Any reassurance for MASSIVE debt?

Jezebel49

Hi All,
DO feel better just having some people out there who seem to know what it's like..wow, I was feeling like I was totally alone and no-one could possibly be in an even vaguely similar situation.
Doing the SOA was a bit sobering, as were some of the responses. I know people were giving advice, but it came across in my sensitive state as a bit of a 'tut-tut how can you spend so much!' You have to remember that until last Weds I THOUGHT I had a comfortable lifestyle and didn't have to worry about how much I spent. The fact that I have to account for every penny is a shock as well as everything else.
Re Teaching Union subs - I am part time, but do 0.6 of a timetable, which just tips me into the full subscription level of my union. I see a union sub as essential to my job, because of the legal backup, which in this day and age is a neccessity, and should I be at the wrong end of a lawsuit, would end up paying a hell of a lot more than £20 a month.
As far as the other expenditure goes - I didn't make it clear that we have a 3 year old, but every weekend we also have my husband's children from his first marriage - so there are 5 of us to feed, etc. Don't know if payplan will take this into account?
Quite relieved with the levels payplan and others seem to set. I am due to go back to full-time work in Sept 2007, and hubby has said he is going to do extra tuition in the evenings and weekends, so this is the lowest our income level will be......which hopefully means that the debt will be cleared within 15 years....God, can't believe I just wrote that! Still an element of the bizarre in all this. Have also insisted that we go for marriage guidance counselling as I can't actually begin to contemplate the deception side of things. Hubby is so relieved to get it all out in the open that he'll agree to anything at the moment.
Thanks for listening again!
Jez

Emmzi

Jez,

it can seem like you are alone. If any of your friends were in the same position, they probably wouldn;t talk about it.

You're anonymous here. Use the board to offload whatever you need to. It's one of the safest places you'll find to talk and get support.

nadnad

sorry jez if any of our replies came across as harsh, i'm sure they weren't meant to be.

with regards your husband - he has done a terrible thing in not telling you about the debt until now, however there have been posts here in the past where people in your husband's position have posted saying that they are in debt and frightened but don't know how to tell their other half, and the longer it goes on the worse it gets. I know its difficult to see past the lies he's been telling you but maybe some of that was to protect you, and maybe he didn't want to let you down. Its good that you are going to counselling and its good that hes happy to go - it shows that he understands the enormity of things and also shows that he obviously wants to work at your marriage. Obviously I don't know the ins and outs but I just wanted to say good for you for trying to sort yourselves out - together as a couple, and when the debt problems are sorted if you have stuck it out together then you'll be all the stronger for it.

you seem like a very strong, together sensible lady and i'm sure its all going to work out for you.

keep posting and keep us informed. hugs to you.

Sea78

hi,

So glad things are feeling a little brighter now. I can understand how we might have come across as being a bit like that - it's just our eagerness to help! I felt just like that too and I'd had LOT more awareness of the debt/problem, and for a lot longer, than you have had and it was down to me not my OH. Good luck with it all and also with the counselling - it's bad that he hid it for so long - at least it's all out there for discussion now.

Wishing you the best

Sea xx

susiesaver

Good to hear you are feeling more positive. I told you the folk on here would help, they are great aren't they?

In_Search_Of_Me

Morning Jez! Good that you're feeling a bit better. People dont meant to sound tuttutty I guess that there are so many posts that people may sometimes not realise how it comes accross!! (me included!). Really pleased that you are going for marriage guidance and truely hope that this will be the best thing that happened to you in that it will bring you closer...am sure that he feels a huge weight lifted and feels much better knowing that the secrts out...You will also soon learn that actually the lifesty;e that you lead before was probably (like all of ours post "lighbulb"!!) quite wasteful...when I think of spending over £200 on face cream (that is still sitting there & about to be binned!!) it makes me shudder but I did it without a thought! You will also appreciate the little things in life more & will take enormouse pleasure out of little things rather than spending thousands on things that gave little satisfaction! know its hard but you are both well on the way to sorting things. I'd be interested to know what payplan say about the best way foreward...keep posting & another big squidgy hug from me for you both...