Armed Forces Wive & Partners!

NavyWAG

Hi,
Just have a few questions really........brace yourselves.
1) Are MQ areas clicky places to live?
2) Any idea of the min - max rent charged on MQ's
3) Have learnt that some WAGS have the urge to talk behind your back lol, does this happen a lot on MQ patches etc (Glad to say that barring 1 or 2, everyone else have been amazing :j)

I am mainly asking these questions because my OH is in the Navy, and I have been treated like a leper by some other Navy Wags because A) we're not married and we have no children. OH NO!!!!!!

I have been described as 'disposable' by some lovely wives and feeling a little low bout it all to be honest. I dont really know why my relationship is such a talking point :mad: because it really is not that amazing lol!

We do not ever intend to have children as its just not something we are interested in but I am sure we will get married at some point. We rent quite a distance from where he is based and have considered scrapping together to get married soon rather than later because it would make thing so much easier for us, as we miss each other (soppy gits, i know) and the whole coming home every evening is so appealing.
But I just couldnt stand to live somewhere that i felt like i was getting judged continuously. I would love being with people in a similar situation but can not stand rudeness, backstabbing and general !!!!!ing.

Sorry its such a long post lol! All replies would be greatly received......however honest lol!

spike7451

NavyWAG wrote: »

Hi,
Just have a few questions really........brace yourselves.
1) Are MQ areas clicky places to live?
2) Any idea of the min - max rent charged on MQ's
3) Have learnt that some WAGS have the urge to talk behind your back lol, does this happen a lot on MQ patches etc (Glad to say that barring 1 or 2, everyone else have been amazing :j)

I am mainly asking these questions because my OH is in the Navy, and I have been treated like a leper by some other Navy Wags because A) we're not married and we have no children. OH NO!!!!!!

I have been described as 'disposable' by some lovely wives and feeling a little low bout it all to be honest. I dont really know why my relationship is such a talking point :mad: because it really is not that amazing lol!

We do not ever intend to have children as its just not something we are interested in but I am sure we will get married at some point. We rent quite a distance from where he is based and have considered scrapping together to get married soon rather than later because it would make thing so much easier for us, as we miss each other (soppy gits, i know) and the whole coming home every evening is so appealing.
But I just couldnt stand to live somewhere that i felt like i was getting judged continuously. I would love being with people in a similar situation but can not stand rudeness, backstabbing and general !!!!!ing.

Sorry its such a long post lol! All replies would be greatly received......however honest lol!

The are two good forums you might find interesting,
For the Matlots-
http://www.navy-net.co.uk/
And for the families-
http://www.rearparty.co.uk/
Sorry I can't help directly,me being RAF,but I hope these help.
Regards,
Spike

slummymummyof3

Married quarters can be very clicky, but if you aren't at home with children during the day as you are at work, it shouldn't be too problematic. I couldn't stand the whole 'in and out of each others houses' all the time ethos. Whilst I enjoy socialising, we also enjoy our own company. Can't bear it when the non-working wives with no career prospects wear their husbands rank!!!

That aside, I have made some fantastic, like minded friends who live in married quarters.

I just can't be doing with the ridiculous length of time they take to repair faults etc in the MQ's. Although the accomodation is cheap - there is such a thing as quality of life!

That said, I haven't done the whole quarters thing for 10 years.

footballmanagerwidow

There's going to be cliques on every MQ patch you ever live on, it's up to you whether you want to be part of it all or not. I don't know about Navy, but you get nice and not so nice Army wives just like any other people! Let them talk if they want to, there's nothing you can do to stop them and you can't let it stop you living your life.

The amount you pay for your quarter depends on it's size and condition, we pay £250 odd plus £100 CILCOT (in lieu of Council Tax) a month, but we live in a reasonably nice 4 bed...I know people who live in 2 beds that pay £60.

pinklover

I can completely understand where u're coming from, as I found myself in a similar situation. This is my 1st time in MQ and although having attended many formal functions in the past as girlfriend, living here is not the same. We too was in a longer distance relationship and actually quite enjoy it thinking back, as we missed each other lots more! Although I've kind of prepare myself for this, I really have no idea the extend of clickyness it is really!

First of all, I work full time and have no kids which does not fit in to the majority of the other wives norm. Though I honestly will not choose to work full time when we move in 7 mths time, I still would like to make my own living and prehaps get to have a life outside the barracks! As for kids, it is not something me and my husband wants at all, instead we have 2 dogs to keep us busy.

At the beginning when I first move in which is about 1 year ago, I make a good effort to attend all the social, I just found it hard work as a) most of them know each other very well through hanging out in and out each other's house for coffee mornings and toddler class etc..which makes me kind of out of place. b) nearly ALL of them have kids and the main convo is really just kids! Now, I know they're soooo important and taken over most of their lives but at one point they were discussing which diaper is better for girls/boys etc!!

So, that's my mind made up afterwards of still being nice but realised that I can't get on with everyone and find it difficult to fit in when we've nothing in common. So, now I only attend formal functions with hubby and not getting too involve in the whole wives social much and seriously don't think I'm missing out much!!

EmmEve

Well i have never found it as bad as it first sounded lol.

Tbh i never really mixed with anyone before kids as i was working full time and w/e were spent with dh or family. Now i have kids i know a lot more mums from camp and the majority of them are perfectly normal nice people! Sure you get the odd iffy one but you get that anywhere.

Lottebear

I don't find it like that but I work full time and we are based in London therefore there are loads of different people all together.

People do treat you differently when you are married.

Marker_2

NavyWAG wrote: »

Hi,
Just have a few questions really........brace yourselves.
1) Are MQ areas clicky places to live? With any group of women you will find clicks, but generally women understand that we're all in the same position, so dont go thinking everyones a !!!!!!
2) Any idea of the min - max rent charged on MQ's I pay around £200 a month including a version of Council Tax. The amount you pay will depend on the size and standard of your house.
3) Have learnt that some WAGS have the urge to talk behind your back lol, does this happen a lot on MQ patches etc (Glad to say that barring 1 or 2, everyone else have been amazing :j)Again, women are reknowned for being !!!!!y, but generally I wouldnt worry about it, forces wives are no different to regular wives - they are not a species onto their own.

I am mainly asking these questions because my OH is in the Navy, and I have been treated like a leper by some other Navy Wags because A) we're not married You will find some women like that, take no notice, everyone starts as a girlfriend and then a partner, sometimes becoming a wife and we have no children. Again you start off with no children, durr, so take no notice of them women, OH NO!!!!!!

I have been described as 'disposable' by some lovely wives and feeling a little low bout it all to be honest. I dont really know why my relationship is such a talking point :mad: because it really is not that amazing lol! Again take no notice, they are putting themselves on their own pedastal, what you need to do is push the pedastal over and watch them fall hun.

We do not ever intend to have children as its just not something we are interested in but I am sure we will get married at some point. We rent quite a distance from where he is based and have considered scrapping together to get married soon rather than later because it would make thing so much easier for us, as we miss each other (soppy gits, i know) and the whole coming home every evening is so appealing.
But I just couldnt stand to live somewhere that i felt like i was getting judged continuously. I would love being with people in a similar situation but can not stand rudeness, backstabbing and general !!!!!ing.

Other people should never come into your reason for marrying or not wanting to marry.
Sorry its such a long post lol! All replies would be greatly received......however honest lol!

Forces families are normal people in an unusual situation. You get what you put in out of forces life. You have the opportunity to make friends from all walks of life, or to keep yourself to yourself. The life is what you make of it.

There are many sites out there to support wives and girlfriends of forces personnel, just type a few keywords into google e.g forces forums, wives and girlfriends of soldiers. Theres loads out there so join a few and stay where you feel most comfortable

mrsfarnie

I have been married for 5 years to my RAF Husband. We have never lived in quaters as we have our own house. My husband got posted earlier this year due to promotion. As the housing market is so bad we rented the house out.
I moved into Quaters in May this year, I am married with 2 kids. I moved out in September!
I had the worst possible family living next door.- Stay at home mum with 2 kids. Always shouting at them always drinking. Took my kids to the nursery on camp. tried to make conversations with people and just got looked at strangely!
They do talk about you, they do know everything that happens, they do watch out their windows to see who is coming and going from your house.
I could and never want to live in quaters again.

Tia_33

NavyWAG wrote: »

Hi,
Just have a few questions really........brace yourselves.
1) Are MQ areas clicky places to live?
2) Any idea of the min - max rent charged on MQ's
3) Have learnt that some WAGS have the urge to talk behind your back lol, does this happen a lot on MQ patches etc (Glad to say that barring 1 or 2, everyone else have been amazing :j)

I am mainly asking these questions because my OH is in the Navy, and I have been treated like a leper by some other Navy Wags because A) we're not married and we have no children. OH NO!!!!!!

I have been described as 'disposable' by some lovely wives and feeling a little low bout it all to be honest. I dont really know why my relationship is such a talking point :mad: because it really is not that amazing lol!

We do not ever intend to have children as its just not something we are interested in but I am sure we will get married at some point. We rent quite a distance from where he is based and have considered scrapping together to get married soon rather than later because it would make thing so much easier for us, as we miss each other (soppy gits, i know) and the whole coming home every evening is so appealing.
But I just couldnt stand to live somewhere that i felt like i was getting judged continuously. I would love being with people in a similar situation but can not stand rudeness, backstabbing and general !!!!!ing.

Sorry its such a long post lol! All replies would be greatly received......however honest lol!

Really sorry you are feeling low - keep your chin up!

I am in a situation similar to yours - recently married and hubby is in RN and we have been posted to a RAF camp - first experience of quarters! I have been quite surprised at how unfriendly fellow MQ residents can be - even down to blanking you if say good morning, hello etc. I don't think this is just RAF as there are quite a few RN here too. Not having children can be a disadvantage as you don't have the opportunity of meeting people at the school gates and as I don't work either this can be limiting.

However this could be true in any area you live in not just in MQ's. As for the comment relating to wives wearing hubby's rank I have heard this too but haven't I am pleased to say experienced it. As far as I am concerned I am an individual and wouldn't stand for someone treating me differently just because of their OH's rank. Likewise I would never treat the partner of someone below my husband's rank any differently.

As for MQ costs it is variable dependent on size, location, condition etc. Give the HIVE a ring at the camp you would be living on/near and they should be able to give you some rough info on the MQ's.

Good luck!

13Kent

We were paying £650 in rent plus council tax, and moved into a large 3 bed quarter with a great garden for about £200 a month when we got married (plus the council tax element which is less than 'normal' rate).

Our quarters have always been spacious with pretty good gardens, if the fixtures and fittings inside have been a bit dated and worn out! Sometimes it does take a while for things to be fixed if you have a problem, but you don't have to pay for repairs!

I have generally found most other wives very friendly and suppportive. There are some that wear their husband's rank, but equally there are others who don't - one of my good friends at our last posting was our station commander's wife - she is lovely and very down to earth with no airs and graces!

Before we had children and I was working I didn't socialise much, but wasn't put under any pressure to do so. You can do as much or as little as you like. I have a much bigger circle of friends now we have children and I am not working, and I socialise more because of it. Just as in 'normal' life there are people that I am friends with, those that are acquaintances that I know to say hello to, and others that I don't see at all - even though they live quite close as they keep themselves to themselves.

It's still your life, and who you choose to befriend is up to you. Most people I have met are very supportive and friendly as they all know what it is like to be miles away from friends and family and sometimes have your husband away.

Good luck!