so last night I took a deep breath

iwillgetoutofdebt

I'm new here so I hope you don't mind me posting.

Anyway, after lurking on here for the past couple of weeks, I took a deep breath and admitted my £55,000 debts to my husband.

Unlike many of you, I have no noble reasons for being in debt. I have just been stupid and been unable to adjust to having a part-time wage after having children. The debt has steadily mounted over the past 6 years, and I have reached the point where I can no longer transfer balances, or even meet the minimum payments.

I feel so rubbish about it. Anyway, like I said I told my husband last night who was absolutely fantastic (I had a bag packed before I told him incase he wanted me to get out right anyway). He is just upset and disappointed that I didn't tell him earlier, but he is seeing the debt as "our" problem, and will help me tackle it.

Luckily (or perhaps ironically) his Dad is an insolvency practitioner, and, although we don't want to go down the Trust Deed route, we are going to speak to him for advice. I am dreading that even more - the sheer mortification of others knowing about the mess that I have created. I am just hoping that my MIL doesn't find out.

I know that I should feel relieved, but I still feel [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL] about the whole thing. I hardly slept a wink last night, and can't look my husband in the eye today. I feel like I have been having an affair, and his understanding is making me feel worse. Despite my optimistic user name, I still feel paralysed by the amount of debt.

Thank-you for taking the time to read this. Please someone tell me that the sheer mortification will go away eventually.

sallyx

It will get easier and it sounds like you will be able to get some sound advice from your FIL. Don't forget that a call to the Free Debt Help from CCCS, Payplan CAB etc might also prove useful.

radley1974

Please dont think I know any answers, I just wanted to wish you support for what ever you choose to do to regain control. I only started posting yesterday - but just keep looking forward x x

Ellieseleven

Just wanted to send a hug :grouphug: and to say well done for facing up to your debts! I too am coming to terms with the amount of debt that I have racked up, I know exactly how you are feeling but have to say that has the weeks go by you do start to feel much better.

The people on this forum have become my lifeline and are so helpful :T

tlc123_2

Hi ya

I know exactly how you are feeling - I'm about two weeks in after telling my fiancee and he was exactly the same - its our debt not just mine and we'll sort it out. Part of my just wanted him to shout at me! But that just shows how lucky you are to be in a good relationship and have lovely little people - never forget that that's what matters. Go on the Payplan or CCCS website for info on Debt Management Plans- they will negotiate with all your creditors to offer them payments and they sort the whole thing out. I haven't done it as while I have massive debts, at the moment we're earning ok and can afford the repayments, but i know from others on here that they've found that a great solution.

Keep your chin up, you're among people in EXACTLY in the same posiiton - me for one!!

x

Buffythedebtslayer

Its awful, I mean I cannot bear the thought of anyone in my real life know how much debt I am in, you have been much braver then me. You are not the first person to be in this situation and the people here over the last couple of years, well some of them are now my best friends I "speak" to them every day so stick around. You really aren't alone and you are not the only one.

Read some of the diaries and some of the challenges, nick all the ideas you can and do seriously realise that yes its not a great situation but it is by no means as bad as having an affair.You will get through this

((hugs))

xxxx

Useless_with_wonga

My wife came to me with the exact same issue about 18 months ago with a very similar amount and although I have to confess I was cross,scared, and a whole host of other feelings all at the same time I resolved that we would sort it out together.
It has been a bumpy road to say the least BUT 18 months later with the help of Payplan we are now back in control. We have halved the debt and can now comfortably manage the monthly payments.
It has meant a drastic change in our outlook on how and what we spend,running a banger, a carp credit rating etc etc BUT we are so much happier for it. We now even have a little bit of money left at the end of every month not much but we are at least in credit:T (thats what happens when you suddenly have no overdraft or credit cards to rely on:o)
You will be fine. I was initially embarrassed to disclose "our" mess to anyone but as time passes you know what i don't really care anymore and will happily tell folks "our " story if only to save them going the same way or to help and advise on how to dig themselves out of the mire.
Try not to worry. It won't be plain sailing but you will be able to resolve this with some determination and hard work it will settle down and you will get it under control trust me.

iwillgetoutofdebt

Thank-you everyone for your kind words. I have to take dd out to a party just now, so that should take my mind off it for the moment.

With DH's support I should be able to afford the repayments, but the interest is just astronomical. I must get my credit report to look at. Although I haven't missed any payments, I was late with a couple earlier in the year just after my son was born - they were to Cap 1, and from what I have read on here, they seem to be one of the worst to deal with. They certainly didn't waste anytime phoning me to let me know that I was late.

I think that I will phone Payplan or CCCS as well as speaking to my FIL. We do have a lot of equity in our house, so we could also consider releasing some of that. At least I am back to work in a couple of weeks, so will have a salary coming in again.

Useless_with_wonga

Hi,
I hear what you say about releasing equity from your home to get this debt paid off. However and in reality all that is happening with that course of action is that you are turning your unsecured borowings into a secured debt on your home.
If you then run into trouble later on (not saying you will) then there is a lot more at risk if you follow my train of thought.
You also risk the train of thought that many including myself have gone down in so much as you view the problem as resolved (not really you have just increased your mortgage and secured it) and start spending on the credit cards again vowing to keep it in check and before you know it hey presto back to square one..

iwillgetoutofdebt

Thanks Useless with wonga (great user name btw, probably more appropriate for me .l). Believe me, those credit cards are being cut up, and I am never getting another one in my life. My husband can have that responsibility as he is very prudent when it comes to money. We are just considering all our various options atm.

He is meeting my FIL tonight to discuss the situation and see what he suggests. Unfortunately we can't get a baby-sitter, so it will just be the two of them (maybe just as well as they won't have to risk hurting my feelings )

Things have been quite wierd here today, with both of us not really saying much to each other (well we can't really in front of the children). No doubt that will change tonight when he gets in from the pub.

terri72

I just wanted to say hi

I was in a similar position to you in September 2008. I was struggling to make the minimum payments on my cards and all my savings had gone. I realised that I owed just under £28k and my husband didn't know.
I plucked up the courage and told him and it was the best thing I have ever done. Like you I was scared that I would be told to leave, but he just gave me a big hug and said we'll work it out together.
I was in the process of signing up on a DMP to a company that would have charged me for helping me getting out of debt. He went with me to citizens advice and held my hand during my phone called with Payplan, who are helping me on my debt free journey.

I'm now a year in to my DMP and hubby is still being as supportive as ever.

I wish you all the best and even though it may not seem like it now, things will get easier.