be better in the long run rather than the kid having this huge fantasy built up in her head...do you know what I mean?

MrsE_2

DX2 wrote: »

I see your point but (there's always one ) at that age kids think they know everything, maybe it would be better for her to hear it for herself rather than the mother making excuses. Might be better in the long run rather than the kid having this huge fantasy built up in her head...do you know what I mean?

Yeah I do.
Its the mother in me that wants to prevent them being hurt & rejected.

DX2

MrsE wrote: »

Yeah I do.
Its the mother in me that wants to prevent them being hurt & rejected.

Of course protecting the cubs

bdt1

There are certain websites and agencies that can trace a person for a small fee, just depends but there are options to find people

koobster

it was one of those websites that i tried but he is only found at his old address when he was on the voters roll and now he has taken himself off. the csa can't tell me and his work wont tell me either and he thought it was funny to tell me that all their bills are in his wifes name so he is impossible to find. it makes me so angry coz i know from his dad that he is very lovin to his new kids and he told me that he nevr loved ours