URGENT help needed :-(

rchddap1

I'm afraid this is a situation where he needs to lead. Just be there to love him. Reassure him that no matter whether he decides to contact the CSA or not you will be there. Show him that no matter what happens nothing is going to change between you and that you'll help him through this.

My partner found it hard to make a decision. However, by that time I knew him very well and already knew what he really wanted to do deep down inside. He wanted to make contact, but was afraid that she'd reject him (among a host of other fears). I did essentially tell him to go ahead and do what I already knew he wanted to do. But he was so afraid. On many occasions he needed a hug and was nearly in tears. The stress for him was huge. It took a few weeks for him to find his courage. But find it he did.

If anything it brought us closer together as a couple.

If this is his child then he is the father, and so its his decision to make at the end of the day. But its a very hard thing to do alone and he needs you now more than you probably realise (I didn't realise it myself at the time). Be there for him, support him, love him, let him talk things through with you.

If you get scared or worried think about this....if you do have a child wouldn't you want the person you considered the father to take responsibility to help the child? I would....that is why when he first told me about the lost daughter I was pleased....despite all the problems that could have been brought with it.

essexhoney

On the side of DNA Testing through the CSA. When they asked for my sons fathers name and details etc. I didnt know where he was living all i knew was his mothers old address it only took them a week to track him down. So i would think if she was serious and you are in a village he probably would have heard something by now.
First of all my sons father denied all knowledge of knowing me said he certainly wasnt the father of my child and demanded a DNA test.
They contacted me to explain what was happening and told me they would send me a letter with a consent form to sign agreeing to the test. I did this and sent it back 2 weeks later i got another letter through saying that he had admitted that he was my sons father :rolleyes: and that they had calculated his earning and he would have to pay back £0 and pay a total of £0 each month :mad:
When i contacted the CSA they told me that he only changed his mind about being my sons father after they told him how much it would cost him if it turned out that he was the father :rolleyes: and that he had no income not even benefits so therefore couldnt pay anything - he warned me after i left him (he was violent and abusive to both myself and my son) when my son was 4months old that he would never work on the books again so that i would never get a penny out of him which is obviously what he has done :mad:

homersimpson_3

and that he had no income not even benefits so therefore couldnt pay anything -

how and where is he living? how is he paying for food, rent, utilities etc.? ask CSA for breakdown of assessment. does lifestyle match claims?

essexhoney

i never thought of doing that actually! thanks il give them a call i dont see why he should get away with not paying because of what he did to us - it really does infuriate me :mad: its not even the fact that i want his money or want anything from him i just dont see why he can do it and get away with it :mad:

hobo28

essexhoney wrote:

and that he had no income not even benefits so therefore couldnt pay anything

I'm sure the taxman would also be very interested. Plus the taxman has more teeth!

essexhoney

cor u lot are more evil than me i didnt think to do anymore about it lol how would i go about it if i dont know where he is working though?