Continue living with mum or not?

TheEffect

I'm on a gap year (I'm 18) and off to my local university in September 2010 (hopefully). I have a few reasons for going to my local university, including being allowed to work around my university hours with my current job, and having a disability meaning I can't drive and therefore will be harder to travel etc.

However, even though I love 5 minutes bus journey from the local university, I'm still thinking of living in at the university, which is £90 a week. I've got mixed comments on this. My mother thinks it's stupid and I should stay living with her, saving the £90 a week, however I feel it will help me grow up a little and give me some independence, living on my own, even if it is 5 minutes from my mums house.

Is it a good/bad idea?

Oldernotwiser

Have you budgeted for only getting the living at home rate if your family home is so close?

choille

It is a lot of money. You've plenty of time to decide - nearly a year. I'd play it by ear over the next 6 months or so & decide then.

TheEffect

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Have you budgeted for only getting the living at home rate if your family home is so close?

You still get a lower-rate loan even if you live in at a university near you? :eek:

daska

Yes, it will be cheaper to live at home. Yes it will be good for you to experience a little more independence. I'm guessing your mum might be also feeling a little bit anxious - baby bird about to fly the nest etc...

Get in touch with the student union and check what loans/grants you're entitled to. Get advice from the CAB etc. Check whether your disability entitles you to any additional benefits (DLA?) Then when you have enough information sit down and work out exactly what you can afford. (Remember to factor in the saving on bus fares ) Once you know whether you can afford to live in, then you can make an informed decision.

Savvy_Sue

I think, even if you stay living at home, you should aim for increased independence. For example, working out with your mum what's a reasonable contribution to the household, based on what loan you're getting, what costs are, what other income there is.

Then there's generally playing a bigger part in running the household. I don't know how limiting your disability is, but if independent living is possible then clearly you can (and should) help with shopping, cooking, cleaning and other household tasks. Again, working out what's reasonable - and that may be more than your mother wants!

Mine have always started doing their own laundry from 6th form onwards, for example. I usually do the 'big' shops, but now DS1 is back from Uni I expect him to keep an eye on what we're running out of, and sort it - bread, milk etc. He'll cook on request, especially on the nights he's going out early and I'm coming in late.

So even if your mother has waited on you (and everyone else, not sure what your 'household' consists of) hand and foot, and would like to continue doing so, you need to make a bid for learning how to do it yourself.

Then maybe she'll feel happier about you going it alone another year. Which I also think would be a good thing ...

funky_snow

I really think this comes down to a financial decision for you. Even though I assume you'd pay 'board' to your mum - its bound to be a much cheaper option than living out.
Also think about whether you want to live out for all 3 years... First year might be a good year to live out - make new friends - party time (well it was for me!). And it is a 'safe' way to leave home!
There were times in my final year when I would have loved to have the peace and quiet of home rather than the continued chaos of student life with people who didn't give a damn about their results!
Maybe it would work to live in halls/student residences in year 1, but move back home for years2 and 3 when your friends need to find private digs.
I would put my name down now - to ensure you are on the uni accomodation lists but don't make a final decision yet. And you can decide about year 2 and 3 once you've got the first year out of the way...

Pee

If you start paying board to your Mum, then you need the chance at sheltered independent living that University provides.

I think you will miss out on a lot living at home. Living away during student years is not really leaving home, it's a playing at leaving home that makes the actual leaving easier for you and your Mum.

What do you imagine your life at Uni to be like? Do you want to have a room to bring friends back to, to listen to music, to have a few drinks and will this be possible living with your Mum?

It is very likely that after University you will be living back at home - statistically likely, that is - and my concern is that if you don't make a break now, you will find it much harder in the future.

Oldernotwiser

TheEffect wrote: »

You still get a lower-rate loan even if you live in at a university near you? :eek:

That certainly used to be the case, I'll try to check whether it still is.

Tom1234

funky_snow wrote: »

Also think about whether you want to live out for all 3 years... First year might be a good year to live out - make new friends - party time (well it was for me!). And it is a 'safe' way to leave home!

Totally agree. I'd be looking to stay out in first year, make those friends, establish independance, then decide on the next years afterwards once you have some experience of it.

Lunar_Eclipse

funky_snow wrote: »

Even though I assume you'd pay 'board' to your mum - its bound to be a much cheaper option than living out.

I agree living at home will be cheaper, but would never assume a student would pay board to their parents. I know some families are not able to provide free food to their children once they become adults and thus do what they need to do to get by, but I'm also fairly sure that children in full time education are considered to be financially dependent on their parents.

So unless we were living in poverty, I would not charge nor accept board from my children whilst still in education. I would want to be doing everything I could to give them the best start in life, debt included. I know I am fairly unique in this thinking on this board, but having had a Grandparent make it through university when loans were not freely available, I like the way families used to avoid debt at all costs (too proud), working together with very little, for mutual support and benefit. Perhaps it's simply different parental based expectations of where financial dependency ends (& lifestyle choices, sacrifice for kids etc), which could be shaped by their own upbringing.

In the OP's shoes, I would probably opt to stay at home at least initially, but building in independence as another poster suggested. You could always choose to move out at a later date, final year perhaps. If your home life is good, you can still fully participate in university life whilst keeping costs down.