searching for adopted sister

the_devil_made_me_do_it

divadee wrote:

Not tying to put a downer on things, but if a connection is found tread very carefully please.

Your sister will have her own life, might not want to know about her birth family and that can be upsetting for everyone.

I am adopted and i have no interest in finding my womb that carried me (i say that as she is not my mother my mum and dad are the people who have loved and cared for me all my life not her) Some people need to know others dont. You might feel very upset if she rejects you if you did find her, as she might not want to know anything.

I hate this new law that allows the biological people to trace their children, its wrong and only the children should have the say as to weather they want to be found and have contact etc.... They gave up that right when they gave their children away for adoption.

This might sound like i am bitter but i am definately not. I could not have better parents i love them deeply and most of the time forget that i am adopted anyway!!! My mum laughed when i went to the drs recently and asked if i had any history of disease in the family and proceeded to reel off everything that they have had!!! lol

You have the right to your feelings, it's just a shame you feel the way you do. It made me feel quite sad reading your post, however, that's my problem to deal with not yours.

divadee

the_devil_made_me_do_it wrote:

You have the right to your feelings, it's just a shame you feel the way you do. It made me feel quite sad reading your post, however, that's my problem to deal with not yours.

i have replied to your pm. I dont know why you felt sad though. People need to think of both sides in situations like this.

The adopted sister should be the one to instigate it i think not the biological sister. The adopted sister will have a lot more emotions involved than louise. Also for her sister to contact her and then tell her her biological mother is dead could be very shocking and hard for someone to take.

Also there can be a lot of guilt associated with finding her biological family she might feel disloyal to her real family (ie the ones that brought her up) and not want to upset them or herself.

People should be ready for rejection though

Dora_the_Explorer_5

I think that adopted people can register if they don't want to be contacted by birth relatives. There are two levels: contact in exceptional circumstances (death, inheritance) and no contact whatsoever in any circumstances.

divadee

Dora_the_Explorer wrote:

I think that adopted people can register if they don't want to be contacted by birth relatives. There are two levels: contact in exceptional circumstances (death, inheritance) and no contact whatsoever in any circumstances.

how do you do that dora???? That might be useful to a lot of people.

the_devil_made_me_do_it

divadee wrote:

i have replied to your pm. I dont know why you felt sad though. People need to think of both sides in situations like this.

The adopted sister should be the one to instigate it i think not the biological sister. The adopted sister will have a lot more emotions involved than louise. Also for her sister to contact her and then tell her her biological mother is dead could be very shocking and hard for someone to take.

Also there can be a lot of guilt associated with finding her biological family she might feel disloyal to her real family (ie the ones that brought her up) and not want to upset them or herself.

People should be ready for rejection though

Everyone has different feelings on this. I think it's up to an individual to deceide what emotions ect they can handle. Yes, it's a deep world is adoption, but dosen't have to have no light at the end of the tunnel. I've read many stories of success, and they all haven't ended in everyone being friends and going on as if nothing has happened, but it's closed a few chapters for people, and they've been able to move on subsequently.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

divadee wrote:

how do you do that dora???? That might be useful to a lot of people.

This link gives more info - http://www.afteradoption.org.uk/page.asp?section=00010001000100030011

miaxmia

I hope you have luck in finding your sister and, if she knows about you, she might be hoping that you do try to find her one day.

the_devil_made_me_do_it

miaxmia wrote:

I hope you have luck in finding your sister and, if she knows about you, she might be hoping that you do try to find her one day.

yup, gotta agree, you just never know

scooper

I am adopted,and have always known i was,and also that i had a sister,so 3 years ago i decided to trace her, i went to the place i was adopted for my adoption file,i read it and it had all sorts of information,included a address which was my birth mothers sister,she was involved alot during the adoption it said on the paper work,anyway long story short,i wrote a letter,and she put me through to my sister after 2 days of sending original letter,i didnt want any contact with my ''mother'' i just always wanted to know my sister.
in regards to expectations of how it might be, mine was abit of a nightmare,from finding my sister we clicked straight away,i found out i had another sister 1year younger,who she still lived with the mum,the year then progressed to me meeting them in a space of 2 months,giving in and meeting the mother who was a alcoholic,having a dna tes to find out if i was sisters dad daughter,i was, in the end,meeting him,his mum my nan,neices nephews etc.it was all so fast and very difficult to take in,it has taken a good year for it all to calm down and be normal,i know find the best way for me to handle this is to keep both sides of my family seprate,i dont really mention my sister to my mum,visa versa,just for my sanity.

I did have a hard time and all i would urge anyone to do is take your time,it had a big inpact on my family,partner my adopted mum,dad,and my adopted brother(i hate saying adopted,because i see them as just my brother,but have to so you all understand whos who!).you will never know something if you dont try,luckily for me,my sisters already knew about me and they always said they knew i would come looking somehow.
if you need to pm please feel free.
good luck whatever you decide,you never know she might be trying to find you,or like has been said,has no idea at all,and caused upset whithin her family,its hard to know what to do

scooper

just to also say,i was adopted by a adoption agency not social services,so if you are going to look,try that route also
good luck again!