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james78 wrote: »

I guess I didn't want to tell her as I'm ashamed of it and embaressed...

There's no need to feel ashamed...we all make mistakes in life....it's whether or not we learn from them!!

p.s I'm sitting here putting things on ebay as well...it all adds up!!

Good luck with telling your wife.

Errata

I guess I didn't want to tell her as I'm ashamed of it and embaressed..

A bit of shame and contrition would be the mature approach. The debts are due to frittering money away and impulse buying (your words), and showing some shame might go some way to sweetening the bitter pill you'll be offering her when you're honest and open with her about your financial situation.

ramblingtree

I agree with the folks about not affording to pay half of everything if your wife earns a lot more. My partner earns loads more than me, so pays for a lot more stuff. Its just the money side. Sharing and being equal means doing the same amount of cooking/cleaning/etc, if you're a partnership then the money should be treated as such really.
Good luck with telling her, you should face it all together, will be much easier. I have everything crossed for you!
x

Ames

I'm shocked - your wife earns 2.5 times as much as you but you split bills evenly! If it were me, even without debt I think I'd resent that a bit. All I can see on your SOA that no-one else has mentioned is that you don't have anything for car maintenance, you really need to put something aside every month so that it doesn't creep up on you.

property.advert

RAS wrote: »

have edited my post above.

You simply cannot expect to contribute half the household expenditure when you are on 40% of the income. Either you live somewhere you can afford or she pays 70 percent plus of the bills.

What is her debt situation like?

Totally disagree. Unless a property is owned and the beneficial interest in the property is listed as not being 50/50, then they pay half as they will expect to receive half.

In reality, the richer partner does cover additional items (meals out, extra stuff on holiday etc.) but the fundamentals should be split 50/50.

MarsdenCuckoo

For my 2p-worth, until you share your financial situation with your other half then you are just piling on the pressure for yourself. Take a deep breath and be honest with her; you really do need her to be part of the solution. After all, the pair of you can resolve the current problems far easier than just you on your own.

Other suggestions, if applicable/possible, consolidate your more expensive credit card debts into a long term loan. That should cut down on your monthly outgoings and help ease the debt through.

Any chance of downgrading your car (insurance seems high) and/or the cover from comprehensive to 3rd party - only if a sensible move. Saving money in the short term is not, of course, always the best solution.

Go to it - be honest (if you have something worth having between you then she'll appreciate you at last coming clean)- and good luck.

Christine

Nargleblast

james78 wrote: »

Thanks - very incouraging...:rolleyes:

James - not trying to discourage you at all, far from it, it is just that getting out of debt is not a five minute solution (unless you win the lottery of course!). it can take time to adjust to a new way of thinking and living. I sense from your posts that you are coming round to the idea of tackling this problem for once and for all, instead of burying your head in the sand - as many of us have done at some point! Look upon it as a challenge - read some of the diaries in the diary section for inspiration. Good luck and keep us posted!

Mrs.D

I agree with the other posters - you HAVE to tell your wife - sooner rather than later. You need to face this together.

From your joint SOA, it appears that your wife has a very large amount left over at the end of the month. Well over £500 every month? Does she have savings? Or does she spend it, not realising the trouble you are in?

Either way, I'm pretty sure she'll be able to help you get this under control. Several years ago my DH (then boyfriend) had huge debts that he was struggling to pay. When he finally confided in me, it was really tough for him as his male ego told him that his missus shouldn't be bailing him out. BUT I love him and didn't see it that way. He trusted me to look after all his finances, manage the bank accounts, bills etc. He hated it at the time, but now says it was the best thing he ever did as the debt finally started to disappear.

Good luck

Errata

From your joint SOA, it appears that your wife has a very large amount left over at the end of the month. Well over £500 every month? Does she have savings? Or does she spend it, not realising the trouble you are in?

It would appear that she doesn't have over £500 a month for herself because James -

I also borrow about £300-400 of my wife each month to pay this stuff off - see knows I have a "small" amount of debt

james78_2

Ok guys been a while since I started this post. Here's a bit of an update. I spoke to CAB and Payplan. Here are my options.

1. Go Bankrupt but would involve maybe loosing my car on HP (won't be able to get to work) and may affect my tennancy BUT is the fastest and cheapest way out of this mess.

2. Go on a debt managment plan. We worked out I have around £240 a month left over I can contribute to creditors - but would take 12 years to clear!!! Or if I can borrow a bit from my wife each month to get it to £340 would take 6 years. Downside of this is interest is not frozen and creditors can still take me to court.

3. IVA of £240 a month for the creditors works out at 34p in the £. Payplan advisor thinks that the creditors should go for this. Plus I'll be debt free in 5 years but cannot take any credit. Also might have an issue if me and the wife wan't to do a joint mortgage in a few years? Maybe she'll have to do it soley in her name or go to a sub prime mortgage lender.

The only complication is that I have an old used car I bought some years ago to do up - sat in garage for past few months (SORNED) - worth under £700- it's still in my name but will sell to my brother in the next couple weeks, to buy back at a later date (few years maybe). Will this be frowned upon by the creditors? Or shall I sell it to my wife as she is learning and needs a car soon for practice / work? (she can afford it as has some spare cash at end of month)?

I can then maybe use this money to pay this months card payments as I cannot afford it so far OR whilst I'm waiting for IVA shall I make a token payment for each credit card?- have had no money left since 15th Oct - just enough to get me petrol for rest of month.

I haven't totally told her yet about all this as I wan't to know if the IVA will go through first, otherwise I'll be worrying about "what if's".

So I think I'll go for the IVA - seems the best option for me....plus I'll learn to live without credit for 5 years! Will do me some good I think.

The pressure of all this is getting to me now though - I had tried to keep a clear head but it's now spinning with all these amounts and impending potential debt agencies if I cannot keep debts with original creditors....... I had quite smoking for 4 months....back on it again...damn it...hate that, plus drinking too much cheap cider....(don't worry only £2 a bottle - LOL). Only got myself to blame for all this .

I just hope my IVA goes through...I hear MBNA can be real fussy? 12K is owed them, 11K RBS, 7 K barclays / barclaycard, 3.5K HSBC, 1K Littlewoods....so how does the 75% rule work here?

Friday I just recieved a letter from debt collectors about a bill from 2007 they said is unpaid scottish power from when I moved out of a property for £300! Dam it! Just what I needed.

J.