The Ultimate Incentive proposed! Time for an ultimate challenge...

bails

ooh no Cinny, Mars Bars go in the freezer and are then cut up into little slices on a plate...:o:confused: My mum taught me this!

Now I have to go back and find out what No 5 was...:rotfl:

5 years Wendz? I was a little 'hmpf, he don't love me' after 4, but then I am an old biddy too, didn't want to be a Frankenstein bride :rotfl:

Whenever he does ask you it's going to be SO exciting! Hey, maybe he wants to but you keep mentioning it so he puts it off again?...

Oh oh, pony for me too please Cinny!

And STILL forgot to say - my WI on Sunday was 2.2lbs on Dinah but no surprise there with weird TOTM! Hopefully all back on track by next week...

Poolie

Dinah93 wrote: »

Probably more for Poolie as it seems geared towards the lads pleasing their missus, but how sweet are some of these?!

What you trying to say Dinah! Have you been speaking to Mrs Poolie?

Some of those are sweet while some are sickly!

wendz86

I don't tend to bring it up , he does so is annoying!

I ruined another surprise today. I came home and told him I am going out with work tomorrow and he was like well you have ruined my surprise then, I had booked a meal out for tomorrow. I felt majorly guilty. Anyway turns out he hasn't booked a meal but he was planning on it. He said he is going to book something for next week now for our anniversary which will be nice!

clearmydebts

I couldn't get past number 5. They are sick! I hate being told how to 'be romantic'. To be honest you don't need much imagination to be romantic with your partner!

My OH is romantic but not in a cheesy way. On Sat he came back from town with a beautiful silver box and had filled it with things for our holiday, such as a DS game, inflatable cushion so my neck doesn't get sore on the plane etc etc. He also bought me a baeutiful baby journal and wrote a card. I won't go into what he said but that was the nicest bit of the present.

I think being romantic is about gestures, but I prefer the everyday ones such as buying a bar of chocolate, or running a bath, giving a massage etc. They are the ones that are sustainable

Dinah - don't blame you for being annoyed with NIM's Dad. I think he should put his money where his mouth is and just give you both a cheque. Why does he feel he should be consulted at every stage? It's not really any of his business and as long as you stay in the house for a while any negative equity that you might accrue will be gone by the time you sell. Especially with you at the helm Dinah!

N.I.M

clearmydebts wrote: »

Why does he feel he should be consulted at every stage?

First off he doesnt feel he should be consulted at every stage. And even if he did considering the amount of money he will be giving us, which he has worked incredibly hard for and the only reason its coming our way is by accident of birth as he could just as easily be a pauper without a penny to his name and not be in a possition to gift us this amount of money, I think its perfectly acceptable for him to have more than 15 minutes to look at the property on the week he is doing all of his end of year tax stuff and working about 80 hours considering his birthday is in the middle of it.

Yes we've been careful and yes Dinah has done INCREDIBLE amounts of work on finding this place and yes the decision on where we live is down to us but the money isnt ours and I dont see why he is wrong for not throwing a £26,000 deposit plus however much more for repairs / works to the house without so much as a by your leave.

Am I out of line in thinking that he should be entitled to decide whether or not he wants to give us that amount of money this quickly? We first viewed the house on saturday, I emailed him on the monday, its now wednesday, the fact that he has even spoken to me about it is amazing considering how busy he is.

Dinah93

No one called him that, certainly not me, but while I can understand he doesn't want us getting in the mire, but its our mistake to make, or not, and I feel like I know the area better than he ever could given his location, so why can't he trust NIMs judgement that this isn't a crazy idea and actually we've tried to pick the most sensible, risk averse property going to suit our situation. I feel like I have no say in a decision that will directly affect the next 5-10 years of my life.

bails

Guys, as someone who has been in exactly the same position as you, here's my opinion (and it is only my opinion).

First of all, this is a MASSIVE deal, for everyone. It's your first house together, the home where you plan to spend the first years of married life and start a family. Picking the right 'space' is incredibly important. Equally, NIM's dad has worked very hard for the money he now wants to gift you and wants to be able to give you the best start to married life he can. Actually, you all want the same thing, which is important to remember.

There are no sides to this, just the best way to a happy solution for all. Rather than feeling NIM's dad is questioning his judgment, see it as him caring about your future too. He's not literally saying 'No you can't have the money if you buy this house' is he, more working through the pros and cons of the place with you. Of course you know the area much better than him Dinah, which is why he's asking questions to help him understand.

Although I completely understand not wanting a gift that feels as if it's coming with conditions, imagine saving hard for however long for 26k and then simply handing it over, no questions asked. It would be SO difficult to do, and incredibly hard not to have some attachment to that money still.

If I'm being brutally honest here, if you feel like me, we'd like the money without the dependency taking it creates. It is frustrating not to be able to stand on your own two feet and not need this help. But that's unfortunately how life is right now; most young people can't afford to buy a house on their own.

It all seems to be happening very quickly and this perhaps isn't helping, especially with NIM's dad being so busy right now. Give him some time to get his head round things and I'm sure you'll be able to work it out. I understand you are excited about this house and all the potential it has to improve your lives together, especially after being apart for so long and now living with your mum Dinah; I know all this. If being a little patient brings you what you want, it will be worth the extra wait.

You have this great opportunity to move out and have your own place. 26k is a huge amount of money, a very generous helping hand when you both need it. Don't let pride get in the way of what's important here; family and your first home xx

clearmydebts

N.I.M wrote: »

First off he doesnt feel he should be consulted at every stage. And even if he did considering the amount of money he will be giving us, which he has worked incredibly hard for and the only reason its coming our way is by accident of birth as he could just as easily be a pauper without a penny to his name and not be in a possition to gift us this amount of money, I think its perfectly acceptable for him to have more than 15 minutes to look at the property on the week he is doing all of his end of year tax stuff and working about 80 hours considering his birthday is in the middle of it.

Yes we've been careful and yes Dinah has done INCREDIBLE amounts of work on finding this place and yes the decision on where we live is down to us but the money isnt ours and I dont see why he is wrong for not throwing a £26,000 deposit plus however much more for repairs / works to the house without so much as a by your leave.

Am I out of line in thinking that he should be entitled to decide whether or not he wants to give us that amount of money this quickly? We first viewed the house on saturday, I emailed him on the monday, its now wednesday, the fact that he has even spoken to me about it is amazing considering how busy he is.

I agree that it is an incredibly generous gift but my point was, if he has agreed to give a gift why can't he just give you the cheque and let you both make your own decisions/mistakes.

I have personal experience on this as we were given a larger sum than this figure for our wedding/house due to a land sale. It was just given and yes we did make mistakes money wise (including investing most of it when the shares went bust) but are much wiser for it now and have some of it invested where we can't touch it and it is safe.

I'm sure your Dad has worked very very hard for the money but either he is going to give it as a gift or not? I'm not saying that he should transfer it over staright away as it has come about very quickly but am I not right in saying that if someone has decided to give a gift, then it should be just given to the couple without any conditions?

Dinah93

NIM and I stayed up talking last night for half an hour, and I think we've come to understand one another position a bit better. I haven't spoken to NIMs dad, NIM is giving him all this second hand information, missing out things that I think are important, and I feel like hes making a decision with only half the facts. So NIM suggested I write him an email explaining our reasoning for not only this house, but for buying now at all. So that's what I'm going to be doing today. Then I will feel like he has all the information, and I can actually give it a week or so before I start getting het up again that we need to be getting a move on. Part of the reason I am so impatient is the end to stamp duty relief, and also it is a LOT of work, it would need a planning application before we could start, which takes two months, so I feel that the timescale to get it done before the wedding is pretty tight.

clearmydebts

Dinah93 wrote: »

NIM and I stayed up talking last night for half an hour, and I think we've come to understand one another position a bit better. I haven't spoken to NIMs dad, NIM is giving him all this second hand information, missing out things that I think are important, and I feel like hes making a decision with only half the facts. So NIM suggested I write him an email explaining our reasoning for not only this house, but for buying now at all. So that's what I'm going to be doing today. Then I will feel like he has all the information, and I can actually give it a week or so before I start getting het up again that we need to be getting a move on. Part of the reason I am so impatient is the end to stamp duty relief, and also it is a LOT of work, it would need a planning application before we could start, which takes two months, so I feel that the timescale to get it done before the wedding is pretty tight.

I think it is great that you both have come to a decision about what to do.

I still don't understand why you have to justify why you are buying now if it is meant to be a gift. To me a gift (no matter how large) is given without conditions and the receiver can choose to do with it what they want.

Maybe the timescale is bothering NIM's dad, as it is moving quite quickly. Would it be an idea to forget about this house and decide a date when NIM's dad will transfer the money. That way you can do what you want with it and act quickly if you see another place?