Son playing truant

familyof4_3

I've just come home from work unwell and found my 12 year old son at home (he has his own house key). He's meant to be at school

His excuse was "I came home for lunch" - I knew that wasn't true.
When pushed (because I discovered he's switched the house alarm off at 11:10) he said "I came home because I forgot my homework". but there was no indication of him going back to school - he'd settled himself down quite nicely in front of the TV.

He's average intelligent so not struggling with the work but typically lazy.

I'm angry / upset / stressed. What have I done wrong?

Do I phone the school and mention to them or should they be phoning me to say he's missed classes? I want the school to know I don't condone this behaviour and he'll be punished (no playstation/tv etc for a few days). I also want to find out if this has happened before.

Taking the key away won't solve the problem because then I'll worry that he's roaming the streets.

What do I do to make sure this doesn't happen again???

minerva_windsong

My first thought was that he might be being bullied and might be skipping school as a means of avoiding that.

I think you should ring the school and ask them quietly to keep an eye on him.

mumslave

Firstly i would have a cuppa, and come up with an action plan.

Find out from your son, calmly, is this has happened before and why. There are lots of reasons for skiving off school from feeling unable to keep up with the work and bullying, to just not going. I wouldnt contact the school till you have clear reasons, in case you need to speak with them about some help for your son, should it be the case.

Secondly, its better that he is at home than out on the streets. It may be that the shock of being caught will be enough to stop him trying again, other than that you are going to have to ask the school to monitor him, and phone you if he doesnt appear in his classes.

I do think most kids play truant at some stage, hopefully you will be able to nip it in the bud.

Tom1234

I would sit down and speak to him, try to get to the underlying reason for the truanting. Explain that you're not happy with it, and you'll be speaking to the school to ensure that he's there and in class weekly in future.

I'd give the school a ring too, and make them aware that you'll be getting in touch regularly to keep up to date on this.

Be aware that if there is a bullying problem or the like, he may be reluctant to discuss with you.

tiamai_d

There doesn't have to be a reason behind it, it's fun to bunk off at times. Not that I am condoning it. If it is an isolated incident then I'd just let him know he has been well and truely caught and that if it happens again etc.

You can call the school and see if it is a regular thing, if it is then it's a different story. Why is he doing it? Is it one particular class? I bunked off maths because I had been put into a lower class due to a disagreement with a teacher and didn't see the point in going to sit in a class with idiots. French, I just hated and biology I could turn up to once a week and still stay ahead of the rest of the class (I was so clever eh? not clever enough to actually buckle down though).

As a compulsive traunt, I can only advise you to make it stop, it's an easy habit to fall into and sadly if it happens all the time, the school stops caring and at that age you don't think how it will affect your future. I only I could go back :rolleyes:

familyof4_3

Thanks everyone - I appreciate the replies.

Dragged him back this afternoon and stood there watching him to make sure he went in. He seemed quite happy to go so I don't think it's bullying (but you never know do you).

Will have a proper sit down with hubby & him tonight to try and get to the bottom of it and might call the guidance teacher tomorrow.

I hope it doesn't just go in one ear and out the other

claireac

Well done for taking him back, exactly the right thing to do!!

Crafty little things aren't they?! My 2nd son did this a couple of times, and stupidly got caught both times. You'd think he would have learnt.

I'd check there are no underlying problems such as bullying, struggling with the work etc and go from there.

Savvy_Sue

familyof4 wrote: »

Do I phone the school and mention to them or should they be phoning me to say he's missed classes? I want the school to know I don't condone this behaviour and he'll be punished (no playstation/tv etc for a few days). I also want to find out if this has happened before.

I would most definitely phone the school and ask why they hadn't noticed and been in touch!

familyof4 wrote: »

and might call the guidance teacher tomorrow.

See above ...

eamon

Hopefully its a once only occasion. But you need to nip it in the bud & quickly. Talk to the school as well. When you have all the information you can make better and more informed decisions. Best of luck

Mojisola

If it is a regular thing and the school hasn't realised he's ben missing, I'd be worried. If it's a regular thing and the school hasn't been in touch with you about it, I'd be worried.

By now you should have heard his explanation but I would also talk to the school.

Oldernotwiser

Talking to the school may be more useful than talking to your son - at least they'll tell you the truth!

Seriously, get all the facts first otherwise you may have to listen to a lot of BS.