so last night I took a deep breath

yellowduck_2

Hi there iwillgetoutof debt, glad you are getting support, it must make such a difference. I don't have any family or a partner to help me and I try to tell myself that at least they are not there to blame or criticise but I do get lonely trying to sort it all out alone. Which is why I find the forum so helpful. I am lucky to have a wonderful son and good friends so i am not moaning but sometimes wish someone was there to help, not so much money wise but to say "we'll get through this together". Good luck

littlesmurf

iwillgetoutofdebt wrote: »

I'm new here so I hope you don't mind me posting.

Anyway, after lurking on here for the past couple of weeks, I took a deep breath and admitted my £55,000 debts to my husband.

Unlike many of you, I have no noble reasons for being in debt. I have just been stupid and been unable to adjust to having a part-time wage after having children. The debt has steadily mounted over the past 6 years, and I have reached the point where I can no longer transfer balances, or even meet the minimum payments.

I feel so rubbish about it. Anyway, like I said I told my husband last night who was absolutely fantastic (I had a bag packed before I told him incase he wanted me to get out right anyway). He is just upset and disappointed that I didn't tell him earlier, but he is seeing the debt as "our" problem, and will help me tackle it.

Luckily (or perhaps ironically) his Dad is an insolvency practitioner, and, although we don't want to go down the Trust Deed route, we are going to speak to him for advice. I am dreading that even more - the sheer mortification of others knowing about the mess that I have created. I am just hoping that my MIL doesn't find out.

I know that I should feel relieved, but I still feel !!!! about the whole thing. I hardly slept a wink last night, and can't look my husband in the eye today. I feel like I have been having an affair, and his understanding is making me feel worse. Despite my optimistic user name, I still feel paralysed by the amount of debt.

Thank-you for taking the time to read this. Please someone tell me that the sheer mortification will go away eventually.

I still have to tell my husband, i am in a similar sort of mess. I owe a little bit less than that but not much. I joined payplan 8 months ago so i have sorted it , i depseratley want to tell him and have even wrote a letter but i don't know what the outcome will be. he hates lies and has never been in debt in his life . you are very brave and i hope i can be as well soon

terri72

littlesmurf wrote: »

I still have to tell my husband, i am in a similar sort of mess. I owe a little bit less than that but not much. I joined payplan 8 months ago so i have sorted it , i depseratley want to tell him and have even wrote a letter but i don't know what the outcome will be. he hates lies and has never been in debt in his life . you are very brave and i hope i can be as well soon

My husband is the same as yours and i really dreaded telling him and like iwillgetoutofdebt, I was waiting to be told to go. But he has been really supportive. I really hope that you find the courage to tell him, especially as you are in the process of dealing with your debt.

iwillgetoutofdebt

Just a bit of an update. I am about to start on a DMP (not a fee paying one thanks to the advice on this board ) and should hopefully be debt free in 5 years :eek:

The guy I spoke to advised me to change my phone number - has anyone done this? I have actually changed my number on all my accounts to a fake one, but not sure if that'll fool them . I am used to dealing with stroppy people though (have worked in the NHS for long enough not to take any !!!!!! from anyone ).

Anyway, I feel so much better than I did this time last week. My lovely husband is supporting me through this, and I feel better in myself as I will be able to cover the monthly payments to my DMP myself (granted that he will need to pay more towards the household costs and childcare, but if I had asked him for that help years ago, I wouldn't be in this mess now).
The irony is that I am now !!!!!! hot at budgeting, so know that I should be able to stick to my budget.

Thank-you everyone, and I am sure that I will bore you all silly with my ramblings and questions over the next five years.

tlc123_2

well done you! So glad its getting underway - I'm on the 5 year mark too so our debt free dates will be about the same so we can go through it together!!
xx

facinguptothechallenge

This is all new to me but im glad i read peoples posts. Like you im on my own and have to deal with it myself and some days its hard, we dont want critisism just an ear and im amazed at peoples responses on here, what a nice bunch and it has restored my faith in people. Im just starting to deal with my debt and have took the first step to see what options i have, will hear on monday what my next move is so fingers crossed. I have had my eyes open reading the posts and thanks to everyone its nice to know we are not alone. I wish everyone good luck as its a tough road to go down but there is an end if we really want it. xx

littlesmurf

well done ... i feel better since i sorted my dmp and agree the budgeting is easy once you take control. if only i had done it years ago. I hadn't been advised about changing my phone number, but am wondering weather this is a good idea ?

forsya

Welldone for telling your husband that is the biggest thing to do, I remember telling my mum about my debt a few years ago, I even wrote down a little diary of how I was feeling, I read it the other day and think OMG how did I do that, it was so hard at the time, but from now things can only get better for you and your family, it will be tough but worth it.

I wish you all the very best of luck x x