Any reassurance for MASSIVE debt?

In_Search_Of_Me

Just saw this & wanted to send you an enormous hug. It's bad enough when its your debt without someone else accumilating it with all those feelings of betrayal & anger that you must feel. Is your husband now being honest with you? He needs to address where the money went (gambling/shopping....?) and how he is going to stop this excessive spending. Is the house in joint names & do you own it & are any of the loans secured on propertywould be a good question to start with, although payplan will advise you with that too? It would help people if you can post your statement of affairs so that people can make suggestions on where you can cut back initially. You've done the right thing phoning payplan & are on the right track (some awful sharks out there just waiting for vulnerable people such as you). Feel free to post just about how you feel & what people can suggest to help. What are your most immediate concerns etc so that people can support you emotionally if nothing else...Huge Hug!

LJD1_2

Hiya
I just wanted to add my support. People on here are so helpful whatever the size of your debt and it's nice to know there's a place we can come to vent, to get upset and to laugh about lifes upsets! Big hugs to you, like someone's already said, you've taken the hardest step.
Take great care of yourself xx

all_hours

Hi Jezebel49,

I wanted to offer a word of support too. you've just found out about the situation so it will be a shock. try not to worry you'll get plenty of advice here and the posters here are tremendously supportive.

as others have said if you post your soa people will be able to give suggestions for cutting back.

*Sparkle*_3

Hello

Sorry to hear about your situation and to let you know your not alone, sounds like you've done the right thing by contacting payplan, well done.
I would suggest that perhaps you take over all the money handling, and only pay for things in cash and not to use cards.
you need to do a budget for things like food etc, we can help on here to like trying to reduce your outgoings eg.gas electric,etc

I wish you and your family the best of luck and dont forget to visit us regular, it really does help

Jezebel49

fishface-69 wrote:

Just saw this & wanted to send you an enormous hug. It's bad enough when its your debt without someone else accumilating it with all those feelings of betrayal & anger that you must feel. Is your husband now being honest with you? He needs to address where the money went (gambling/shopping....?) and how he is going to stop this excessive spending. Is the house in joint names & do you own it & are any of the loans secured on propertywould be a good question to start with, although payplan will advise you with that too? It would help people if you can post your statement of affairs so that people can make suggestions on where you can cut back initially. You've done the right thing phoning payplan & are on the right track (some awful sharks out there just waiting for vulnerable people such as you). Feel free to post just about how you feel & what people can suggest to help. What are your most immediate concerns etc so that people can support you emotionally if nothing else...Huge Hug!

Many thanks - you seem to understand my emotional dilemma perfectly - IE is this the final amount and where has all that money gone???(have asked about a hundred times since Weds whether it is online betting/secret family/drink/drugs......). If I can trust him at all, he says it all started with his previous divorce, when he ended up leaving the marital home and continued paying all the bills for 2 years as well as trying to set up on his own, then the divorce settlement in which he agreed to a big payout to his ex wife so she could stay in that home (which is naturally about three times the size of ours!). I really don't think that the spending has been excessive since then - certainly not in terms of our life togther - last foreign holiday was in 2002, smallish terraced house, 2 cars both 10 years old - so unless he has got a secret life (beyond just the debts) I don't think a wild lifestyle is to blame.

The house is jointly owned, about £50,000 equity in it, but with a mortgage of £150,000. I certainly don't earn enough to buy him out (whether in a divorce proceeding or not). We don't earn enough jointly to get a much bigger mortgage to release some of the equity.

I am pinning my hopes on Payplan, and thanks to those of you who have reported success with them - hadn't even heard of them til yesterday!

Thanks so much for your support and honesty today - it is making a real difference to an all time emotional low for me.

Jez

homersimpson_3

First of all debts can be dvided into (1) priority debts and (2) non priority debts- priority debts get paid first. prioirity debts include mortgage (because it's your home), gas, electricity, water rates, clothing, food and council tax (not paying council is a criminal offence) etc. Credit card debts are non priority debts (i.e. you have to live before you start paying them back- they can wait for the moment).
Don't be intimidated by credit cards companies- you have rights too. look at office of fair trading website and websites for other free agencies e.g. citizens advice bureau, payplan and consumer credit counselling service. don't go to one of the debt management companies- you're just paying for same thing and the amount you pay them can be targeted towards debts.
the most proactive thing you can do is prepare a statement of affairs- i.e. list of income and outgoings. Post it on here and usually someone will come up with a way of saving some money. Payplan will need this to send to creditors anyway so you'll have to do it. I've saved tonnes just by reading and copying the suggestions others have made to other posters. the advice is sound-
Payplan (reading from entries on this forum) have figures for how much they think you need for food etc and these figures tend to quite generours. i have read of cases where people live on less and use some of the excess to pay for other things (e.g. birthday presents).
To say you've had a shock is an understatement so be gentle on yourself.It will take time to adjust but there is support available and you're not on your own.



e.g. Income
Income (Myself ) £x
Income (Partner) £x
Benefits £x
Total


Outgoings
Mortgage £y
Gas £y etc
Total

Savings (if any)
(Bank 1) £b
(Bank 2)
Total

Debts

(Name of co) - APR and if 0% date that end - Amount Outstanding - Min payment

Total

shazzer22

hey hun...big hugs to you at the moment! No matter what happens remember that you have your health and your happiness to take care of too (and your daughters) It will be hard going from now on in and I'm sure there will be a few more shocks and tears along the way.

As someone once said (forgive me I cant remember who!) "What doesnt kill you makes you stronger."

Keep coming back here, there really is lots of help, support and words of wisdom.

john_kent

You are at the start of a long path. And at this point your still in shock.

You need to tackle this now

My plan of attacks was as follwos but this may not work for you

1) Cut up all cards apart from bank account card
2) Cancel all direct debits apart from priortys (Mortgage and utilities)
3) Go and get proper advise. i went to CCCS and they were excellant for me
4) Start looking ta your life style. What do you spend on. Can you cut back. People on here are very helpful on best deals for phones etc........

The next three months will cause arguments and stress , but believe me , you will sleep better once you start tackling this debt. Always stand your ground. I am 3 months into sorting my debt out. And only just finished agreeing terms with creditors. I now sleep at night and am pretty chilled and less confrontational to others. My life has turne d360 degrees and yours will to. In a few months , you will actually be thinking "Ooo thats expensive ill make/do/repair it myself" as opposed to the "I got the card lets put it on that" attitude.

Good luck and everyone here is here to help and most have been under similar stress and debt

OberonSH

Hi, just wanted to add my big fat virtual hug. I'm guessing you're feeling pretty upset right now, not only have you suddenly found out that you're in a huge amount of debt, but that hubby has been lying to you.

Welcome to the board, you'll find some excellent advie here, and I'm guessing you'll become an addict in the next few months, just like most of us.

You really do need to sit donw and put it all on paper - what comes in, what goes out etc. It's really really scary, but once you've done it it'll feel so much better, because you'll be doing something about it.

My plan of attck once I got my head out my....... um..... out the sand was to look at cutting money going out, and getting more money in. DD and I are currently eating out th freezer (amazing what you have in there when you look) and I'm ebaying and amazoning like crazy. Less to dust and a bit of cash - can't be bad.

First of all though, I'd take some time out, cos you've had a terrble shock. Pop over to the freebie board and order yourself some free teabags from Yorky tea. Then make a cuppa and have a sitdown. Debt isn't the end of the world, though it can sometimesfeel like it. You will get through this, and one day you'll owe nothing at all.

tesuhoha

I too wish you good luck. I think its all been said in as far as it can at the moment but you might like to have a rummage around to see if there is anything you can sell on ebay. It does mount up when you sell bits and pieces and you find you can make a payment of one of those ccs which however small, makes you feel like youre doing something towards it.