Advice wannted - problem neighbour - poss dementia sufferer

boombap

Hi there,

I'd be really interested to know people's thoughts on the following problem:

My fiance's nan (FN) is 93 and thankfully has very good health both physically and mentally. She lives in a first floor flat in a small block of flats which are housing association/sheltered accomodation specifically for the elderly. Strangely though there's not a manager for the premises.

About two years ago a new resident moved into the flat directly below hers - a gentleman whom we believe it be in his early 80s. He is evidentally a little eccentric - he claims to have lunched with Hitler and such - but the problem is that he loudly shouts throughout the day and into the night, often with terrible swearing. He is also a known troublemaker in the town and is barred from a few cafes due to his abusive behaviour and approaches women and tries for a kiss.

My FN has tried to put up with him for as long as she can but she has been in great distress for some time. When she's trying to sleep all she can hear is him ranting and raving.

The other residents of the flats don't seem to be as troubled as him as my FN and a fair few of then are very hard of hearing so don't hear the swearing. As the man appears quite simple at times I think he gets a certain degree of sympathy.

All of the residents, my FN included, are very private people and are the sorts who never really get involved with anything ("musn't cause a fuss" sorts if you know what I mean).

Despite the distress that this man causes my FN, she is very reluctant to complain to the housing association. We've suggested to her that she starts keeping a simple diary and logs when then shouting and swearing starts but she doesn't seem keen on doing that. Another suggestions is that she records the outbursts with a dictaphone but we don't think she is willing or capable of that.

She doesn't want to see someone kicked out 'onto the streets' but we've assured her that if the man leaves he would go to a more suitable accommodation and would not be living rough. She would certainly not want to leave the flat that she's currently in and at 93 why should she?

Has anyone any suggestions as how we can handle this? My fiance's mother (daughter of FN) is going to speak to the housing assocaition on Monday but any advice I can gather on here will be most appreciated.

Thanks for reading all the above by the way

S.


added:

The man does not seem to have visits from family members but has daily visits from various healthworkers. My FN did try to speak to one about him a whileback but they didn't appaear to want to know...

esio_trot

you know, I think your "keep logs and call the housing association" is probably the advice I'd give - though I can see why your FN would feel reluctant to do so. It's probably in the man's best interests too because it sounds like there could come a time very soon (if not the case already) that he won't be able to adequately care for himself without at least some intervention.

As for the dictaphone idea - I'm not 100% sure that would work, even if your FN could work one! I only say that because I have a piano playing neighbour (block of flats) who renders part of my flat unusable when they are playing and the voice recorder on my mobile doesn't even pick it up!

so, I suppose I don't really have any additional advice for you, other than encourage your FN to do what you suggested. Ｇuess I just wanted to let you know that I did read it!

boombap

Aw, thanks for your post Esio.

I guess I kinda know that the best thing to do is to encourage the diary/log keeping thing in anticipation of action and advice from the housing association.

If anyone's been in a similar situation then let me know what your outcome was...

Cheers again Esio,

S.

moggitymog

I would try the care workers again, if they are going in then he should have a named care manager, probably someone at social services, and they really need to be updated with any changes

msflowerfairy

He sounds like he may have a mental illness, and at some point he has been managed back into the community. This is obviously not working, and i would suggest that you contact the local mental health team at your council/social services and explain your observations, fears, etc.
The man concerned may be having a relapse, and could very well do with some intervention, expecially as he seems to have no family to speak of.
(I work with adults with mental health issues)
I hope you sort it out.

Errata

The chap is not well and clearly needs more help, support and care than he currently receives. Phone the council and ask for the social work team for older people and explain the situation to them.

boombap

Many sincere thanks Moggity and FlowerFairy. I'll endeavour to contact the social services as you suggest.

Although to some people swearing isn't much of an issue, it is extremely upsetting for FN.

Cheers again,

S.

Errata

Could I suggest that when you speak to social services you don't have a stab at suggesting what the chap's problem might be, and just stick to the facts as you know them and the problems he is causing your FN. He has workers visiting him, so case notes will be available to staff.

Caseyface

Age Concern is also a great source for advice. My two aunties live together (both in 70's) and one suffers from mental health problems. My other auntie phoned age concern and they sent someone round the same day to put together some kind of support package, so they may be worth a call.

Jussy

Its not that health care workers arent interested in what your FN had to say - they are not allowed to discuss anything because of client confidentiality. Well worth contacting Social Services though. Good luck

Money_maker

Jussy wrote: »

Its not that health care workers arent interested in what your FN had to say - they are not allowed to discuss anything because of client confidentiality. Well worth contacting Social Services though. Good luck

Absolutely. They are probably already aware but you need to speak to those who can make decisions. The care workers just deal with the day to day needs.