what would you do... family rift and illness

Pee

It takes a bigger, better person to forgive and forget.

caevans

Good luck! If she is a mean old trout tonight then I would leave it at that. You have done more than most would and if your parents are happy that you made all that effort then you are all winners!! (though maybe not her........ ;-)

Savvy_Sue

brians_daughter wrote: »

that she just wanted to warn me there wasnt much hope and i may want to see her.

Whether you do or don't want to see her, she clearly doesn't want to see you, I think you are going over and above the call of duty by going with your aunt.

Pee wrote: »

It takes a bigger, better person to forgive and forget.

And Grandma is not prepared to do either. Doesn't sound as if the OP can do much about that.

tandraig

hi brians daughter - i remember you from another thread so know that you really made an effort and it had to have been hard for you.
as most others have said - go with a parent - try to keep out of sight untill she answers the door then, personally i would be all sweetness and light just to take the wind out of her sails!
after that hun, your duty is done and you dont have to see the old bat if you dont want to!!!
best wishes

Marcheline

Hi, I agree with ONW totally.

How about popping a note in an envelope and posting it through her letterbox saying something along the lines of "I know we have had a rocky relationship, but at the end of the day, you are my grandmother and I would like to make peace with you. Things were said in the past that can be forgotten about now you are ill and I have wiped the slate clean, so hopefully you can too. Please call me if you would like me to come and visit you at a convenient time. Really hoping to hear back from you soon." At least then you really will know whether she wants to see you or not.

Money_maker

Marcheline wrote: »

Hi, I agree with ONW totally.

How about popping a note in an envelope and posting it through her letterbox saying something along the lines of "I know we have had a rocky relationship, but at the end of the day, you are my grandmother and I would like to make peace with you. Things were said in the past that can be forgotten about now you are ill and I have wiped the slate clean, so hopefully you can too. Please call me if you would like me to come and visit you at a convenient time. Really hoping to hear back from you soon." At least then you really will know whether she wants to see you or not.

I would go along with the note but make it perfectly clear that this is the last chance to sort this out. The ball is then in her court and she can decide whether to get off her high horse or not.

Good luck.

creased-leach

Hope things went well op, but please remember the old addage, you can chose your friends, you can't chose your family.

Sometimes, we have relatives who are just not nice. Don't be bound by misplaced "duty"- but common sense.

jane_sanderson

Well-your letter brought back loads of memories! My mother and I never had a good relationship and I didn`t see her for 4 and a half years. I tried to go round on her birthday, christmas etc, but got thrown out with LOADS of abuse and then she made life unbearable for my father after my visits.She told lies about me-and tried to turn my dad and what little family I have aginst me. I virtually gave up there ever being any solution.She hated my children, and chose not to ever see my grandchildren.
Then she went into hospital, and just as she was going down for a scan asked to see me. I dashed to the hospital-and she STILL had a go at me! However-I hung on-it was bad news, and true to form, she refused all help, treatment,etc and went home to die a month later. The only time our relationship was `loving` was when she was high on tramadol or morphine! Barmy isn`t it! Then-to cap it all after she had died, we found her will, and she had written some awful things about me and my dad and left her money to some godforsaken cousin who had wheedled round her while she was still alive.
Finally, 5 years later- I now accept that my mother was a crazy vindictive self centred nasty woman. Did I love her-Yes-did I like her-No.
I wish you a happy solution. It might help to think of her as having mental health issues. You could write her a letter-go round with a `witness` or just give up and get on with your life. You sound like a good person.Keep a level head-be the adult. Its her loss-not yours.
God bless.X