I want to cancel my Power of Attorney and change it.

Mojisola

Biggles wrote: »

I used to send quarterly statements of all transactions and balances of bank and investment accounts to my siblings so they could see what the state of play was. This element of involvement seemed to work very well and I recommend it to you.

This is good advice - but do just that, send the statements, don't get into discussions about individual payments. Keep on with the "broken record" - "Mum wanted me to take care of her affairs because she knew I would do what she wanted".

Don't let them get you down!

Catiecat_2

First of all, I think you are doing an amazing job.

I have walked a mile in your shoes, my mother died of Alzheimers'.

Your mother appointed you POA for a reason, she trusted you, enough said.

With regard to the POA, I was advised when it came to gifts etc., that if mum would normally give this or that, then it was perfectly fine for me to continue to do so on her behalf.

I am sure you have been advised, that once your mum's home has been sold, you will be expected by SS to repay the cost of her nursing home from the sale, and the to continue to pay the nursing home fees until her savings have reached a certain amount (I cannot remember what that amount is, my mum died whilst still fully funding herself from the sale of her home). Just one word of caution, please do check the the NH fees will be paid in full by SS once the profit from the sale of your mum's home has reached that level where she is not expected to pay for herself. If they wont pay it all, you will be expected to pay the differance.

Keep doing what you are doing, you are acting out your mum's wishes.

googler

Some sound advice in the last few posts especially.

STAY STRONG and don't let your siblings and their 'barrister' mess you about. If you arranged the POA for your Mum via a solicitor, then get your solicitor to talk to this 'barrister' rather than fielding enquiries from him yourself.

I doubt very much this 'barrister' will do very much without your siblings hiring him, and more importantly - PAYING him - and it sounds like they'r eunlikely to do that......

Savvy_Sue

If you get any more aggro, would your uncle agree to send an official solicitor's letter, maybe from one of his colleagues, requesting that any correspondence be sent to them not you?

OR would they take note if he sent a friendly letter as himself, IYSWIM, pointing out that you appear to be acting entirely correctly, but if you have to seek professional advice to deal with their questioning it's going to make serious inroads into your mother's money.

It would be worth reminding them every time these questions are raised that they had their chance to object AND THEY DID NOT DO SO.

morag1202

First off, I too think you are doing an amazing job and should not step asise. It is what your mum wanted.

Secondly, I would write to them stating that they can apply to the Court to be appointed at their own expense because they turned down the chance to act when the POA was drawn up. Also tell them that you will step down after they are appointed because you do not intend to work with them, but that you will not step down sooner and leave your mother unprotected.

I doubt very much if they will do anything about it. I also doubt that the Public Guardian would sanction your mum's money being used for this.

Good luck and stay strong.

SuzanneB_2

Thanks so much for your replies.

Made the call to the Office of Public Guardianship and they have confirmed what a lot of you have said. In no way can the POA be changed now it's signed sealed and sorted as far as they are concerned. Even if I became ill and could not continue it has to be handled by me. The lady didn't really have any idea of what document I could possibly be asked to sign and suggested I make sure I know what I am signing for. I'm signing nothing.

Now if I wanted to it's actually easy to get yourself off POA. They have a form you can fill in and you send it back to them with the origional POA form and thats that. But of course it is not because morally I cannot leave my Mum in limbo with her care home fee's unpaid, her home stood empty and unsaleable as it takes the year and a lot of expense for my Sister to apply for POA for herself and my Brother. I can't do that.

So now that it's been confirmed that it can't be changed I will know I have to stick to my guns. And yes I always said that if they wanted I would send monthly statements of what her expenses are and already today I have kept the recipt for the cigarettes I have bought Mum. Tomorrow I'm off into town to get myself a good book to keep a clear record and guess what Screw them!

I believe in Ying and Yang or more basically "you'll get yours" lol. I also have kids so they see how I treat my Mum, and Dad, if I did wrong by my Mum then what lesson am I teaching my kid?

So thanks again and for those who haven't had to face this sort of thing it's a lesson on what can go wrong when people react before they engage their brains or keep their emotions in check.

Suzanne.

Errata

Best wishes for the future. Now you know why your mum wanted you as an attorney !
The only thing I can add that might be of help is to treat things as though they are a business - no emotions but a very business like black and white attitude IYSWIM.

RAS

Thanks Suzanne

And sweet Jesus, how does your brother think for one minute that he would be able to handle the sale from Australia and the processing of all the forms that have to be sorted out (not least because you will have to take the POA and personal ID into banks, solicitors etc repeatedly to meet the laundering rules).

You sound like you have had a nightmare of a few years. Having been the one dealing with a demented parent, when things finally hit the buffers, I found it very hard. I had been so busy just coping that I had not previously really had time to deal with the emotional stuff that came with it, plus the very wierd feeling of being both relieved and distressed that she was not going to come home again. It was quite hard just being in the house without her and emotionally wearing sorting through a life times memoriabilia.

Give yourself some space and you and OH need to get away together. I am sure that her ex could hold the fort for a few days (or maybe your sister would like to come and stay)?

Like you I had sibs trying to do a deal to sell the house cheap and had a furious spat when I declined to do so. Strangely enough, as a result of that decision I was subsequently able to raise a lot more money and they ended up with a very nice inheritance because I was able to fund the care from the sale.

If any of them are stupid enough to report you, the PG Office will ask you to comment and then give the them the opportunity to respond. Mine stopped pursuing it at that point but it delayed loads of things by 6 months and we were very close to the wire when the sale happened.

You can certainly make small gifts to her grand children. We also sent cards to her old friends the first Christmas and reciprocated to those who continued to send them in future years. Those cards from old friends meant a lot to her.

Primrose

I have found myself in a similar situation and I know it's not pleasant. But your mother gave you Power of Attorney for obvious reasons, all of which have been proved right in the long run by the behaviour of your siblings. They didn't want the hassle at the time and it's too late for them now to change things. Your job is to look after your mother's interests, not theirs. Just quietly get on with things, keep accurate records so that your guardianship is above reproach and tell them that the time for discussing the issue is over. You can't walk away from your mother's needs now. She was there for you when you were a helpless child and needed her. What goes round comes round. Your mother's financial arrangements are between you and her. I suggest you keep them that way to avoid further arguments. Once your siblings are out of the picture they will gradually lose touch with the financial details and hopefully the arguments will end. And when the house is sold, make sure that any money raised is split over more than one bank account, bearing in mind that the maximum compensation level is £50,000 per account. Several banks which look separate are in fact linked together under the same banking registration so if money is put in more than one of them, only £50K will be reimbursed if the bank goes bust. There's a table showing which banks are linked together in the general Savings Article on here somewhere.