Family feud brewing over funeral

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
22 replies 3.7K views
jaxjax123jaxjax123 Forumite
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Well on the 14 november my uncle died he. He died leaving no money one child and he was single. He has 4 brothers and sisters.
The funeral costs are looking to be £2100 from what I can tell. I spoke to my nan yesterday who said hse can't afford to pay it all by her self. I said I understand. her circumstances are that she lives with my aunt who works and is the sister of my uncle. They have no mortgage but apart from that they have my aunts wage she is a director of a company and has been there 25 years. My nan gets pension.
So yesterday my nan says she needs help. Them said that her and my aunt will pay a certain amount if my aunt and me match the cost. so they are paying £700 between them and my other aunt and my self are paying £700 each. One brother and sister are paying nothing of which I dont understand and another neice is also paying nothing.
I am so worried I have 2 young children and a mortgage and I am still on maternity leave.
I can't even imagine where I will find £700 any time of the year let alone 3 week before christmas.
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Replies

  • edited 30 November 2009 at 10:31AM
    DX2DX2
    8.3K Posts
    edited 30 November 2009 at 10:31AM
    Can your nan not claim a funeral grant from the social?
    http://www.dwp.gov.uk/advisers/claimforms/sf200_print.pdf

    E2A: the next of kin is the person liable for the funeral no one else. Don't let someone bully you into something you can't afford.
    *SIGH*
    :D
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Forumite
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    Be absolutely straight and tell them right now that you cannot afford it. It is best that they know the score immediately so that they can make other plans.
  • jaxjax123jaxjax123 Forumite
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    my nan asked her daughter my mum to do it. As it is her twin brother. She is on icapasity and she is being told she can't claim. I was sure she would be able too.
  • jaxjax123 wrote: »
    my nan asked her daughter my mum to do it. As it is her twin brother. She is on icapasity and she is being told she can't claim. I was sure she would be able too.
    Your nan is your uncle's mother :confused: so she would be next of kin.

    Responsibility for the funeral

    You will not be granted a funeral payment just because you are paying for a funeral. The Jobcentre Plus office has to accept that it is reasonable for you to be responsible for the funeral costs and that there is no one else who should be paying for it. If you are claiming funeral costs for your child who has died or if you are the partner of the person who has died, you can be paid a funeral payment as long as you meet the benefit conditions. This applies to lesbian and gay partners as well as heterosexual partners. It also applies whether you were married, in a civil partnership or just living together.
    If you are a close relative, family member or a friend of the person who has died, you may be able to get a funeral payment, but it will depend whether there are other relatives alive who are not on benefit. If there is someone closer or equally close to the person who has died who is not on benefit, you cannot usually get a funeral payment. In this situation, the Jobcentre Plus office will also consider whether it is reasonable for you to accept responsibility for the funeral expenses. They will look at how well you knew the dead person.
    *SIGH*
    :D
  • McKneffMcKneff Forumite
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    Did you uncle leave nothing at all, no house, no effects that could be sold,
    no insurance etc.

    if yu cant afford it yu must thell them as soon as possible to at least get peace of mind for yourself.
    make the most of it, we are only here for the weekend.
    and we will never, ever return.
  • jaxjax123jaxjax123 Forumite
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    no he lived in a council flat and all his stuff was junk. Not even stuff you could sell at a bootfair, he was on benefits and when he died he had no running water or electric.
    I know everyone says they wouldn't be able to afford it but we have no savings. And my nan said to me the other day none of us can afford it but we will just have to find it from somewhere. I would love to think I could tell them I cant afford it but they will think Im just being tight. And I'm not Im really not. I feel so blocked in. The only way I can see we can afford this is to get a loan.

    Thanks for all your replies.
  • ErrataErrata Forumite
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    Who has arranged the funeral? Whoever it was has the responsibility for paying for it. They may ask others to contribute to the cost, but they alone are responsible, and it is they whom the Funeral Directors will chase for the money.
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
  • Zazen999Zazen999 Forumite
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    jaxjax123 wrote: »
    The only way I can see we can afford this is to get a loan.

    Thanks for all your replies.

    No!

    Jax

    Your nan needs to apply for the grant mentioned in the first reply to your question. She has to do it, as the person responsible for the funeral.
  • PLEASE DO NOT GET A LOAN!!!! It will end up costing you an awful lot more than £700, especially if you go to a doorstep lender or similar (which, given the relatively small size of the loan, I'm guessing is the most likely option available to you). If you don't want to refuse outright, why not offer a contribution that you can afford?

    I'm struggling to understand the reasoning behind the split - if your nan & aunt are only paying £700 between them, how come you & less-well-off aunt have to pay £700 each? Nan should at most be asking people to contribute what they can afford and be greatful for it. Incidentally, why can't she apply for a funeral grant, if she's just on pension?
  • mrcowmrcow Forumite
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    £2100 that no one can afford - who's organising ths funeral? What's included in this £2100?

    Is it a burial - if so, then perhaps look at a cremation as they can be a lot cheaper.
    "One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
    Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."
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