Advice needed please to reconcile with Mum

Pee

Yes, possibly. Thank you for mentioning it. I think things are improving but I am very reluctant to let myself care too much, because I'm worried that I will get hurt again.

Kandipandi

You poor thing, I feel so sorry for you in this situation. I think the christmas hamper and letter idea is a great one and if she does not crumble and get in touch after that then she must be made of stone!

The thing is we can't chose our parents and we can't make people love us, and if after this second attempt you get nowhere I would personally move on, I know that sounds harsh but it will be harder to keep banging your head against the wall wanting love from your mum that is not forthcoming.

I speak from experience, my Dad was my world when I was a kid and I was Daddy's little girl, he was my hero and I worshipped him. We fell out 9 years ago and I have never seen him since, despite handing the olive branch out to him twice!

Its the cruellest and worst sort of hurt there is (parent/child - child/parent), but for me it's less painful without him.

Thinking of you x

Pee

When you say it's less painful without him, I would say that I find it less painful not to see or think about my parents, but it's very hard to completely shut off. I did move halfway across the country and make no contact with them for a couple of years, and yes, on the surface you have forgotten and everything is fine, but sometimes you think about that relationship - when other people are having problems with their parents or children or for me when I thought about having children myself - I know that Mum must have wanted me as much as I want a baby now and it makes me feel very sad that things can't be easier and better between us.Sometimes I see my Mum reflected back in the mirror, so no matter how I try to forget, it is still there.

scrimpingbadger

Sometimes people want different things out of relationships. I hope your mother does not reject you again.
I had no contact with my father for a long time and then he died. I don't actually feel bad about it. He had his chance and didn't take it.