Toddler screaming tantrums at bed time - help!

aberamanboy

Off to bed now so thanks to everyone who took the time to offer their opinions!

aberamanboy

Ruby_Moon wrote: »

Be nice to let me know how you get on
I do hope he settles as quickly as he unsettled!

Will do thanks...........bed now sorry.

hobo123

Hi Just wanted to say my daughter is in a very good routine like your son was before he was ill however anytime she is ill and is taken out of this routine (such as sleeping with us because she is vomiting in the night) she goes through a few nights where she really struggles to settle but we just do as we did to get her into the routine in the first place as long as we know she is not in pain etc we do the controlled crying thing and have all along. Now when she has been sick (shes 23 months now) she has a bit of a cry the first night when she is back to her normal routine and thats it.
But as everyone said you know him best hope it gets better soon

pandora205

Hi aberamanboy. I'm one of those so called professionals you think may have answers, though children are often a challenge for us too!

I think what has happened here is that you had a really effective night time routine that worked which was totally disrupted by the illness and hospital stay. So, bed (or cot) now has all sorts of other associations, such as feeling ill, being disturbed by bright lights and prods (or whatever nursing staff did) and lots of cuddles and attention at strange times from parents. This has now transferred to the home situation, despite the fact that none of these things is continuing.

Your old routine would eventually work again but it could take some time. It would be quicker to establish a new one with two aims: reducing anxiety and minimising attention after lights out time.

The first would be achieved by having a calming wind down time before sleep. The story idea is brilliant or at least book sharing at this age, using simple board/pop-up or large picture type books, combined with a cuddle upstairs rather than down after bathtime, followed by a goodnight. You could also introduce some relaxing music as when a new pattern is established, it will be a useful signal that sleep time in coming.

To withdraw attention, I'd suggest beginning by sitting next to the cot but not touching your son or speaking, until he drops off to sleep. If he cries, remain there and reassure him (say 'it's all right go to sleep', once or twice only) then withdraw eye contact but stay next to him. If he has become used to you picking him up he will not like this and will cry for some time on the first night or two, so you will need to persevere maybe for longer than the 20 minutes. Once he has fallen asleep like this, you can sit a little further away each night, until you are outside the door.

The received wisdom (though I never could track down research to support this) is that it takes 21 days to break a habit... so you could be in for an exhausting couple of weeks! If there are two of you (which I see there are) you will need to be in agreement with the plan and to support each other, maybe taking turns after a couple of nights, as it may well be exhausting. And think about rewarding yourselves when you get there each night, as you'll need a nice cup of tea/glass of wine and your own calming time.

Good luck ... it's very hard work but you will get there and possibly sooner than you expect.

KiKi

I agree with everyone else. He's gotten used to mummy being there all night - and let's face it, that's quite nice really, isn't it?! And then being at home in mummy and daddy's bed is a real novelty - why would he want to give that up?! Bless him!

The stay in hospital and broken sleep probably hasn't helped. It's also possible he's a bit scared of going back to his own room.

But I would stick out your routine; sounds like it was good for him before being ill, and you stuck to it, which is the most important thing. If he's crying, pausing, crying, pausing again, he's probably trying it on a bit, then listening out to see if you're coming!

I would stick to your guns for now. If he was really, truly distressed, I think you'd know. The fact that you've said he's having a tantrum suggests he's probably fine, and just trying it on since he's had the golden treatment whilst being ill!

Kids are so darn sneaky!

Best of luck, and glad to hear he's so much better now, that must be a relief for you.

KiKi

Buttonmoons

My daughter was the exact same last year at age 2, we all got a gastric bug around this time actually, and she had it the longest and ended up in our bed because of the vomiting (and I am so glad she was still in nappies as then to catch the diawoowoo!) and not only did that bug change her from eating normally, to a complete and utter pain in regards to eating, she also STILL wants to sleep in my bed. Most of the time she just accepts it's a no, but she has the gift of the gab now and makes up things like "But I have a hot head mum" I feel sick".....

I was a bit of a flake after she was ill and gave in for a bit, because well, I quite enjoy sleeping with her in bed, and I guess I'm a bit of a soft touch with the must sleep in your bed thing.

Just keep persevering, he's still young and should accept it, easily enough....(says me!)

ailuro2

I'd go for a new routine - he's coming up to the age when he'll really enjoy a bedtime story - make bed a good place to be, that's where he gets stories read to him before he goes to sleep.

When my DD got a little older we used to have variations on old favourites - in our case it was the three bears, and we used to have a baby bear who would get up to all sorts of tricks and we'd have a bit of a giggle at bedtime, never any problems apart from wanting another story - but of course books need to sleep too;).

claireac

It's easier to start a new routine than get back to an old one, as you've already found out!! Therefore I adjust your old routine slightly to take into account that he's upset.

For a little one he's been through a hell of an ordeal! No wonder he's upset...... He needs reassurance. I'm not one for leaving an upset child to cry it out (mum of 3 - 20, 18 & 3, nanny of 1 - 4mths), as personally I think it achieves little other than the tendency for them to think mummy or daddy don't come when I really need them. There is a difference between genuinely upset and playing on it - if he's upset, he needs you!

My youngest has always been the worst for bedtimes, and we did the withdrawing the attention method. I've sat on her bed and held her hand and then gradually moved away. Now at 3, she will ask to go to be if she's extra tired, otherwise it's milk and a cuddle on the sofa, two books in bed and off to sleep.

Good luck! Take it slowly.......