Newbie seeks advice please

vij

Hello Everyone,

Thank you for taking the time to read (Im sorry this is a long post)

My partner and I have been together for nearly 5 years, when we first got together he was going to join the Army (prior to meeting me). We went together to the Army office to find out more about how this would affect us and our relationship and decided that it was better for us to work on our relationship first and make sure we had a strong relationship that is right, rather than rushing a wedding because we were in the first flush of love and then find out it was wrong.

Good news - our relationship is great, we have not married as yet (but are engaged and if he does join we will marry within the first 3-6 months, just a quick ceremony we dont want a big deal or any fuss and I understand it may well be just a weekend off for him - dash to the registry office get the paper done, my company will pay for a honeymoon when he gets time away) However I wont be wanting to join him in married quarters for at least a year due to having a share deal with my company that when it floats will be worth iro 15-22k. I see this money will be put to use in trying to set me up with work wherever we end up and will give us a small security blanket. I also have mild ME which after a battle with my employers I now have the support I need and hours I can live with, finding this elsewhere worries me.

I have a lot of questions that I want to ask about MQ life etc and how best to support him in this so the background although basic is done my questions begin

1) Pets, at the moment we have a belgian shepherd dog, and 8 cats. I would be able to ask my mum to have some of the cats, however I know it sounds silly in the bigger scheme of things but, I wouldnt want a cat free existence. What pets are you allowed in MQ and how does moving and posting affect you?

2) I dont want to be soley dependant on my OH income, however because of the ME issue I think I may find it hard to get employment so Im willing to look at self employment, party plan etc. At the moment I have thought of

Usborne Books
Bodyshop Direct
Virgin V at Home
Avon (though I dont like this one having done it before and not enjoyed it as cataloging has very little interaction)
Ann Summers
Importing silver/jewellery from india/thailand etc and ebay or home shop
Tarot readings at home (I have read for about 14 years and not had complaints)

Home Nails and Hair Extensions (I have the skills here but would need the paper)
Aromatherapy and Body Massage
Home Beauty Therapy (again would need the paper)

My previous employment is:
Sports and Leisure from age 14-19, I qualified as lifeguard and swimming teacher
Barwork going into Management/Catering 8 years
Insurance 5 years
My UK secretarial skills are acceptable, telesales, and general temping
I have until 2 years ago when the ME struck always had more than one job, always doing a little something like hair extensions, wedding make up, stock taking, odd bits of cheffing, waitressing, barwork, teaching swimming, non qualified care work, shop work, just little bits to help make ends meet. I could probably if desperate enough turn my hand to "gold farming or levelling online MMORPG characters) or painting minitures to sell on ebay.

Im not afraid to have a try at anything that is available, are there any courses I should be looking to take to enhance my chances of a job.

I cant drive (medical issues again), however from reading the boards here it seems that getting out and about will involve me spending as little as possible of his pay packet in order to live. Leaving his wages to be invested in a life for us rather than just getting by. Therefore I would be grateful of advice here.

I am game for learning the basic languages of wherever we get posted and would be grateful if people could advise me here. I am lucky to be quite quick at the basic picking up and being understood/standing even if my grammar is probably out and choice of words grating to the native speaker, I think at least the effort is appreciated. I think putting the effort in will help and would just like to know which languages I should work on?

At the moment we grow a lot of our own produce (home garden and allotment) do MQ for a couple without children come with gardens where this would be possible or would I be looking at containers or window boxes only?

What furniture would we need for MQ and what is living in MQ like?

Im also reading a lot about "ball gowns and how important it is to look right" and that if I dont if could affect his career. I dont think I have ever fitted in with the "pretty norm" and couldnt justify spending a lot of cash on a dress to wear just once. Given these events seem to be ranging from once a year to every couple of months would I get away with 1 dress and different accessories or are there very strict rules and expectations? Im also quite a big girl (size 18) is my appearance again going to have a negative effect. (I was a size 12-14 before the ME took hold but havent been able to slim down since this happened and my consultant is not concerned with my weight as there are other issues we are working on)

Also will it be acceptable for us to take MQ over a year after our marriage?

Thank you for taking the time to read, and thank you for any replies. It may seem silly to be posting for advice this early but although Im happy to turn my life upside down in order for him to follow his chosen career I want to be as organised as possible and make sure that this puts the minimum stress that it can on us. Although Im happy to be adaptable I want to be prepared.

Thank you again.

13Kent

vij wrote: »

Hello Everyone,

Thank you for taking the time to read (Im sorry this is a long post)

My partner and I have been together for nearly 5 years, when we first got together he was going to join the Army (prior to meeting me). We went together to the Army office to find out more about how this would affect us and our relationship and decided that it was better for us to work on our relationship first and make sure we had a strong relationship that is right, rather than rushing a wedding because we were in the first flush of love and then find out it was wrong.

Good news - our relationship is great, we have not married as yet (but are engaged and if he does join we will marry within the first 3-6 months, just a quick ceremony we dont want a big deal or any fuss and I understand it may well be just a weekend off for him - dash to the registry office get the paper done, it may not just be a weekend - he may be able to take leave depending on what he is doing at the time. my company will pay for a honeymoon when he gets time away) However I wont be wanting to join him in married quarters for at least a year You won't be entitled to live in a MQ until you are married anyway. due to having a share deal with my company that when it floats will be worth iro 15-22k. I see this money will be put to use in trying to set me up with work wherever we end up and will give us a small security blanket. I also have mild ME which after a battle with my employers I now have the support I need and hours I can live with, finding this elsewhere worries me.

I have a lot of questions that I want to ask about MQ life etc and how best to support him in this so the background although basic is done my questions begin

1) Pets, at the moment we have a belgian shepherd dog, and 8 cats. I would be able to ask my mum to have some of the cats, however I know it sounds silly in the bigger scheme of things but, I wouldnt want a cat free existence. What pets are you allowed in MQ and how does moving and posting affect you? Pets are allowed in MQ but you have to inform the Housing Office, a dog has to be authorised, and have a tag, and part of the agreement of you having a dog in a MQ involves agreeing to clean the carpets at your expense before you move out.

2) I dont want to be soley dependant on my OH income, however because of the ME issue I think I may find it hard to get employment so Im willing to look at self employment, party plan etc. At the moment I have thought of

Usborne Books
Bodyshop Direct
Virgin V at Home
Avon (though I dont like this one having done it before and not enjoyed it as cataloging has very little interaction)
Ann Summers
Importing silver/jewellery from india/thailand etc and ebay or home shop
Tarot readings at home (I have read for about 14 years and not had complaints)

Lots of people do party plan type jobs on camps. You just need to check there isn't anyone else doing it - you don't want to tread on anyone's toes!!

If you want to run a business from a MQ you have to get permission to do so. I'm not sure if this applies to the party plan type jobs though - I'm sure someone else could advise you there.

Home Nails and Hair Extensions (I have the skills here but would need the paper)
Aromatherapy and Body Massage
Home Beauty Therapy (again would need the paper)

My previous employment is:
Sports and Leisure from age 14-19, I qualified as lifeguard and swimming teacher
Barwork going into Management/Catering 8 years
Insurance 5 years
My UK secretarial skills are acceptable, telesales, and general temping
I have until 2 years ago when the ME struck always had more than one job, always doing a little something like hair extensions, wedding make up, stock taking, odd bits of cheffing, waitressing, barwork, teaching swimming, non qualified care work, shop work, just little bits to help make ends meet. I could probably if desperate enough turn my hand to "gold farming or levelling online MMORPG characters) or painting minitures to sell on ebay.

Im not afraid to have a try at anything that is available, are there any courses I should be looking to take to enhance my chances of a job.

There are sometimes civilian jobs available on camps - secreterial or that type. .Catering type jobs can sometimes be obtained often in the Officer's Mess. Most camps have some sort of NAAFI or Spar type shop - they are sometimes have jobs available, and some have child care facilities such as nurseries. At the moment where we are there is a shortage of registered childminders.

I cant drive (medical issues again), however from reading the boards here it seems that getting out and about will involve me spending as little as possible of his pay packet in order to live. Leaving his wages to be invested in a life for us rather than just getting by. Therefore I would be grateful of advice here.

Some camps can be in the middle of nowhere - more so RAF ones I think!! But there are often facilities on camp you can use - cafe, shop, post office, gym, sometimes a swimming pool - it varies as to where you are. There is usually a bus service, and sometimes trips are organised by wives clubs, or welfare agencies which would include a bus.

Re your medical condition, There is usually a medical centre on camp, and a dental centre, but these are often for serving personnel only. Sometimes you can register with them, but if not there will be a local practice that will take you. (Finding a dentist can be trickier though - I am still registered with one in my hometown, and visit every 6 months but it gives me a chance to catch up with friends!)

I am game for learning the basic languages of wherever we get posted and would be grateful if people could advise me here. I am lucky to be quite quick at the basic picking up and being understood/standing even if my grammar is probably out and choice of words grating to the native speaker, I think at least the effort is appreciated. I think putting the effort in will help and would just like to know which languages I should work on?

There are sometimes postings to Germany or Cyprus, often there are courses offered on camp on various subjects including languages that you can participate in.

At the moment we grow a lot of our own produce (home garden and allotment) do MQ for a couple without children come with gardens where this would be possible or would I be looking at containers or window boxes only?

There are different house types depending on rank, and also the number of children you have - if any. As far as I know they all have gardens. Officer's quarters are often larger with bigger gardens. You can do what you want with your garden, but have to leave it in a condition that is deemed acceptable by the housing office when you leave. - I have known people with dogs having to re-turf their gardens before moving out.

What furniture would we need for MQ and what is living in MQ like?

You can choose to have a house furnished or unfurnished - you pay more rent if you want a furnished quarter. A furnished house has all the 'big' items you would need - beds, table and chairs, drawers, sofa, cooker. All the houses we have lived in have fitted wardrobes. All houses also come with curtains - you may not like them but they are there!! Most houses are painted a fetching shade of magnolia!! You can repaint at your own expense, but have to return the walls to the original magnolia before you leave. If you choose to have a furnished house any damages other than fair wear and tear to the furniture will have to be paid for on march out (when you leave). The same goes for an unfurnished house, and all houses have to be left immaculate and will be inspected before you leave and you will be charged if it is unacceptable. Some people do march out cleans themselves, others use companies to do it for them.

The standard of housing varies from camp to camp, and also depends on rank too - officers are more likely to have larger, detached houses.

Im also reading a lot about "ball gowns and how important it is to look right" and that if I dont if could affect his career. I dont think I have ever fitted in with the "pretty norm" and couldnt justify spending a lot of cash on a dress to wear just once. Given these events seem to be ranging from once a year to every couple of months would I get away with 1 dress and different accessories or are there very strict rules and expectations? Im also quite a big girl (size 18) is my appearance again going to have a negative effect. (I was a size 12-14 before the ME took hold but havent been able to slim down since this happened and my consultant is not concerned with my weight as there are other issues we are working on)

You are what you are - military wives come in all shapes and sizes too!! You sound like you are worried about fitting in and concerned about how you will affect his career - the fact that you are showing concern about this means you won't go far wrong ! Some of the 'do's are fun - the general rule for ball gowns is ankle length with something to cover you shoulders ( a wrap or pashmina usually). If you choose to you could wear the same dress to every function!! But most camps have a thrift shop where you can pick up second hand dresses, or a sales board, and I have bought dresses off e-bay for a song which have looked great!

What are you wearing for your wedding? I chose a gold strapless top and long skirt, and it was perfect for our Christmas 'do'!

Also will it be acceptable for us to take MQ over a year after our marriage?

You can take over a MQ about 2 weeks before getting married if you choose to. There are no hard and fast rules. Some wives and families live at their permanent address, and their other half works Monday to Friday at the camp living in the Mess/block (depending on rank) and then travelling home for weekends. My OH and I did this before we were married but got fed up with being apart and moved in together - but rented a house locally as we weren't entitled to a MQ - far more expensive -when we did get married and move into a MQ the our rental costs dropped by more than half!

I can only speak from our experience, but so far the houses we have had have been nice houses, that we have been happy to live in, but I have heard stories of people living in rubbish quarters.

Thank you for taking the time to read, and thank you for any replies. It may seem silly to be posting for advice this early but although Im happy to turn my life upside down in order for him to follow his chosen career I want to be as organised as possible and make sure that this puts the minimum stress that it can on us. Although Im happy to be adaptable I want to be prepared.

It's a good idea to find out what you are getting into - the hardest parts are when you OH has to go away on detachment - sometimes to somewhere like Afghanistan, and you are left home alone but there are always people round to help you out, and often family and friends will come and stay for periods of time, or you can go to them.

The worst bit often is being away from friends and family, but thanks to technology - internet mainly it's easy to keep in touch. However as everyone is in the same boat it's usually a very supportive environment to live in - In 8 years I have made some very good friends - I have also lived in 7 different houses - my own, 2 rentals before we got married, 1 on one camp, 2 on another as I had a second baby and we were entitled to move to one with an extra bedroom, and now we are living in hot and sunny climes in Cyprus where I have already made some really good friends, and am thoroughly enjoying it here.

Thank you again.

Good luck! Life is what you make it in any circumstances, having a husband with a secure job counts for a lot in this day and age! It can be a great life with lots of positives, there are negative sides too, but that goes for any lifestyle I suppose.

candlesrus

I do party plan ( PartyLite) which I have found gets me out and enables me to earn a good rate of commision. I have fun in the evenings now and it has really helped with my confidence. If you are considering doing somthing in like this then have a look at www.comparextraincome.com . Here they compare all the direct selling companies and then you can choose and compare what suits you best . Good luck with your searching

Bargainbabe_2

Hey Vjj,

If I was you, I would contact the army welfare service who will be able to answer all your queries and questions.

When you do apply for a SFA, it might be worth popping in a letter requesting a house with a garden. I always use to do this when I wanted a quarter above our entitlement.

I would also like to add that whatever you hear or read about us army wives, I would take with a serious pinch of salt!!! Also, what you wear at mess functions won't have any deterimental effects on your OH career unless you went completely against mess regs and upset the RSM!

http://www.army.mod.uk/welfare-support/family/default.aspx

and

http://www.modoracle.com/service_welfare/aws.html


HTH )

vij

Thank you, these links are really helpful, and thank you for all replies

mrsdarbs

I'd like to agree with Bargain Babe don't believe all that you hear about us army wives! lol A very good friend of mine is an army wife but has always lived off camp and hates those that live on until she met me - she'd had a really bad experience and thought we were all horrible. Now we are pratically best mates and do so much together!

Another source of info is the HIVE - sorry if that's been mentioned and www.forcesgirls.co.uk - a fantastic network for anyone with a partner, son, brother etc in the forces, out of the forces or considering the forces as well as some ladies who are ex forces themselves. Such a life saving site!

I married my hubby a year ago and moved onto camp and it was the best thing we've ever done!! I have got a fantastic job since moving and my son loves nursery and our home is lovely (so long as you don't look too closely! lol).

I think all your questions have been answered, so just wanted to say welcome to the gang.

EmmEve

Pets- you need to request permission from the housing people to have pets. Its just a formality really. There shouldn't be a problem with the dog. They may draw the line at 8 cats lol, not sure what their limit on the cats would be though. Bear in mind you could get posted to a flat or somewhere without easy access to let your dog run loose though. This really depends on your oh trade and where hes likely to get posted though.

There is no reason why you can't work from home. Again you should request permission from Defence Estates (the people who look after the housing) just to cover yourself. More so if you are doing something like nails, beauty etc from home.

i think its always handy to drive, some places are remote with terrible public transport.

German could be useful. Again depends where youroh is likely to be posted.

Most houses come with a garden. Flats i don't have much experience with so can't advise there.

You would need all your white goods apart from a cooker. Everything else you can rent for your quarter or get your own stuff. Just bear in mind what fits in one house may not fit in the next!

I don't have any experience of the ball gown dramas as yet lol. But, you could consider hiring them as you need them. You need never be seen in the same dress twice :rolleyes:

You can apply for an mq a yr after marriage if you wish to.

hth

mrsdarbs

EmmEve wrote: »

You can apply for an mq a yr after marriage if you wish to.

hth

This is true but remember, that moves are not paid for mid-posting. When I married my hubby we had to pay for our move ourself.

Just a thought - though I do know a rare couple of occassions where it has been paid - thinks some units are a little more flexible on the rules! :rotfl:

vij

Thank you everyone for your helpful posts.

I dont mind paying for a move to MQ mid term, it just makes more sense to stay where I am for now. Im going to be careful about the corset I choose for the wedding that way I will be able to wear it again for functions and just make new stoles or skirts if needed. I think Im just scared to go from being the primary earner to a housewife, I think I will cope with the seperatation ok, it will be lonely sometimes but Im sure I can busy myself. Im going to work on my German for now as postings look to be germany or canada.

Just want to thank you all for being so supportive and kind

13Kent

I worked for the first couple of years that my OH and I were together. At first we were renting a house together as we weren't married. Apart from attending a couple of mess functions I didn't have a lot to do with anyone on the camp. The functions were ok but as I didn't know anyone - only the occasional couple I'd met from OH's work - they weren't great. When we were first married and lived on a camp I was working and so didn't go to the ladies coffee mornings or functions in the day, so apart from my nearest neighbours didn't know many people. When I stopped working ( I had a baby) was when I got involved in things that went on in the day - there are often opportunities to meet people by volunteering to help in places like the thrift shop - I met a lot more people as I would say there are more wives staying at home and out and about in the day than in a typical community - especially abroad. Quite often say on the way to the shop I'd bump into someone and we'd go for a coffee and a chat and before you know it the morning had gone!! the coffee mornings were more fun as were the mess functions as when my OH was busy talking 'shop' with the other guys I wasn't just hanging around waiting for his company - there were enough people I knew to go off and have a chat and a drink with myself.

Most people on camps are very welcoming - especially when you have just moved in - and especially if they find out you are new to service life they will bend over backwards to help you out - often boring you with tales of their experiences!!! ;-) So don't worry if you are not working at first - you will find plenty to do, and lots of company to do it with!

Good luck!

vij

Thank you for your positive notes 13Kent.