Church Nightmare!

Dinah93

ARGH! I want to scream!

My fiance and I attend a church nearby, every Sunday, and have done for 6months. When he moved over from Ireland we choose a new church together as our faith is very important to us and wanted somewhere that fit us both.

Last night I met up with my womens group leader for a catch up, and she casually throws into the mix that we won't be allowed to get married there as we live together - why has no one ever told us this before?!

There are 3 pastors at the church, and we asked the one we want to marry us if he would, he agreed, we agreed a date, we thought we had this booked. Now apparently the head pastor never gives permission for couples living together (my fiance moved in with me and my parents when he moved to England) so we won't be allowed.

I don't really think anyone can offer advice, I just wanted to vent, how could no one have told us this earlier?! They're happy for us to give tithes, attend, lead prayer, perform on the worship group even, so how come we're not good enough to get married there?!

Yellowbug

I would suggest you take a deep breath and then go and speak to the pastor that you have already spoken to about the wedding, explain what you ahve heard and find out for sure from them

You might find that this is just a 'busy body' sticking their nose in

hugs

Littlemadam83

Oh you poor thing. I am shocked that one of the Pastors said it would be fine for it then not to be!

It is shocking that churches differ so widely, from marrying couples who have previously been married, to your case of you are not allowed to live together! They really need to adapt to the times, rather than hurt people like yourselves.

Hope you get things sorted xxx

Zazen999

Hmmmmm....church in 'double standards' shocker. :eek:

ariba10

Offer them money if all else fails.

My experience of Church staff is that it usually solves all problems.

shellsuit

Yellowbug wrote: »

I would suggest you take a deep breath and then go and speak to the pastor that you have already spoken to about the wedding, explain what you ahve heard and find out for sure from them

You might find that this is just a 'busy body' sticking their nose in

hugs

^^^^ Agree with this.

And also tell them to get with the times!

Hope you sort it out, no wonder you're so upset! xx

rene2b

shocking is not the word:eek:
you go to church and help in all the ways you can but when you both want to get married its a NO!
it makes me mad
dont get me wrong im not a church going but the church im getting married in is not my parish but because im paying them they will marrie us

its true money talks

joolesw1972

That seems really unfair, but I would wait and see what the Pastor says as this maybe a church member just expressing their own views.
It may help to explain as you have to us - just how important it is to have your marriage in your church.
It is bizarre how it can differ from church to church, we have friends (Catholic) in Ireland who had planned their wedding (they lived together) found out they were having a baby a little sooner than planned! They postponed the wedding six months and had the baby christened about two months before they got married and their priest was fine about it!

minerva_windsong

I agree with Yellowbug, go speak to the pastor who's marrying you and see what he says.

Dinah93

My fiance is calling the pastor we want to marry us (not the head pastor, but they work in the same office so surely he'll know!) on his lunchbreak today, so hopefully by this afternoon we will know for definite.

Yellowbug

Dinah93 wrote: »

My fiance is calling the pastor we want to marry us (not the head pastor, but they work in the same office so surely he'll know!) on his lunchbreak today, so hopefully by this afternoon we will know for definite.

i think thats the best plan, otherwise you are just going on second hand information

figners crossed for you