fuming!

mustbedebtfree

Aww can't believe that your sister is treating you like this!

Does she realise how great and brave you are about all of this. And how helpful you are being able to help other people while still dealing with all your own BR issues! Every day you go out of your way to help someone in their time of need.:j

Can she say the same thing??

poppysarah

MicheH wrote: »

I have this little sister.. and she's small and very INSENSITIVE (or totally catty and out to make me feel even worse!)

Nasty, nasty, nasty.. not insensitve. nasty and i've had enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are no rules saying you have to stay in touch with your sister. You could politely tell her "Your words make me feel very sad and I don't feel able to listen to your insensitive comments at the moment" - or something like that .. Or just don't speak to her.

Sometimes families are the biggest pains in the world

mysterio_2

or you could tell her to !!!! off instead...

In_a_Mess_3

Aw Miche, that's not nice

Unfortunately some people in this world do derive pleasure from others misfortunes.

Try and rise above it, you (and the rest of us on here!) have had the guts to stand up and say we can't go on as we are and have taken action.

Chin up. xx

dollparts

korben556 wrote: »

I am so sorry that your sister sees her only way of validating herself is to pick on your misfortune.

This type of behaviour is I suspect based in jealousy of you - I know that sounds insane with what you have been through, but I speak from personal experience. I am about to go BC and HAD a friend that seemed to derive pleasure from my misery. Anyway turns out from talking to others that she has been jealous of me for many years, how nuts is that!?

Please do not let her get you down, it's her that has the problem and is unhappy with her lot, whatever the outward appearances.

Best wishes

Korben

I think this is as close to the truth as one could be. You're a determined person who has held her own and been very strong, gone through a bad situation and still have your sanity in tact and have taken the full advantage of the opportunity to rid yourself of the stress of debts and have are all the better for it.

Maybe you have survived too well for her liking and what she can't bear to see is that you are not down and out but humble enough to take what you have and still be happy.

There are many out there that envy strength of character moreover those who appear to have the perfect life.

You have the rare ability to appreciate the simple things in life. Making your Christmas decorations and grabbing your bargains. Seeing the health benefits of walking and not moaning because you can't get everywhere in a car.

Trust me there are many that wish they could be happy with that, but are so consumed with the next best thing they can't contemplate living a life so ordinary.

And that's where I believe her problem lies.

gj195

We can't choose our blood family, but we can choose a 'family' and you certainly have a family on here. I know that everyone on here takes time to help each other and that's been a god send to so many of us.

So here's to mine...no OUR family :beer: :j:j:j

Thank you all, you guys are the best x

dojoman

gj195 wrote: »

We can't choose our blood family, but we can choose a 'family' and you certainly have a family on here. I know that everyone on here takes time to help each other and that's been a god send to so many of us.

So here's to mine...no OUR family :beer: :j:j:j

Thank you all, you guys are the best x

Well said, my sentiments exactly...:T

MicheH

Thank you so much for all your words, so many different points of view about why she's acting the way she is and I believe you've helped me hit the nail on the head.. and dollparts you're always on the money with sister issues, you were so right the last time I aired on here about her and so right again now so don't worry about being frnak, it's what I need!

Here's where I am with it now and i've thought a fair deal about it.

It stems from being kids, my dad died when I was 10, I was closest to dad and sis closest to my mam. I felt very alone growing up because sis had mam and I had no one, she would lie about me get me into trouble off mam with those two being a pair and me not having any one. Growing up I thought of ways I could try to seem like I was ok on my own, didn't need my sis but subsequently became a bit of a loner. I spent much of my early teens with my head burried in mags and got myself into how to style myself on a shoe string and how to decorate my room to look cool - I have a very good sense of what looks right, what complements so i'm really greatful for those years.

Now i've always been chubby, size 14 sometimes a 16, i've brown hair - sis is slim, blond blue eyes and really quite pretty with it the only problem is she's clueless with how to dress etc and I think she has always struggled with how polished I could look even if I did need some make up. I think she's been going through her life resenting how I always seem to be polished and have confidence. Now she knows that i'm really down with the way my life is at the minute but still able to look good and not down and out she's using the emotional trampling to try to get her 'ontop' now.. and i'll be honest, I've always felt like I was better than her, i'm nicer, calmer, prettier inside, polite and kind, good, respectable career with special needs children and yeah I had the new house and the new car where she didn't but I never ever rubbed it in, I always wanted us to be close sisters and although it was never a competition, I did get satisfaction from being ontop as payback for my childhood and lack of sister to do things with.

I really want us to get on as sisters which is why I would never approach her about her comments, i'm frightened she'll just turn her back on me as the bond isn't very strong. She knows I have been desperate for her friendship growing up and she knows it's still the same now. We get on, we really do but we don't love each other as sisters should I don't think.

I have to accept that sis hasn't the intelligence or maturity to put aside the games and help me through this. It's down to jealousy, many of you are right and it's down to my own lack of confidence that I feel i'm below her in some way.. not any more - i'm back to making an effort with my clothes, make up. I've done it before on a shoe string i'll do it again, I'll drag myself up kicking and screaming and the odd trip to Primark

Thank you so much for your support - we do have a lovely little family here x

Nargleblast

Miche

Have you thought that your sister may be living in cloud cuckoo land, paying for everything on plastic, extending loans maybe? In other words she may be living beyond her means and you going BR is an uncomfortable reminder of where she could easily be....... One day she will reach the point where there is no more friendly bank manager extending the overdraft, or credit card company increasing the limit on the card.........then she will have her lightbulb moment and realise she is deep in the brown stuff. Whereas you by then could be out the other side of your bankruptcy and free of all debt and living a good life.

Of course, I may be wrong - she may be rolling in cash and have no debts. You usually find though that those who brag about their highspending lifestyle are usually paying for it on the never never. Just a thought from someone who is not actually bankrupt but who has debts which are being dealt with at last.

bugbabe1970

Hya, im kinda new here so hope you dont mind me posting to this.

Went through the same kind of thing with my sister when we went bankrupt in 01. My sister woul also make insensitive comments etc etc, and my mum would always excuse her by saying "Thats just the way she is".....so i kept my distance. Going through bankruptcy is a really difficult time anyway and i know i was very emotional at the time about losing my house etc so maybe i was a bit too sensitive to her comments anyway. But as i say rather than fall out with her i just kept my distance.

It does get easier and my husband and i have now fully recoverd from our bankruptcy and own our own house again. Youll get through it.

Oh and by the way, my sisters husband works for a big bank and his job is on the line, of course im not pleased about this, but at least now she knows a little of what i went through!! Karma is a wonderful thing.

Good luck x