Toddler screaming tantrums at bed time - help!

aberamanboy

I'm new here but been lurking for years and never had the need to post anything, so hello to all regular users. Need some advice/opinions please.

My Son is 16 months old, we have stuck to a strict bed time routine from the start which envolves bath time at 19:00, bottle of milk and chill out on couch with Mum and Dad for about half an hour then straight to bed at 19:30. Since he has been in his own bedroom (since about 5 months old) we have taken him into his room, put him in his cot and tucked him in, turned the light off and left the room closing the door behind us. He has never had a problem with this and has always been more than happy to see his cot and rolled over and cuddled into his teddy and gone straight to sleep without even a wimper.

Last week we all came down with some sort of gastric bug which envolved vomiting a lot, he got so poorly that he had to be admitted to hospital because he was borderline dehidrated. They kept an eye on him for three days and he eventually started eating and drinking normally again. During the time he has been ill he has had lots of cuddles and reassurance, we have had to have him sleep in our room because he was vomitting during the night. Also, when in hospital, they would come into his room several times during the night and switch all the lights on to do their observation checks, waking him up in the process, his mother would always be there at his side.

He has been back to his usual self for about four days now, full of beans all day. However, for some reason, when putting him to bed he starts screaming histerically as soon as I pick him up off the couch to take him upstairs to bed, he has just screamed for 20 minutes before settling down. Only screamed for 2 or 3 minutes the last couple of days which didn't really concern me. I am wondering what is upsetting him so much now? Should I leave him for 20 minutes? If I go into his room when he has been wailing for more than a few minutes, surely he will cotton on to the fact that somebody will come and comfort him if he gets mad? Don't really know what to do for the best, please help!

P.S. His whole day and night routine went out the window the whole time he was ill, about 1 week, don't know if this is significant?

TIA!

SkintGypsy

I don't profess to be a baby whisperer, but they say it takes several days to make or break a habit, depending on how long its been going on. Sounds like your son has a new habit now!

Problem is, whilst I have always been quite strict with my daughter (now 4), I would be wary in this instance if he is maybe a little bit frightened still and needs extra re-assurance. I could alway tell when my baby was trying it on; she would cry then listen to see if someone was coming for her. If truly upset she wouldn't stop and would become hysterical. Can you tell a difference?

If he was alright and is becoming gradually worse I suspect he has cottoned on to the fact that you are sympathetic to his plight. People are all too quick to give small children the benefit of the doubt but they are sneaky!

jack*tigger

You could try adding a bedtime story to the routine. Read to him when he is quietly in his cot. It's not the story that is important but the fact that you are there in his room. Make sure he understands that he has to be good and quiet to get the story read. And if he starts screaming in the middle stop reading until he is quiet again.
If you try this let him choose the story himself from the library maybe. But don't read it until bedtime. Make it exciting and he'll forget to cry.

After being ill kids do associate certain situations with being ill. So maybe your little one thinks that he will be sick again in the night and that he'll have to go to hospital again.

Felicity

Sorry to hear you have had such a bad time of it.

A thought from me ... he is having a great cuddle time with Mummy and Daddy on the couch, who would want to give that up to go to bed all on their own?

I would advise not to come downstairs again after bath but to have stories in the bedroom and hope that will ease the transition into bed.

My son is 24 months and has always had the routine of tea, then straight up for bath with toys, out of the bath (picked up in big warm towel) and straight onto the bed for cuddles, into pj's, milk and stories then carried into his own bed. He doesn't get chance to run around on his own after he has come out of the bath and he knows he will be going straight into his own bed.

He will ask for more and more stories (ie try it on after we have finished) but we say, 'no more, BUT would you like to take your book to bed with you?' ie giving him a choice and he always says yes but promptly is zonked as soon as he is put down.

My son is VERY prone to tantrums but this routine has always ensured he goes straight up for bath, bed etc with no problems (touch wood, lol!).

fernliebee

My DD is 17 months and after being a brilliant sleeper from birth, she has recently started getting very stroppy at bedtime. We have found a CD story has really helped her to settle without crying too much. She loves the stories and talks about them all day, at night I say want to listen to tiddler (her fave CD) and she is happy to go upstairs and settle into bed (I let her press play button first) There are sometimes a few tears just when I leave but as soon as door is shut she is fine and you can hear her just singing to the songs bless her. I also had a very strict bedtime routine, and didn't want to get out of it, but didn't want her to be sad, as she did sound as if something was genuinely upset (or she has just learnt how to fake it better and I'm a mug! lol!) If it is that he is a bit scared rather than playing up, then I agree with the bedtime stories (DD has half an hour of books as part of her routine as she is a bookaholic!) just that for us the story tape is like a bit of company if you like, and seems to take the edge of the upset when we leave. HTH.

aberamanboy

Thanks very much for taking the time to reply. I am still undecided as to what to do! :eek:

He may be scared but he is pausing then screamin then pausing etc. TBH, the behaviour is so different to anything he has ever done before that I am finding it difficult to make a judjement and decide what to do

He is not old enough to understand that he must be quiet during a story, he just wants to rip the pages out of the book so I think that is a whole seperate kettle of fish that can keep for another day?

As I said earlier, he has never had a problem with this routine, we don't let him run around, just bath, pyjamas, milk, bed. Something has changed since he was ill, including a temporary change to his routine.

I was hoping that there ma be a professional (psychologist etc.) reading this thread that could offer their knowledge/experience?

Thanks again.
Any further thoughts are welcome, please keep them coming.

bylromarha

(((((HUGS)))))

Sounds like you've been through a really rough patch. You must be glad to be out the other side.

My thoughts:

Illness crackers the littlies-especially broken sleep in a hospital ward. Maybe he could do with an earlier bedtime as he's tired? My kids used to struggle to go to bed if they were too tired. Even now, my 5 yr old goes to bed at 6.30pm as he needs it.

Would agree to stay upstairs after bath time

After I stayed with my DD in hospital (18 months old) she was quite clingy (and I know what you mean about full lights on in the middle of the night!) -we found loading up a favourite toy with our kisses and cuddles for her to sleep with calmed her.

Would settle DS into bed and read whilst in bed. Be firm that you're going, will see him in the morning. I'd add a few carrots as well-you know what phrases and things he'll respond to best. Treats and bribery (trips to the park, cooking, stickers, watch a particular video) work wonders to break a habit and at 16 months, he'll understand that going to sleep calmly in his room at night will get him some lovely things the next day.

All the best-and keep on keeping on. It's tough, but you'll get there.

jack*tigger

Trust me the advise you get from other parents and your own gut instincts about your child are probably more valuable than a professionals opinion.
And I don't say that professionals aren't good at their jobs. But my boss is a psychologist and she has tantruming 3 year old twins. She takes advise from all her friends who have kids and applies what fits to her kids.

Ruby_Moon

There was nothing wrong with your routine before he went into hospital so just take yourselves back to following that routine and don't go away from that.
When he cries he is wanting your attention the same way as he began to get attention in hospital. You mustn't give into this demand for attention.
You know he is clean/safe/warm/fed so there is nothing wrong. If you feel you need to go to him, lay him back down and go out of the room again closing the door but don't speak to him as that is still attention.
He will be fine within 3/4 days.

ETA. I am a professional parent and grandparent and am 95% more 'qualified' to offer you advise than my friends daughter who has just completed her training as child pyschologist.

aberamanboy

Ruby_Moon wrote: »

There was nothing wrong with your routine before he went into hospital so just take yourselves back to following that routine and don't go away from that.
When he cries he is wanting your attention the same way as he began to get attention in hospital. You mustn't give into this demand for attention.
You know he is clean/safe/warm/fed so there is nothing wrong. If you feel you need to go to him, lay him back down and go out of the room again closing the door but don't speak to him as that is still attention.
He will be fine within 3/4 days.

ETA. I am a professional parent and grandparent and am 95% more 'qualified' to offer you advise than my friends daughter who has just completed her training as child pyschologist.

Thanks for this. I think this is the line of thinking that I most agree with, always reassuring to know that other people are like-minded. I think I'll stick it out 'til next weekend and see what happens before changing anything.

Ruby_Moon

aberamanboy wrote: »

Thanks for this. I think this is the line of thinking that I most agree with, always reassuring to know that other people are like-minded. I think I'll stick it out 'til next weekend and see what happens before changing anything.

Be nice to let me know how you get on
I do hope he settles as quickly as he unsettled!