Empty nest syndromw

lindauk

Damn keyboard! Title is meant to be Empty Nest Syndrome' But it posted before i fixed the typo and i don't know how to change it!

Anywhoo - I just wanted peoples feeling on empty nest syndrome. If everyone gets it? how you deal with it being someone who's BF parents have it VERY badly??

Silverbird

Not sure if it's related but since my OH left home (last one to leave) the parents had bought a dog within a year and they now have 2 of them. He feels he's been replaced!

Not a lot you can do about it, of course, but they'll recover and will soon enjoy their time together. It's a big shock to the system after so many years looking after their children and then the child no longer being there. But life goes on and they'll get over it.

Pee

I don't know if you can encourage them to pursue their own interests, either together or separately. Either that or provide them with some grandchildren to help out with?

lindauk

Pee wrote: »

I don't know if you can encourage them to pursue their own interests, either together or separately. Either that or provide them with some grandchildren to help out with?

Unfortunetly grandchildren aren't planned for another 4ish years! I'm hoping that they wil just get over it (so to speak). I don't have the same issue with my parents, they are sad to see us leave but they know that we are happy and like you say they are now able to do there own things and they never pressurise us into seeing them or make us feel guilty if it has to be a fleeting visit. They already ahve 3 dogs as children replacements don't think they could cope with anymore!

Artytarty

It is a sort of grief for the family life that you feel you have lost.
Some Mums especially if they havent worked outside the home feel as if they are redundant now. No longer needed, served their purpose etc.Being a full time Mum is what defines some people and they lose their identity when the last child has left.
Be patient, try to get your BF to make them fell as if they still have an important role to play in advice giving and so on.
Its very hard and even though I getting used to it myself, even typing this is making me weepy!
Arty.

lindauk

Artytarty wrote: »

It is a sort of grief for the family life that you feel you have lost.
Some Mums especially if they havent worked outside the home feel as if they are redundant now. No longer needed, served their purpose etc.Being a full time Mum is what defines some people and they lose their identity when the last child has left.
Be patient, try to get your BF to make them fell as if they still have an important role to play in advice giving and so on.
Its very hard and even though I getting used to it myself, even typing this is making me weepy!
Arty.

ahhh i'm sorry Arty.

We do try we seem them all the time (sometimes too much) and ask advice (even if we don't use it!) YOu would have thought i would have got used to it all by now 3.5years down the line but i still find things hard - i guess are familys are just both so different.

RedBern

it is also difficult as there's no-one around to deflect any attention (or lack of attention). We've not got an empty nest yet - the baby is still around (15) but there's a certain lack of 'stuff going on' with just the 3 of us home! They may be finding they have to speak to each other properly for the first time in years:eek: - which also takes a great deal of adjustment. I think by recognising that there may be a grief period you and your BF are being very considerate. Do his parents work? If not, have they got plenty to do? Try to include them in decisions (as you've already mentioned) - and keep being thoughtful!

Errata

If they're still at it 3.5 years after the event, something about behaving this way must be suiting them.

Geenie

I wish I felt empty nest syndrome rearing it's ugly head, but with a stroppy, sulky, demanding and now madly in love 19 year old daughter, who bursts into tears when she can't find her mobile phone and talk to boyfriend every 5 minutes.......and expects US to stop everything and look for said phone................I have had enough.

I can't wait for her to leave home in all honesty. Not just for our sakes, but hers as well. I don't understand these parents who fall to pieces when their kids leave. I am so excited for my children going out into the world, travelling, learning and making a life for themselves. When my eldest comes home from Uni, it is a delight to see her .........I am sure I will feel the same when my youngest goes next year......:rolleyes:

Newly_retired

My job became full time, then a promotion after the kids left so I had more than enough to keep me busy. Great time of life - make the most of it!